My deepest questions

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
User avatar
deepocean
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Apr 07, 2014 7:57 pm

My deepest questions

Post by deepocean » Tue Apr 22, 2014 7:04 pm

One of my deepest questions is about self-confidence. Self confidence dosen't seem to be a certain kind of ego rather than it is "self" trust of the ego whatever the shape, feeling worthy and feeling that one has the power to take the right action for everyones best.
But to take the "right" action one must say that something is right and something is wrong "We will eat at Mcdonalds since their fries are better then Burger king". But the one projecting "reality" onto the macdonald fries and saying they're better then burger kings is ego. Your trusting your "self" that mcdonalds is the place to go to, which is ego.

What I'm trying to entangle in my mind is " How can I trust myself to take the right action when it is the ego who is judging/projecting its own false reality onto reality" shouldn't this be bad? How can I have power in my conviction that this is good and this is bad when it is ego saying these words? My dog isn't in nature good or bad until the ego projects it's conviction.

This minds says that it is not ok to like oneself cause there is nothing to like, I would just like an false created illusion, an illusion casted by the ego for example "I like to be smarter. I like this comedian. I like you. I think this is how humans should be".

How can I trust myself, if my "self" is ego?..
And how should I even do a thing as picking a new girlfriend, a good movie etc. if I shouldnt judge myself or others.. then I would just pick a random girl on the streets and enjoy my time with her exactly as much as with anyone else when infact my body answers better to girls with a positive energy.

Maybe the answer is realizing that your something beyond thought, then playing the game of ego and what the conditioned mind/body answers positively too from a perspective without attachments?





I've had problems saying "I like this", since the ego is thinking "ego likes this". So it's trying do destroy itself instead of accepting it's conditioning.
"Who Am I?"
Experience the answer.

sardinelover
Posts: 98
Joined: Sat Jun 06, 2009 5:50 am

Re: My deepest questions

Post by sardinelover » Wed Apr 23, 2014 2:47 am

Forget about the idea or concept of ego, and your life will be much simpler.
Relax your face

User avatar
EnterZenFromThere
Posts: 854
Joined: Wed Dec 25, 2013 3:35 pm

Re: My deepest questions

Post by EnterZenFromThere » Fri Apr 25, 2014 4:33 pm

It's a tricky situation for sure deep. How do we choose the right action if we are using the ego in some way to decide what to do? Although Eckhart seemed to quickly jump from "ego" to "no ego" states of existence, for most of us it isn't that sudden - so we have to go through a process. I get caught in the trap sometimes of having an ego thought and then reprimanding myself for it. But by criticising the ego we are engaging with another ego process, instead of watching the whirlpool of ego/thoughts, we have jumped in and are spinning around in confusion. Some people call criticising the ego being an "ego cop" and most people I've spoken to say it isn't too helpful in bringing us peace and happiness.

The ego has it's place. Don't try and fight it or the mind will just get more and more agitated. Allow it to be there when decisions are made. Try to do the right things for yourself and others. A big step for me was learning to love and appreciate the ego. It is a subtle form intimately connected to this mind-body-personality. If possible, when you feel caught up in wondering whether or not you should be thinking what you are, try and just ease yourself into the moment those thoughts are arising in - allow everything in that moment and see what happens.

Much love,

Jack

User avatar
dijmart
Posts: 2114
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: My deepest questions

Post by dijmart » Fri Apr 25, 2014 7:42 pm

EnterZenFromThere wrote:It's a tricky situation for sure deep. How do we choose the right action if we are using the ego in some way to decide what to do? Although Eckhart seemed to quickly jump from "ego" to "no ego" states of existence, for most of us it isn't that sudden - so we have to go through a process. I get caught in the trap sometimes of having an ego thought and then reprimanding myself for it. But by criticising the ego we are engaging with another ego process, instead of watching the whirlpool of ego/thoughts, we have jumped in and are spinning around in confusion. Some people call criticising the ego being an "ego cop" and most people I've spoken to say it isn't too helpful in bringing us peace and happiness.

The ego has it's place. Don't try and fight it or the mind will just get more and more agitated. Allow it to be there when decisions are made. Try to do the right things for yourself and others. A big step for me was learning to love and appreciate the ego. It is a subtle form intimately connected to this mind-body-personality. If possible, when you feel caught up in wondering whether or not you should be thinking what you are, try and just ease yourself into the moment those thoughts are arising in - allow everything in that moment and see what happens.

Much love,

Jack
I agree! And would add that it took me awhile to realize that the only one trying to get rid of the ego IS the ego. Thoughts arise in consciousness and you can either identify with them or not. If I choose Mcdonalds or Burger King, it was because a decision had to be made if those were the only choices and that is the problem solving mind, not ego, in my opinion.
Take what you like and leave the rest.

User avatar
smiileyjen101
Posts: 3750
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:44 am

Re: My deepest questions

Post by smiileyjen101 » Sat Apr 26, 2014 12:59 am

EnterZenfromthere said: A big step for me was learning to love and appreciate the ego. It is a subtle form intimately connected to this mind-body-personality. If possible, when you feel caught up in wondering whether or not you should be thinking what you are, try and just ease yourself into the moment those thoughts are arising in - allow everything in that moment and see what happens.
Nice one Jack

Deepocean you noted that your dog isn't good or bad except by your perception of it.
When a 'should' (or should not) rather than 'can' or 'will' 'has' or 'is' arises, it is holding what is at a distance and overlaying an external perception over it.

So in any choice there just is perceptions within the choice as DJ said.

If those perceptions are ego-laden (as ET says easy to recognise ego overwhelming all else in our decision making or perspective creating, if we are making enemy, obstacle or means to an end of a thing, person or situation) the 'should' will be a stronger influence.

Healthy self confidence is the ability to balance the myriad of perspectives overlaying a thing and choosing to be who you are with confidence.

Blind confidence, or egoic confidence is more like arrogance, thinking that your perspective is the only 'right' one and blindly believing in it, reinforcing it. Again one will see evidence of making enemy, obstacle, means to an end of a thing, person, or situation.

ET says you will know the difference because if one is operating from blind/ego, it will be creating suffering for self and others.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com

User avatar
dijmart
Posts: 2114
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: My deepest questions

Post by dijmart » Sat Apr 26, 2014 2:36 am

Really great post Jen! :D
Take what you like and leave the rest.

peas
Posts: 389
Joined: Tue Dec 24, 2013 3:42 pm

Re: My deepest questions

Post by peas » Sat Apr 26, 2014 3:19 am

deepocean wrote:One of my deepest questions is about self-confidence.
The best question you can ever ask yourself is: What is the point of my question? Where does it come from inside me?

In this case, what is the point of asking a question about self-confidence? Where does the question of self-confidence come from?

The question about the question is more important than the question itself, because it takes you deeper than thought. It takes you to the awareness layer.

Phil2
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: My deepest questions

Post by Phil2 » Mon Apr 28, 2014 10:13 am

deepocean wrote:
How can I trust myself, if my "self" is ego?..
Very simple : Don't trust it ! ... ego is a liar ... don't believe what thought tells you ... you are not your thought ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

User avatar
viking55803
Posts: 77
Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2014 7:38 pm
Location: Duluth, Minnesota

Re: My deepest questions

Post by viking55803 » Tue May 06, 2014 4:00 pm

deepocean wrote:One of my deepest questions is about self-confidence. Self confidence dosen't seem to be a certain kind of ego rather than it is "self" trust of the ego whatever the shape, feeling worthy and feeling that one has the power to take the right action for everyones best.
I am new to this forum but would like to add a slightly different perspective on this question. You may be familiar with Carl Jung's notion of psyche (the big "S" Self as opposed to the egoic self.) He describes four basic functions of the psyche: thinking, feeling, sensing, and intuition. What is interesting and maybe relevant to this discussion is that thinking and feeling are both "rational" functions in Jung's view. What he means is that both functions operate as "judges" of what is "good" or "bad." The feeling of worthiness or self-confidence is a judgement, but as ET would say, feelings are "forms" - useful perhaps, but still forms. We absolutely need thinking and feeling to make our way in the world, just as we need an ego to help us live within and navigate the boundaries, rules and limitations of our social lives. Unfortunately, when feeling and thinking start to pass judgement on who we ARE things get tricky.

Feelings of self-confidence are often the product of an inflated ego. For example, I am a confident person in some situations simply because I know I possess the knowledge and abilities that are necessary to perform the task at hand. If that is not the case, then self-confidence is delusional and unrealistic. When I undertake a new and unfamiliar task I often feel awkward, clumsy, uncomfortable, ignorant. Personally, I have come to see that not only as a "normal" feeling, but have come to enjoy those feelings. For example, when one takes up a new musical instrument every movement is a conscious effort, mistakes are repeated over and over, nothing feels natural or comfortable. The obvious solution is practice. When you begin in total ignorance and know it without a delusional belief that you "should" be able to DO better, you can also know that, with practice, things can only get better. It's like throwing a baby into a swimming pool!

User avatar
smiileyjen101
Posts: 3750
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:44 am

Re: My deepest questions

Post by smiileyjen101 » Wed May 07, 2014 12:53 am

:D Welcome Viking ... I'm gonna like reading your posts :D
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com

Phil2
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: My deepest questions

Post by Phil2 » Wed May 07, 2014 6:38 am

viking55803 wrote:We absolutely need thinking and feeling to make our way in the world, just as we need an ego to help us live within and navigate the boundaries, rules and limitations of our social lives.
Maybe you could develop this a little bit: why do we need an 'ego' to 'navigate' in social life ? What do you mean exactly by ego here ?
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

User avatar
viking55803
Posts: 77
Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2014 7:38 pm
Location: Duluth, Minnesota

Re: My deepest questions

Post by viking55803 » Wed May 07, 2014 4:17 pm

Phil2 wrote:Maybe you could develop this a little bit: why do we need an 'ego' to 'navigate' in social life ? What do you mean exactly by ego here ?
I believe at its most basic level the ego is the central organizing complex that is responsible for the creation of our sense of identity. I am not you. I am not the chair I am sitting in. We do not enter the world with an ego. Human infants lack the ability to distinguish themselves from the forms that exist in the space around them. In ET terms it is probably the same thing as the "conditioned mind." But it would not exist at all if it had no survival value. Even the "persona" - that story about ourselves we try to project as the "real" me and is clearly an egoic creation serves a purpose: attracting a mate, establishing a role, etc.

The transcendent vertical dimension of the now does not free us from living in the horizontal dimension.

User avatar
EnterZenFromThere
Posts: 854
Joined: Wed Dec 25, 2013 3:35 pm

Re: My deepest questions

Post by EnterZenFromThere » Wed May 07, 2014 4:23 pm

viking55803 wrote:The transcendent vertical dimension of the now does not free us from living in the horizontal dimension.
Amen Brother!

Love,

Jack

User avatar
viking55803
Posts: 77
Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2014 7:38 pm
Location: Duluth, Minnesota

Re: My deepest questions

Post by viking55803 » Wed May 07, 2014 6:40 pm

I apologize but was interrupted as I was completing my post - dealing with a dental abscess and realized I was late for my dental appointment! See what I mean about the horizontal dimension? Oh, the weakness of the flesh!

So I do think there is such a thing as a healthy ego, but even a healthy ego is not really who you are but is flexible and resilient enough to adjust the real and inevitable changes in your life. For example, having a personal goal is an ego-driven construct and ego strength helps you deal with obstacles, frustration, delayed gratification, planning, and the self-discipline you may need to reach that goal. The problem comes from identifying or more accurately over-identifying with your goals and aspirations. The problem is that the ego is never satisfied and always Imagining you will be a better person or a different person once this happens or that happens.

To use a personal example, I underwent quadruple heart bypass surgery about 16 months ago. As traumatic as that surgery is, it also created an opportunity, not simply to heal but to be a physically healthier person. The human body has an amazing self-healing capacity, but only if it is challenged or stressed with periods of rest in between. In the days and weeks immediately after surgery my present moments included pain, weakness, helplessness etc. I had to harness my ego to set goals or benchmarks of progress in order to motivate myself. You might say it was a "project." The result is that I feel better and am more fit than I have been in probably 20 years. Am I a better person, absolutely not, but I am a grateful person.

Anyway, I'm rambling now and hope this makes sense.

Phil2
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: My deepest questions

Post by Phil2 » Thu May 08, 2014 12:42 am

viking55803 wrote:
Phil2 wrote:Maybe you could develop this a little bit: why do we need an 'ego' to 'navigate' in social life ? What do you mean exactly by ego here ?
I believe at its most basic level the ego is the central organizing complex that is responsible for the creation of our sense of identity. I am not you. I am not the chair I am sitting in.
So ego is the sense of an identity separated from the rest of the world, creating a division between what is "me" (the 'center', our inner world) and what is "not me" (the 'periphery' or outside world, the 'others') ... can we admit that this separation is purely conceptual, artificial ie. a creation of thought ?

Now why would such a division help us navigate into this world and 'social life' ... why is this division needed at all ? When we see how many problems our selfish reactions engender ? This is mine, this is yours etc ... all the conflicts ... all the violence ...

??
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

Post Reply