Someone help me please...

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
Phil2
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Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: Someone help me please...

Post by Phil2 » Mon Apr 28, 2014 10:26 am

dannydawiz wrote:Please someone help me. I feel like i'm dying.

...

What is wrong with me? Why is it that suddenly I have no motivation to do anything?
Maybe you could consider that there is nothing wrong not doing anything ...

??

As Blaise Pascal said (also quoted by Eckhart Tolle in one of his talks):

“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”


Learn to be quiet, I cannot say it enough ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

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dannydawiz
Posts: 78
Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2014 1:18 am

Re: Someone help me please...

Post by dannydawiz » Mon Apr 28, 2014 5:18 pm

Phil2 wrote:
Maybe you could consider that there is nothing wrong not doing anything ...

??

As Blaise Pascal said (also quoted by Eckhart Tolle in one of his talks):

“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”


Learn to be quiet, I cannot say it enough ...[/quote]

There may not being nothing wrong not doing anything in a perfect world. We all need to make a living somehow though. Doing nothing isn't exactly going to pay the bills. That is why I cannot do nothing.

Phil2
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: Someone help me please...

Post by Phil2 » Mon Apr 28, 2014 10:35 pm

dannydawiz wrote:
There may not being nothing wrong not doing anything in a perfect world. We all need to make a living somehow though. Doing nothing isn't exactly going to pay the bills. That is why I cannot do nothing.
So the problem is not so much the fact of "doing nothing" than the fact of having to "pay the bills", right ?

Now of course, thought imagines all kinds of dreadful consequences for "not paying the bills", like losing your home, and maybe you have a family with children, right ? And all this thought process occupies your mind night and day, and consumes a lot of your energy, which is already quite low ...

I remember many years ago, I had a colleague at work, he was very depressive, and he told me "when I am at work I think of my problems I have at home, and when I am at home I think of the problems I have at work" ... I realized then how thought can be a 'torture instrument' and take all your energy in the vicious circle of depression ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

davemill
Posts: 25
Joined: Fri May 02, 2014 12:19 am

Re: Someone help me please...

Post by davemill » Sun May 11, 2014 7:35 pm

Danny,

I'm reading this thread a few weeks after the last post. It would be wonderful to hear an update from you. The quotes below are from your post on April 18.
dannydawiz wrote:
I made it my goal to become one of the greatest players in the world....I would play for 8 hours on school days and 10 hours on week days even with schoolwork included. Every day I would wake up feeling excited throughout the entire day. The more I played the better I got and along with that so did my ego.

The greatest guitar player in the world was my identity.

It was literally who I believed myself to be or at least what I believed I was turning into. I would practice all day and then when I got to school I would play for all my friends. The girls LOVED me while the guys envied me. I even started a youtube channel and attracted myself my own fanbase/market. Once I saw that I was starting to get recognized it became an addiction. The more I practiced and played the more compliments I got from not only my friends and family but from the entire social media. I was living the teenage dream.

I wanted it all. Money, women, fame, recognition.I wanted people to envy me and for other people to want to be me. These were all the things that drove me as a teenager. I was VERY VERY VERY externally driven.
Danny, the fact that you wrote this yourself means that you understand the trap your ego led you into. That's particularly impressive given that you achieved what you did, and also had the "externally driven" realization, at such a young age. I won't mention your age again, because the maturity of your writing and your understanding of your experience show wisdom and experience beyond your years.

I checked out your YouTube channel-you have amazing talent on the guitar! And though you say you wanted "money, women, fame, recognition," it is also clear from many of your videos that you are a natural teacher-you repeatedly offered advice, techniques and training well beyond just showing off. I don't think you mentioned that in your thread here-how much you contributed to the community even several years ago.

dannydawiz wrote:
Suddenly I stopped progressing. I don't know why this happened but one day I just could not get any better. I actually got WORSE than I was before...

My identity would not allow this.

I was supposed to be the greatest in the world one day. How was it that I couldn't progress? I began to hate myself. I would try and try hopelessly and then when things didn't work out I would cry myself to sleep...Meanwhile when all of this was happening the fan base that I had attracted was disappearing...All of the girls that loved me in middle school began to leave me...ALL of my friends disappeared as I began to sacrifice my social life for the instrument.
You've undoubtedly heard that fame is fleeting...Fame is actually other people's egos identifying themselves with yours. It seldom lasts very long.

Regarding "getting worse," at the point you decided that, your ego was still telling you that you were in a competition to become the best in the world. Is it possible that by that point you had lost some of your love of the instrument and the experience of playing, and your ego had focused you too much on the externalities like the adoration of middle school girls?
dannydawiz wrote:
This is when I discovered what is known as the DEEP WEB.

For those of you that don't know, the deep web is the part of the internet that you can't find on google. The deep web is uncensored and it's 500x bigger than the surface web is. You need a special application in order to reach this part of the internet.

Once I reached this part of the internet boy did I regret it.

I went there expecting to find knowledge but instead I found the most disturbing things that I had ever seen in my life. Assassination videos, Drug markets, Human Trafficking, Murder videos, Human Mutilation, Rape, Child Pornography, Death matches, Hitmen, and tons of other terrible things.

This was my very first introduction to human suffering.

I COULD NOT SLEEP AT NIGHT. All I felt was fear when I went to bed thinking of everything that I had witnessed. All this pain that was going on in the world that my eyes were completely shut out to. I became OVERWHELMINGLY DISGUSTED with the world. They say that when the Buddha came out from the palace walls he witnessed the suffering of the world. This is what I feel that I had gone through.

At this point I went into a severe depression. I remember lying down at school against a huge field of grass wanting to die. I had lost everything externally. Suddenly I felt so isolated from society. I learned my lessons on suffering, attachment to form, and ego very early in my life through experience.
What an unbelievably rapid sequence of events for you! If you have read other threads on this forum, you have realized that the path you travelled in about four years took many other people 10, 20 even 30 or more years. And please remember that much of the "Deep Web" is the egoic future fantasies of the unconscious.
dannydawiz wrote:
I had to find peace of mind and I wasn't going to get that information from my school. I needed time to figure out what reality was really like...Somewhere down the line I discovered Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth". The book literally saved me. All of a sudden everything that I had previously experienced made sense. Meanings to an end, attachments to form, identities, observation of thoughts, presence and everything from page one all the way to the final page.

My depression was suddenly gone because now I understood how to deal with all of the pain. Through the realization that I wasn't my thoughts came a sudden rebirth. With that rebirth came the peace of mind I was looking for.

That is the past story of my joy, enthusiasm, and what has led me here.

It's been half a year since then and I feel that my search is almost at its end.
Eckhart Tolle's books have had the same effect on me. For quite some time I felt that my search was "almost at its end." I actually began to get frustrated...Tolle's had provided this crystal clear map of how my mind worked, and described perfectly what happened when I allowed my egoic mind run my life. But now what?

It was during a family member's particularly emotional episode that I glimpsed the answer. I realized that, in the whole universe, the one place I wanted to be was right there with her, during her terrible time. I couldn't fix it, there was nothing I could say that would change anything, but if I could be totally present for her it would help. I found myself smiling, during a moment that wasn't very happy!

Since then, I've been able to spend more and more time in the Now. This is the simple key to it all: Watch the Thinker, and when you do so, the Thinker turns off. This is absolute magic, though I have to do it over and over...

I personally haven't wandered far from Tolle's books, as there is so much in them to learn. By the way, although New Earth is very good, my favorite is Practicing the Power of Now, audio version.

So going back to the first message in this thread:
dannydawiz wrote:Please someone help me. I feel like i'm dying...I can't feel joy.
Try this. Take your guitar somewhere peaceful and alone. Play a favorite song. Not a fan favorite, or a technique demonstration, or a current hit. Play something you enjoy. You are such a good player, the playing will probably only occupy just a fraction of your attention, and your egoic mind will have the opportunity to wander free while you play. WATCH IT. It will try to take you into the Past: how good you used to be, how much your friends liked you, and how badly your teacher treated you. It will try to take you into the Future: adoring crowds screaming your name, parties, money. Each time the egoic mind takes you to one of these places, WATCH IT and it will stop. This may take some practice, because your Egoic mind has so many years experience taking you into the Past and Future and away from the Now.

But eventually you will find yourself back in the Now, just you and your music. Enter the Now from There.

Come back some time and update us!
I'm a Dad.

User avatar
dannydawiz
Posts: 78
Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2014 1:18 am

Re: Someone help me please...

Post by dannydawiz » Tue May 13, 2014 5:27 pm

davemill wrote:Danny,

I'm reading this thread a few weeks after the last post. It would be wonderful to hear an update from you. The quotes below are from your post on April 18.
dannydawiz wrote:
I made it my goal to become one of the greatest players in the world....I would play for 8 hours on school days and 10 hours on week days even with schoolwork included. Every day I would wake up feeling excited throughout the entire day. The more I played the better I got and along with that so did my ego.

The greatest guitar player in the world was my identity.

It was literally who I believed myself to be or at least what I believed I was turning into. I would practice all day and then when I got to school I would play for all my friends. The girls LOVED me while the guys envied me. I even started a youtube channel and attracted myself my own fanbase/market. Once I saw that I was starting to get recognized it became an addiction. The more I practiced and played the more compliments I got from not only my friends and family but from the entire social media. I was living the teenage dream.

I wanted it all. Money, women, fame, recognition.I wanted people to envy me and for other people to want to be me. These were all the things that drove me as a teenager. I was VERY VERY VERY externally driven.
Danny, the fact that you wrote this yourself means that you understand the trap your ego led you into. That's particularly impressive given that you achieved what you did, and also had the "externally driven" realization, at such a young age. I won't mention your age again, because the maturity of your writing and your understanding of your experience show wisdom and experience beyond your years.

I checked out your YouTube channel-you have amazing talent on the guitar! And though you say you wanted "money, women, fame, recognition," it is also clear from many of your videos that you are a natural teacher-you repeatedly offered advice, techniques and training well beyond just showing off. I don't think you mentioned that in your thread here-how much you contributed to the community even several years ago.

dannydawiz wrote:
Suddenly I stopped progressing. I don't know why this happened but one day I just could not get any better. I actually got WORSE than I was before...

My identity would not allow this.

I was supposed to be the greatest in the world one day. How was it that I couldn't progress? I began to hate myself. I would try and try hopelessly and then when things didn't work out I would cry myself to sleep...Meanwhile when all of this was happening the fan base that I had attracted was disappearing...All of the girls that loved me in middle school began to leave me...ALL of my friends disappeared as I began to sacrifice my social life for the instrument.
You've undoubtedly heard that fame is fleeting...Fame is actually other people's egos identifying themselves with yours. It seldom lasts very long.

Regarding "getting worse," at the point you decided that, your ego was still telling you that you were in a competition to become the best in the world. Is it possible that by that point you had lost some of your love of the instrument and the experience of playing, and your ego had focused you too much on the externalities like the adoration of middle school girls?
dannydawiz wrote:
This is when I discovered what is known as the DEEP WEB.

For those of you that don't know, the deep web is the part of the internet that you can't find on google. The deep web is uncensored and it's 500x bigger than the surface web is. You need a special application in order to reach this part of the internet.

Once I reached this part of the internet boy did I regret it.

I went there expecting to find knowledge but instead I found the most disturbing things that I had ever seen in my life. Assassination videos, Drug markets, Human Trafficking, Murder videos, Human Mutilation, Rape, Child Pornography, Death matches, Hitmen, and tons of other terrible things.

This was my very first introduction to human suffering.

I COULD NOT SLEEP AT NIGHT. All I felt was fear when I went to bed thinking of everything that I had witnessed. All this pain that was going on in the world that my eyes were completely shut out to. I became OVERWHELMINGLY DISGUSTED with the world. They say that when the Buddha came out from the palace walls he witnessed the suffering of the world. This is what I feel that I had gone through.

At this point I went into a severe depression. I remember lying down at school against a huge field of grass wanting to die. I had lost everything externally. Suddenly I felt so isolated from society. I learned my lessons on suffering, attachment to form, and ego very early in my life through experience.
What an unbelievably rapid sequence of events for you! If you have read other threads on this forum, you have realized that the path you travelled in about four years took many other people 10, 20 even 30 or more years. And please remember that much of the "Deep Web" is the egoic future fantasies of the unconscious.
dannydawiz wrote:
I had to find peace of mind and I wasn't going to get that information from my school. I needed time to figure out what reality was really like...Somewhere down the line I discovered Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth". The book literally saved me. All of a sudden everything that I had previously experienced made sense. Meanings to an end, attachments to form, identities, observation of thoughts, presence and everything from page one all the way to the final page.

My depression was suddenly gone because now I understood how to deal with all of the pain. Through the realization that I wasn't my thoughts came a sudden rebirth. With that rebirth came the peace of mind I was looking for.

That is the past story of my joy, enthusiasm, and what has led me here.

It's been half a year since then and I feel that my search is almost at its end.
Eckhart Tolle's books have had the same effect on me. For quite some time I felt that my search was "almost at its end." I actually began to get frustrated...Tolle's had provided this crystal clear map of how my mind worked, and described perfectly what happened when I allowed my egoic mind run my life. But now what?

It was during a family member's particularly emotional episode that I glimpsed the answer. I realized that, in the whole universe, the one place I wanted to be was right there with her, during her terrible time. I couldn't fix it, there was nothing I could say that would change anything, but if I could be totally present for her it would help. I found myself smiling, during a moment that wasn't very happy!

Since then, I've been able to spend more and more time in the Now. This is the simple key to it all: Watch the Thinker, and when you do so, the Thinker turns off. This is absolute magic, though I have to do it over and over...

I personally haven't wandered far from Tolle's books, as there is so much in them to learn. By the way, although New Earth is very good, my favorite is Practicing the Power of Now, audio version.

So going back to the first message in this thread:
dannydawiz wrote:Please someone help me. I feel like i'm dying...I can't feel joy.
Try this. Take your guitar somewhere peaceful and alone. Play a favorite song. Not a fan favorite, or a technique demonstration, or a current hit. Play something you enjoy. You are such a good player, the playing will probably only occupy just a fraction of your attention, and your egoic mind will have the opportunity to wander free while you play. WATCH IT. It will try to take you into the Past: how good you used to be, how much your friends liked you, and how badly your teacher treated you. It will try to take you into the Future: adoring crowds screaming your name, parties, money. Each time the egoic mind takes you to one of these places, WATCH IT and it will stop. This may take some practice, because your Egoic mind has so many years experience taking you into the Past and Future and away from the Now.

But eventually you will find yourself back in the Now, just you and your music. Enter the Now from There.

Come back some time and update us!
Hello Dave.

First off I would like to thank you because reading this thread made me smile quite a bit. I was having a bit of a bad day yesterday and reading this thread cheered me up a bit.

Even if I did have these realizations I don't feel like it's something that people would ever be able to notice. If anything these realizations have helped me deal with everyday living a bit more. Yes it is true that I did contribute to the community several years ago even though it wasn't really my intentions. I just wanted to upload videos of my playing and I never expected anything to come of it. The sad part is I can hardly play any of those songs anymore. Like I said in my previous post instead of getting better I actually got worse as far as technique goes.

Yes regarding "getting worse" I was still in a competition to be the best in the world and I took pleasure in knowing that it was slowly becoming a reality. That was until the block hit me of course. I don't feel like I ever played the guitar to much for women. If anything playing the guitar was just something that I did because I felt that it made me unique. To me if someone was holding a guitar when I was young they were the coolest person in the world. I had loved music so much more than actually playing guitar. Listening to music just gave me a sense of euphoria and escape from everything. There was never anything more exciting to me than listening to a song that was unique and melodic.

The externalities such as the women, money, and fame were just bonuses really. If anything the things that motivated me the most was the recognition and the identity of being the best in the world. When you're at that age you generally do what people recognize you for and that's what kept me playing. Whenever I caught myself wanting to slack off I always reminded myself "is this what the greatest player in the world would be doing?" then I went back to practicing.

As far as an update on how I'm doing right now I can't label it as good. My mind has felt heavy these past few days and there is also a voice in my head that hates its own identity. All I can really do though is accept this sadness and move on really. After being this way for so many years I'm starting to get tired of trying... Dis-identifying from the mind at times brings me back to a calm place but it doesn't change anything externally.

I don't really think I'm in any condition to play guitar right now... I haven't picked it up this whole year. The desire isn't really there anymore. The only thing that I ever wanted to be able to do was make music. Music excites me more than anything. Whenever I try to make music though I get even more sad because I can't write anything that excites me.

I'm tired of trying. Whats the use in trying if the end result is always the same. Even If I could magically write music I have far to much performance anxiety to ever actually play it in front of anyone. It's just what I'm learning to accept and move on with.

Thank you for replying Dave but right now life feels to heavy for me to try any of that again. Just getting through the day is enough of a struggle for me as it is. I love Eckhart's writings with all my heart but right now I just feel weak.

davemill
Posts: 25
Joined: Fri May 02, 2014 12:19 am

Re: Someone help me please...

Post by davemill » Thu May 15, 2014 3:09 am

dannydawiz wrote:I don't really think I'm in any condition to play guitar right now... I haven't picked it up this whole year. The desire isn't really there anymore. The only thing that I ever wanted to be able to do was make music. Music excites me more than anything. Whenever I try to make music though I get even more sad because I can't write anything that excites me.

I'm tired of trying. Whats the use in trying if the end result is always the same. Even If I could magically write music I have far to much performance anxiety to ever actually play it in front of anyone. It's just what I'm learning to accept and move on with.

Thank you for replying Dave but right now life feels to heavy for me to try any of that again. Just getting through the day is enough of a struggle for me as it is. I love Eckhart's writings with all my heart but right now I just feel weak.
Danny,

You are a natural musician, and a Teacher as well. Capital T on Teacher because your gift could extend far beyond music.

Consider picking up the guitar, and playing some songs you love. Just play, with no goal, no objective, no ego. Don't write music yet, just play. The writing will come in time. Play to hear the music come from the strings. Keep it simple, because your goal is to recapture the joy you felt before. Joy is a fast path to Stillness.

I am urging you to recapture the magic of the music, without letting your thinking mind cast judgement on your skill, or your writing, or anything else.
I'm a Dad.

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