Stammering

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fortune
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Stammering

Post by fortune » Fri Feb 14, 2014 12:37 am

I have quite a severe stammer, if I say one fluent sentence and don't stammer it's an achievement for me. I find it quite hard to communicate with people which frustrates me a lot. I'm not sure what brings it on i think maybe stress, self consciousness or caring what people think but it's starting to frustrate me now. Little things I'm not able to do well like ask for something in a shop, contribute to a conversation or do presentation cause me to get stressed a lot because I can't do them.

Whenever I'm by myself and i'm talking i don't stammer at all, maybe i need to come out of my shell a bit more or be myself so that i don't stammer in front of people. I know this isn't a stuttering site but there's something about what spiritual teachers like eckhart and others talk about like letting go and being present that enables me to speak clearly. I'm not trying to cure my stammer but to just accept the reality that i have which will probably make me speak more fluently anyway.

I'm not really sure what question i'm trying to ask i think i'm asking for tips on how to accept something completely that you just don't like but will never go away?

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Webwanderer
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Re: Stammering

Post by Webwanderer » Fri Feb 14, 2014 1:22 am

I had a friend who had a similar stammering problem and dealt with it in this way. First he realized that he must develop a combination of confidence in his own words, and giving up all concern for what others thought about him. He then spent a lot of time reading out loud, day after day. During this time he imagined that he was reading and talking to others while he spoke and read out loud.

He would imagine in his minds eye that he was talking to other people and they were listening to him speak. He even imagined he would stammer occasionally and that he didn't care in the least what they thought. He just reset and began to speak again. In time and through practice he stopped thinking about it at all.

I don't know if this is helpful to you, but my friend swears it turned his life around. This all happened before I knew him, so I didn't see it personally. The technique seems sound however.

WW

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Clouded
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Re: Stammering

Post by Clouded » Fri Feb 14, 2014 2:18 am

Maybe you can also make a cellphone call to someone who you are comfortable talking to when you're out in public. You're not directly talking to strangers or talking face to face with someone so it will be less stressful and you get to practice your talking in an environment that could make you nervous. It's always good to start off with baby steps. Take your time when you're talking to others. I stammer too sometimes and I feel that it's because my thoughts are too quick to be translated into words.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak

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Re: Stammering

Post by Ralph » Fri Feb 14, 2014 8:16 am

fortune wrote:I'm not really sure what question i'm trying to ask i think i'm asking for tips on how to accept something completely that you just don't like but will never go away?
Hi fortune,
... perhaps this time, you should take a different approach and try to find out why you stammer instead of spending a great deal of time on how can I stop stammering. Get to the root of it and find out where did it first generate and what was your surroundings like at that time. Can it be that the stammering was created by a belief you had in your childhood ? Can it be that what stopped you from expressing yourself with ease was, in a way, taken away from you, perhaps from someone you loved and respected and looked up to and although it was not done intentional, it was enough to stop you from expressing yourself in public and still continues to this day ? These are just examples but if you go back there where your stuttering first began and as painful as it may be , face it head on, it may lose its grip that it has over you and lose its power and then perhaps for the first time in a very long time, allow you to now speak with more ease.

So fortune, I leave you with this question, " Can it be that what created your stammering is just a belief ? ... a belief you have that was created many years ago and still lives on today ?

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Re: Stammering

Post by runstrails » Fri Feb 14, 2014 4:20 pm

Fortune,
Have you tried going to a speech therapist who specializes in stuttering?

fortune
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Re: Stammering

Post by fortune » Fri Feb 14, 2014 5:43 pm

I did for a long time but it just didn't do anything for me. It's more the stress that bothers me than the actual stammer

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Re: Stammering

Post by KathleenBrugger » Fri Feb 14, 2014 7:08 pm

Ralph wrote:
fortune wrote:I'm not really sure what question i'm trying to ask i think i'm asking for tips on how to accept something completely that you just don't like but will never go away?
Hi fortune,
... perhaps this time, you should take a different approach and try to find out why you stammer instead of spending a great deal of time on how can I stop stammering. Get to the root of it and find out where did it first generate and what was your surroundings like at that time. Can it be that the stammering was created by a belief you had in your childhood ? Can it be that what stopped you from expressing yourself with ease was, in a way, taken away from you, perhaps from someone you loved and respected and looked up to and although it was not done intentional, it was enough to stop you from expressing yourself in public and still continues to this day ? These are just examples but if you go back there where your stuttering first began and as painful as it may be , face it head on, it may lose its grip that it has over you and lose its power and then perhaps for the first time in a very long time, allow you to now speak with more ease.

So fortune, I leave you with this question, " Can it be that what created your stammering is just a belief ? ... a belief you have that was created many years ago and still lives on today ?
First off, I acknowledge you, fortune, for being willing to "expose" yourself in this way. Even on an anonymous internet forum it's hard to be honest; "will the people there judge me and think less of my other posts," etc.

Second, I stuttered in the past and Ralph's advice is applicable to my experience. I didn't stutter at all until I got into a relationship with a dominating person. All of a sudden I found myself tripping over my words whenever I was in a group of people. I was sure that whatever I said would be harshly judged by my partner, wouldn't be right, wouldn't be what he would have said. So I was always editing my words between the time I thought of them and the time they came out of my mouth; the editing meant stuttering. The key for me to stop stuttering was to recognize what the source was--I was editing my thoughts to please another. When I quit worrying about what he thought, the stuttering stopped.

You mention the stress bothering you fortune. I'm familiar with that--it creates one of those self-reinforcing cycles where you worry about stammering and your focus on it means you stutter more. And I worried that people thought I was stupid.
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fortune
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Re: Stammering

Post by fortune » Fri Feb 14, 2014 9:30 pm

That does ring a bell to me. the annoying thing is that i know i can speak fluently but for some reason whenever i talk to someone i can barely talk at times so it is obviously a mental thing as opposed to physical

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Re: Stammering

Post by peas » Sat Feb 15, 2014 4:24 am

fortune wrote:That does ring a bell to me. the annoying thing is that i know i can speak fluently but for some reason whenever i talk to someone i can barely talk at times so it is obviously a mental thing as opposed to physical
To hear directly from Kathleen who has stuttered herself is pretty cool. Reading her advice, to follow the stuttering down to its source, feels really wise. I had a speech impediment when I was young and practice was the key. I suppose some would call this exposure therapy. There is a sense in all these things that facing them in a light-hearted way breaks them open. Then, after we seem to make progress, we realise that the thing we 'fixed' was a great thing to have experienced.

They are all great motivators to be firmly rooted in the now.

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Re: Stammering

Post by Testigo » Sat Feb 15, 2014 5:17 pm

Dear Friend.
I am a stutter, too. Better to say, I USED TO BE. Terrible! My childhood, the schooll, the gibes, the laughs... the consequences over my personality. For diverses circunstancies of my life I ended up being a teacher! Then the situation become really untenable. Out of despair, I wrote a very long letter to a well known philosopher, astrologuer, writer and spiritual guide from Colombia, long deceased now, carefully and with all details explaining my problem. To my surprise and disappoinment, I received from him the following laconic answer:
"Dear Sir:
Eat onions in regular quantity". Sincerilly,
I.R."
Well. Disappointed or not, that is exactly what I started to do since that very day. I don't know what he meant for a "regular quantity", but any way, I told myself, that it has to be much more than I use to eat, because at that time I didn't like them. So, in my soup, rice, salad... in almost every thing I eat I started adding a "regular quantity" of onion.
The result: I GOT CURED in just a few weeks!
I am fluent at speaking. For instance, if someone told my wife that I used to be a stutter, she would never believe that, because she has never heard me stammering in the 22 years we have been together. Or if someone ask my students about I beeing a stutter, they would deny... except the ones that attended my classes before the year 1978.
How it works? I don't have a clue, but I can asure you, it does, at least in my case. One of my nephews is a stutter too. When I got my olmost miracoulus cure, I told my brother to inform his son about the effect onions had on me.
I don't live in Colombia any more. Two years ago when I visited the country, I talked to my nephew, and I noticed that he was exactly the same as ever: stammering. I have not enough confidence to talk to him about his problem or if he had discussed or not with his father about onions, and I now have the doubt: did my brother tell him to eat onions, or not? Did he take onions but it didn't have any affect on him? I don't know the answer.
I hope this information helps you, my friend.
TESTIGO

To land Here and Now

peas
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Re: Stammering

Post by peas » Sat Feb 15, 2014 11:39 pm

Testigo wrote: "Dear Sir:
Eat onions in regular quantity". Sincerilly,
I.R."
While we are on the topic of alternative methods, there's this.

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Re: Stammering

Post by KathleenBrugger » Sun Feb 16, 2014 5:25 pm

peas wrote:
Testigo wrote: "Dear Sir:
Eat onions in regular quantity". Sincerilly,
I.R."
While we are on the topic of alternative methods, there's this.
:D Peas, that's hilarious!

My case was fairly simple because it had a clear-cut beginning and it was easy to identify what had changed in my life. It may be harder for you fortune, but perhaps just becoming aware that your stuttering could be caused by your response to conditioning or trauma--I somehow got conditioned to be submissive--will help open you up to recognize whatever is blocking you.

Something that just occurred to me: elsewhere on this forum I shared about reading a book on the chakras, Eastern Body, Western Mind. As I read it I realized I had issues with the first chakra, even though I was born into a family that on the surface didn't have any of the features that would cause 1st chakra abandonment issues. What came clear though was that because of some circumstances in my parents' relationship, there was a subtle communication of "you have no right to be here," to me. Not to mention that I was the 2nd child, I'm sure that's not unusual for a 2nd child to get from the older sibling that life would be better if you weren't here. I could see that this was at the root (so to speak) of many of my insecurities--for example, "I have no right to be on the planet taking up space, so why should anyone listen to what I have to say."

Maybe most of all: recognize there is nothing wrong with you. This is just some twist in the programming that happened in your life. We all have our particular twists and kinks to work out. And as peas said, sometimes our burdens are a great thing to have experienced--they help us learn the lessons we need to learn. Many alcoholics after recovery say they are grateful for their alcoholism because otherwise they would never have had the humility to discover a spiritual life. I heard a minister say recently, "God is in our demons too."
We are ALL Innocent by Reason of Insanity
http://kathleenbrugger.blogspot.com/

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Re: Stammering

Post by Sighclone » Sun Feb 16, 2014 8:16 pm

I heard a minister say recently, "God is in our demons too."
I like that KB!

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: Stammering

Post by Onceler » Sun Feb 16, 2014 8:21 pm

When my daughter stuttered at 4 or 5 years old, a wise speech therapist told me that I just had to hear her out. Never finish the sentence for her, never rush her, just listen and....well, be present. I remember doing this, even though it was excruciating at times, but she didn't seem to mind and struggled on. It eventually went away on its own and she is stutter free. The problem was obviously mine and not hers.
Be present, be pleasant.

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Re: Stammering

Post by KathleenBrugger » Sun Feb 16, 2014 8:52 pm

Sighclone wrote:
I heard a minister say recently, "God is in our demons too."
I like that KB!

Andy
Me too! I was so moved by it. The minister is Howard Hanger, of the Jubilee Community in Asheville. He is always coming out with really thought-provoking comments. Here's a little synopsis of what he said last Sunday. First I'll say the theme is "Why Not?" from the quote by George Bernard Shaw: "You see things as they are and you ask 'Why?' But I dream things that never were and ask 'Why not?"
“Sometimes I wrestle with my demons,” goes the T-shirt wisdom, “and sometimes we go out dancing.” Whether we tussle or tango with our dark side, we got to admit that it’s something to deal with.

For some it’s drugs, alcohol, food, sex or some other addiction. For some it’s a feeling of incompetence, stupidity or futility. Other demons show up as megalomania, pride or OCD control-freak. There are demons who whisper in your ear, “You’ll never be loved,” or “No one really likes you,” or “Whoever thought you could make it in this world?”

Some therapists might tell you that when you fight with your demons, it only makes them stronger. Some ministers might advise prayer or rigid discipline. A guru might suggest a silent retreat or daily meditation.

But, what if these demons might just teach us something about ourselves? About where we came from and where we’re going? Leonard Cohen sings, “Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” Is it possible that the demons or cracks in our lives just might teach us better how to live and love? Why not?
We are ALL Innocent by Reason of Insanity
http://kathleenbrugger.blogspot.com/

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