I can´t get over her

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GermanEnlightenment
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by GermanEnlightenment » Thu Jun 05, 2014 4:37 pm

The last couple of days were just dreadful.
I don´t know what´s going on but two days ago I felt like was close to hysteria when I was in her proximity. I couldn´t stop thinking about kissing her or having sex with her and sometimes my thoughts even became violent when I realized that it will never happen. I´m not a violent person at all but I feel like this is my ego´s way of punishing her for not doing those things with me. It makes me feel screwed up and I feel ashamed for having these thoughts. I just want to accept that she´s just a friend instead of clinging to the vague hope that it will work out someday. I realize that all of this is just a fantasy anyway because in real-life things just aren´t perfect. It´s like I´m still looking forward to reach some kind of happiness that I won´t allow to give myself right now.

I see other girls that interest me but I never take any steps forward to actually make things happen. My behaviour towards them made me realize that I can´t "present" myself in a sexual way to women, as someone that finds them attractive. Sure, I make my innuendos and jokes but only with girls that I have not shot with anyway because they´re in a relationship or my friends. I feel like I need a girlfriend though. Maybe it´s my young age talking but I feel like I can´t be just content on myself right now. I want to have a relationship with all the ups and downs because life is just so damn boring. Yes, I have certain goals in life like finishing my training and getting my body into a certain shape but all of that doesn´t mean anything to me. I feel like my job or how my body looks actually has nothing to do with me. It´s just form, right? But I have no mission, no purpose. I feel like I have already given up on life and all of this just doesn´t amount to anything. I think I´m still holding onto this girl because at least the time when I was in love with her and the dreadful aftermath was exciting/unusual and I felt something other than the pure mediocrity of daily life. I´m just so tired of everything.
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)

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smiileyjen101
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by smiileyjen101 » Thu Jun 05, 2014 11:38 pm

The last couple of days were just dreadful.
I don´t know what´s going on ....
GE, may I 'suggest' - if you want to know what's going on that is, that you are creating this drama in the 'theme' of the topic title and this expressed 'perspective' that you attached belief to on the previous page.
I somehow wish to loose all hope to reach enlightenment because secretly I believe it will only happen when I´m suffering like hell and not when I´m doing anything to work towards it (whatever that means anyway). :lol:
No choice is wrong, you will just have the experience of it.

And so, you're 'suffering like hell' and loosing all hope of seeing things clearly - but because you're 'in' it, and deeply believe it you cannot see that. Any time you want a break from that 'drama' just step out of it and find again that energy of respectful love - the whole person, or whole situation attention energy.

Who would you be without the drama and beating yourself up and turning others into a means to an end?
It´s like I´m still looking forward to reach some kind of happiness that I won´t allow to give myself right now.
Why are you standing apart from it? When you know it is right there in the experience of respectful - whole person love, for yourself and for others - you know this - you've experienced this, you know how it feels and the energy and experience it allows to build and to flow.

You also know that your 'suffering' is in resistance to what is and your 'joy' is this respectful full - whole person love for yourself and others where / when you are being freely, joyfully you and allowing others to be their full, free, joyful self too.

How would you rename this topic, if you were in that state of joy?
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen

GermanEnlightenment
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by GermanEnlightenment » Fri Jun 06, 2014 2:42 pm

You are right. These destructive thoughts arised and I followed them simply to have more reasons to suffer. :) Now that I have exhausted certain thought patterns by allowing presence in my life, my mind comes up with brand-new thoughts to torture me, to not let go of the old pain. And I think because these new thoughts have only recently entered my mind, I feel like they must be more true than those thoughts that were already penetrated by the light of presence.

Could it be that the boredom and tiredness that I feel right now is just the ego´s way of getting used to not longer having to fight against someone or something? That would also explain why I can listen to sad songs now and don´t have the urge to wallow in self-pity and despair anymore. It´s more like "yeah, been there, done that". In the last two days I was pretty much not doing anything at all besides reading a lot of online-articles about attraction, sex and dating. In my mind I had this idea of becoming this player-like guy who dates a lot of women. But yesterday I realized that this isn´t actually what I want but rather a role that I would like to play to show off in front of other people. I dug deeper into that and I also realized that I define a lot of my self-worth by not having a girlfriend. That was a major breakthrough for me because I felt like people where always judging me for not having one. This lack of mine made me feel inferior to those who have a girlfriend or are in a relationship. Why is this such a huge deal for me? Why is it important what society, other people or my friends would think about me?
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)

Phil2
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by Phil2 » Fri Jun 06, 2014 5:26 pm

GermanEnlightenment wrote:In my mind I had this idea of becoming this player-like guy who dates a lot of women. But yesterday I realized that this isn´t actually what I want but rather a role that I would like to play to show off in front of other people. I dug deeper into that and I also realized that I define a lot of my self-worth by not having a girlfriend. That was a major breakthrough for me because I felt like people where always judging me for not having one. This lack of mine made me feel inferior to those who have a girlfriend or are in a relationship. Why is this such a huge deal for me? Why is it important what society, other people or my friends would think about me?
You make here an excellent point GE. You can now see the incredible pressure resulting from imitation and social conformism ... and also how we suffer from the opinions of others, probably because we fear so much to be 'rejected' and be left alone ...

There is no freedom in this ... freedom can only happen when you can walk alone, psychologically totally alone, not needing others approval or opinions, not needing to belong to any groups, or beliefs or ideologies with all their bosses and rules and constraints ... you are just learning freedom, and ego doesn't like that, because ego is the prison of your mind ...

Reminds me the movie "Apocalypse Now" - Colonel Kurtz's (played by Marlon Brando) monologue about horror of the war and freeedom ... look at this excellent scene ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxLFdJLSho8

.".. because it's judgement that defeats us ..."


"Kurtz: Have you ever considered any real freedom ? Freedom from the opinion of others... even the opinions of yourself? "
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

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smiileyjen101
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by smiileyjen101 » Sat Jun 07, 2014 1:37 am

^^ Brilliant stuff Phil.
I also realized that I define a lot of my self-worth by not having a girlfriend.

That was a major breakthrough for me because I felt like people where always judging me for not having one. This lack of mine made me feel inferior to those who have a girlfriend or are in a relationship. Why is this such a huge deal for me? Why is it important what society, other people or my friends would think about me?
I want to turn this upside down and inside out. :wink:
Immediately that you had the thought I define... my self worth... you flicked it the response ability for this out there - over there for a 'reason' to explain and define your experience.

Instead look inside for no other reasons than what do you get from playing the role of being inferior?

In all things, there is an interplay between freedom from and freedom to.... there are a lot of freedoms from and freedoms to in not having a girlfriend, and at a deeper level in playing a role of being inferior.
People will expect 'less' of you than you are capable of.

Pretending we're a victim of society allows us to not be responsible to the degrees that we are able in our whatever situations / experiences.

In order to pretend and play the role of 'lack' and 'inferiority' we have to bemoan something, and/or be seen to not want it to be the way it is, that we 'want' it to be some other way. We may even believe we do want it to be another way but if we're getting something out of the 'role' of being inferior, we will sabotage any opportunity for stepping outside of that role to occur. (whatever 'it' may be).

This is often seen when people make an idol of someone or something that is unavailable to them, because then they can pretend they want something, but they're not really willing to step into the responsibilities of it. It's just easier to step into the cultural 'dream' and play the roles within it, playing up the 'excuses' and blaming others for our experience.

In honesty - love - this does not occur. It cannot co-exist with falsities. It calls you out to be who you really are and in absolute harmony with what is in this moment. And who we really are is immensely powerful, capable, response able, not at all 'inferior' to anything.

Keep reminding yourself who you really are, and who this girl really is - from those whole person respectful joyful free flowing 'perfect' honest interactions that you mentioned earlier. Don't distort them outside of what they are/were - when you start wandering into what might happen in the future or what 'should' be happening snap out of it and become present as then with what is. You do not need this girl or anyone / thing to do that, be that, or see that in others, it's who we really are without the role playing and deflections of that.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen

GermanEnlightenment
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by GermanEnlightenment » Sat Jun 07, 2014 3:59 pm

I´ve reached a point now where all of this sounds meaningless to me. Truth of the matter is I´ve given up on enlightenment. I really doubt ET´s message now because where is the prove that any word that is coming out of his mouth or his pen has any truth in it? Yes, I know my ego is fighting against awareness or whatever but what does that matter? I feel terrible the whole time and don´t do anything with my life.

I really doubt that I was ever in the now. Whenever I saw that girl in another light it could just have been some mindset that I temporarely adapted to cope with the situation. My mind is chasing after enightenment as a future fulfillment and nothing more. I don´t feel the awareness in my body that watches my thoughts and feelings, I rather believe it´s my mind looking at itself and analysing my feelings. I don´t feel connected to anything bigger than me, I can´t detach myself from thoughts and feelings. I don´t feel grateful for the present moment, my surroundings, my aliveness. There´s nothing I want to do. It´s not like I want to die, I woud just like to vanish from existence. Sure, from the outside my life doesn´t look bad (good grades, enough friends, athletic, intelligent) but what does it matter? I can´t remember the last time I was happy for more than a couple of seconds.I feel miserable and defective and somehow I don´t care about it. My life will go on anyway in its boring mediocrity interspersed by occasional little highs and dreadful lows.

No offense to anyone that tries to help me :wink: but I longer believe that any advice will somehow point me to the truth (if there is any in the first place).
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)

Phil2
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by Phil2 » Sat Jun 07, 2014 4:25 pm

GermanEnlightenment wrote: I really doubt ET´s message now because where is the prove that any word that is coming out of his mouth or his pen has any truth in it?
There is a Zen saying:

"A finger points to the moon, the fool looks at the finger"

Eckhart Tolle is a pointer ... truth you have to find yourself ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

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Clouded
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by Clouded » Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:18 pm

I feel that your main goal here is not to become enlightened per say but to be at peace with this girl not being romantically interested in you. Like I said, if your feelings are strong for her, try to distance yourself away from her (maybe do not completely avoid her) and find someone else to be "I'm love with" who will reciprocate those feelings back to you and that other girl will distract you so much that you will forget all about your feelings for the first girl. These strong feelings you experienced serve a purpose and that is procreate and to preserve the human species otherwise we would go extinct, it's an important drive so no wonder you have a tough time getting over it. When I was sad for being lonely on Valentines' day, people here have also told me that I don't need to be in a relationship at all, that I can be content with being single for all of my life if that becomes the case but still those same people have a romantic partner and I'm sure they wouldn't trade their lives with the forever alone life. If you want, spend less time with her and use that time to find someone else to bring "adventure" to your life, she's just another person, get out and meet more people, you don't owe her all of your time.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak

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smiileyjen101
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by smiileyjen101 » Sun Jun 08, 2014 5:02 am

That was a really interesting 'flick' no thank you reaction GE. Are you aware of what it was exactly that fuelled it?

No matter what we choose, it's all fine.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen

GermanEnlightenment
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by GermanEnlightenment » Mon Jun 09, 2014 3:07 pm

@Clouded

I think you are right because if this girl and I wouldn´t go to the same class together and she was just someone that I met somewhere randomly I wouldn´t have such a hard time getting over her. "Out of sight, out of mind" basically. But we spent 30+ hours together in class and we talk and joke a lot with each other so every day creates new moments and memories that I have with her. Being so close to her constantly but knowing that nothing will ever happen between us rips my heart apart.
Now I´m having two weeks off which is really is kind of a blessing because I feel like I can only deal with my feelings of disappointment when I don´t see her for extended periods of time. If we see each other every day it´s like these negative feelings are put on hold and I´m just happy to see her. It´s the best feeling in the world and egoic attachment or not, why should I let this feeling go? I don´t want to go back to the routine of daily-life and feel just kind of "meh" instead of being joyfully overwhelmed by this feeling of being able to conquer the world. I get that in the end this is all an illusion but at least it´s an illusion that is much more worth living than feeling empty and bored all the time.

@smiileyjen

I guess I just gave up hope that there´s anything that can save me. At this point I don´t even know if that´s a good thing or not. Right now I´m horribly depressed and I really enjoy that feeling. I already suffered from depression mutiple times in my life and usually what happens is that at some point I simply suffered enough and then it just stops. And every time I suffered from depression for a certain period of time I came out as a more capable, confident and "wise" person. The great thing about depression is that you go through so much suffering that afterwards pretty much nothing can shock you anymore. Everything is put in perspective. It cuts through the bs and you see what´s really important in life. :)

It´s just that I feel so incredibly tired right now. I read so much stuff about self-development from pick up artist-material to psychological studies to spiritual teachings, nearly everything you can imagine. Nothing seems to work for me, all of these theories and concepts I just temporarely adopt and let go after I feel like I´ve learned enough about them. Nothing seems to stick or feels right. It´s like I see that there are a 1000 different ways of living your life and how should I know which path to choose?
I do all of these things: I go out out, do sports, try to make new connections with people, spend time with friends, suceed in school etc. but I still can´t shake the feeling that everything is a pointless waste of time. Whenever I accomplish something I feel happy about it for two seconds and then the feeling is gone. I spend time with my friends or family but I don´t feel like I´m close to any of these people. I spend most of the time in my head, comtemplating life and the universe. It´s like I do everything else on autopilot and I´m not really there. Could be a depersonalization disorder.
I also asked myself the question if I would care if any of those people close to me would die. And frankly, I don´t know. The funny thing is that I´m really warm, empathetic and high-energy when I´m arround people. They enjoy spending time with me, they think I "get" them and often times ask me for advice. And I like that from a detached perspective. In the end it doesn´t mean much to me. Whenever I do something, or at least 90 per cent of the time, I feel this underlining sense of knowing how meaningless my whole existence is and how nothing that I do really matters. When I go deep inside me (whatever that means) I realize that I don´t know what I want. Even if I write down my goals or dreams it´s like I don´t really care about accomplishing them. I could become an enterpreneur or a bum, it simply doesn´t matter in the grand sheme of things.
Yesterday I was thinking about suicide again. But don´t worry I would never do it. That would just ruin the lifes of a lot of people that like or love me and what would be the point in doing that. If you kill yourself then well, it´s over. You don´t even see how this farce called "your life" will turn out. :mrgreen: I´m kind of curious to see what will happen next. The thing is I could post this reply and drop dead in front of my laptop. When you think about life in this way, it´s almost comical to think that we are so eager to plan ahead for anything in the future - you could die any minute.

I guess my incredible infatuation with this girl stems from being so detached from my own feelings and other people that I can´t believe that one person would be able to make me feel that way. It usually takes me ages to open up to people and trust them but I feel like with her I could do it easily. That´s not how attraction works though. And as far as she is concerned I´m just a guy that looks pretty content from the outside and gets stuff done while she doesn´t know how miserably I really am. I mean a lot of how I feel about the world leaks through when I´m talking to her but all the stuff that I wrote in here f.e. isn´t stuff that´s usually very share..able with the world. And I also don´t want to be the guy that´s constantly putting out negative energy arround other people especially when they are in a good mood and just want to have fun.
Our friendship isn´t based on equality anyway since I´m still in love with her even though I told her being friends is okay with me and that I´m over her. But what else can I do at this point? Create new drama by telling her that I´m still in love with her and that we should distance ourselves from each other? Right now, when we´ve reached a certain point where we really connect, have fun with each other? I feel like every decision that I could make is wrong. Being just her friend won´t lead to a relationship with her. Staying away from each other is awkward and painful and feels like I can´t work through my romantic feelings for her. Which is true because I simply can´t.


Well, these were some ramblings of a mad man. :)
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)

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smiileyjen101
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by smiileyjen101 » Tue Jun 10, 2014 12:23 am

Hi mad-man :P
Right now I´m horribly depressed and I really enjoy that feeling. I already suffered from depression multiple times in my life and usually what happens is that at some point I simply suffered enough and then it just stops. And every time I suffered from depression for a certain period of time I came out as a more capable, confident and "wise" person. The great thing about depression is that you go through so much suffering that afterwards pretty much nothing can shock you anymore. Everything is put in perspective. It cuts through the bs and you see what´s really important in life. :)
If you 'really enjoy that feeling' how can you label it as 'suffering' - suffered from depression. Suffering is not wanting the experience, not enjoying the experience and resisting it. If you do enjoy the experience maybe you create the conditions with which to experience it. As I said above there are freedom to, and freedom from, interplays in everything.

A friend of mine, a doctor, told me once that people who are depressed see the world, and life, more realistically than others do. Balancing between realism and idealism is less wide swinging than when we build high expectations and be extremely disappointed when things don't turn out as we expect, hope, idealise outside of what is real. It took him many years, decades even to learn to live in that skin and relate closely with others honestly at the same time. I remember when I met him all his angst was about others, primarily others dealing with depression, feeling suicidal and his passion and compassion to help them; and others that he saw as living an unreal life.

At the time I didn't know that he considers himself permanently clinically depressed and was self medicating at the same time as railing against pseudo drugs pushed by drug companies and other doctors, and the many 'distractions' in life that people pursue relentlessly that he felt was unrealistic, and so somehow 'wrong'.

I have to say I don't really understand it as a life path, but he described it in the definition he found from Germany - worldschmirtz - world weary.

We all get world weary at some time or another. Whether it needs to be another label or not in order to be a certain way, I leave to those who know more about it.

Would it be fair to say that what turns up (in experience) with this girl is not the world weary perspective that you hold onto? She gives you the opportunity to take a break from it in the moment/s that you genuinely forget to be depressed and yet because you also enjoy it, (being depressed) you create angst around it when you are not with her and have 'time on your hands'.

The thing is when you 'are' just being you with her - the one that feels safe to just be in the moment - it's not her that's doing that - it's not her that is making you drop your guard or your pretences, it's you - you deciding in this moment who you really are and forgetting all the things outside of this moment and just being in it.

Is this fleeting, absolutely!! As soon as we step outside of it and start analysing it we've stepped into our minds and our created dream. Only in our minds can we compare it to anything else and make it better or worse than anything else.

That you're touched by curiosity about life, that you see that there are thousands of ways to live it, is great - it means you have opened your mind to all the possibilities. I would suggest to balance the 'nothing matters' thoughts with 'everything matters' - it does~doesn't equally in different perspectives.

Life can be tiring, if we think we are CEO of the universe and responsible for all of it, or able to direct things in a finite manner, we're not, we are interacting with/in it.

There's a difference in seeing all the possibilities and like surfing flowing from one (wave) experience into another as currents arise, to standing on a boat with a net and trying to catch a wave and keep it. As soon as we do this we're creating a mental picture - like taking a photo - and then looking at the photo and judging it.

Of course everything in life is experienced as fleeting. It's in constant motion.

It's not a pointless waste of time if one understands this. The notion 'pointless waste of time' has conditions imposed over what is, the curiosity to see how it turns out doesn't have conditions, it has possibilities, endless potentials, endless waves of experiences.

We live with possibilities, potentials and waves that we cannot catch with a net and keep.

I'm not depressed - I have sad reactions to things that hurt and disappoint deeply, and I get world weary at times and conserve my energy, but I think I also see things realistically.

So with that said here's a few responses to these waves that arose
I just gave up hope that there´s anything that can save me.
You don't need 'saving'. At worst sometimes you feel like you're drowning on a wave of thoughts and emotion, but if you're breathing that's not a true interpretation of what is happening, you're dramatising and panicking. Breathe out and stop labelling yourself as a victim and imagining inferiorities.
The thing is I could post this reply and drop dead in front of my laptop. When you think about life in this way, it´s almost comical to think that we are so eager to plan ahead for anything in the future - you could die any minute.
This is true, would you have any regrets of things not done or said, or done and said?
Once you accept this as a reality in physical terms you live to live with no regrets - it's all said and done in the moment/s.

My daughter left a notebook laying on her bedroom floor with this written in it -
When someone laughs, someone cries,
When someone's born, someone dies,
So if you love someone, let them know,
for tomorrow they may leave
and never ever know.


It's balancing the realities with no regrets.

Ride the waves, without feeling like you need to 'catch' them.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen

GermanEnlightenment
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by GermanEnlightenment » Tue Jun 10, 2014 2:32 pm

smiileyjen101 wrote: Would it be fair to say that what turns up (in experience) with this girl is not the world weary perspective that you hold onto? She gives you the opportunity to take a break from it in the moment/s that you genuinely forget to be depressed and yet because you also enjoy it, (being depressed) you create angst around it when you are not with her and have 'time on your hands'.

The thing is when you 'are' just being you with her - the one that feels safe to just be in the moment - it's not her that's doing that - it's not her that is making you drop your guard or your pretences, it's you - you deciding in this moment who you really are and forgetting all the things outside of this moment and just being in it.

Is this fleeting, absolutely!! As soon as we step outside of it and start analysing it we've stepped into our minds and our created dream. Only in our minds can we compare it to anything else and make it better or worse than anything else.
You hit the nail on the head here, thanks! :)

Actually, something interest is happening with me now. Almost like having a mini-epiphany.
Putting myself out there with these "crazy" thoughts here in this forum and generally being more authentic with the people arround me in real-life feels like I´m detoxicating myself from long-held beliefs and thought patterns that were dominating my life in a very negative way. What I realized the other day is that whenever I entered a social situation in the past I would try to figure out what the other person likes to cater to their interests or try to fit in by telling certain stories that sometimes were just lies to make myself more interesting. I was a lying scumbag. :lol:
I think because I was always the outsider in my teenage years I adapted a "If you don´t care about me, then I don´t care about any of you either"-mindset which ultimately was just a defense-mechanism to shield myself from the rejection of others. I always pictured myself as a lone wolf that carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, like a tragic hero or something. :)
But what this does is that I approach people with the mindset that they proabably will reject me or leave me soon or later and of course that shines through in my interactions with them. But if I go in with the mindset that every encounter is a new possibility to have fun and share something more profound with another person then the conversation flows much more easily and I´m not there to get anything. If you want validation, fulfillment or something else from another person you communicate that subsconsciously and they pick up on it. It all comes back to knowing that YOU are already enough. Only the ego wants and needs. And I think I now learned that the hard way. Just look at all the "problems" of mine that I´ve recited in this thread. How is ONE girl supposed to fix all of them? :lol: I am a batshit-insane person. :lol: I really need to work on myself instead of burdening someone with the responsibility to fix me. Being with this girl would just temporarely burry my insecurities and fears instead of me tackling them right on. I would probably be "happy" to be with her for a couple of months but then all these problems would just come back as strong as they were before. That I would be fulfilled by just being with her is an illusion anyway since I don´t know how I would feel when I finally would be in a relationship with her. My mind wants to tell me that it would be the best thing since sliced bread :) but in the end I don´t know anything. Maybe the novelty would already wear off in a week and then I would´ve to look for the next thing to "complete" me.

What I need on a day to day-basis though is a powerful reminder of knowing that I´m on the right path. I was reading through these thread from start to finish again and it just occured to me that my postings are basically either "I´m doing good and I´ll tackle my problems" or "This is the end of the world, none of this crap works and I´m miserabe" :lol: It´s like having a split personality. It´s so easy for me to fall back into catastrophe-mode, only seeing things in black and white-terms and getting lost in my mind that is dramatising all the events. Because what basically happened was: I fell in love with a girl I was friends with before and she sees me as nothing more than that. That´s it, that is all that happened. The rest is just mind-created bs. :) But then I´m having a bad day and suddenly I spend the whole evening listening to sad love songs about yearning and fulfillment while replaying images and memories of her in my head. This only reinforces my suffering though and doesn´t amount to anything.
Yesterday I was turning that arround. I felt an evening of pointlessly lying arround and feeling miserable coming on and I grabbed my phone, called a friend of mine, we met and had a lot of fun. And that´s when I realized that you always have a choice. Your body or your mind will tell you: "You should suffer now" but you don´t actually have to do it. Really, nothing happens if you don´t do what your mind or your body is telling you. I think the biggest revelation for me was that I always understood that thoughts are just thoughts and they don´t have to be true but I always gave my feelings more weight. I thought that surely if I feel this way then it must be true. But your thoughts are influencing your feelings and vice versa, and since these forms change all the time why give them so much power over your life?
I realized that what´s really helping me is connecting with people and telling them what´s going on inside me. I have to learn this because in childhood I was taught that I shouldn´t be a burden on others and expressing feelings will lead to punishment. I think that´s also a reason why I´m so hung up on this girl. With her I can share a lot of personal things without judgment or rejection from her side. I´m doing this more and more with my other friends now and it´s great but I´m still very reluctant about doing it. Primarily because on rare occasions where I woud share something intimate with a family member it sooner or later was brought up against me in a hurtful way which made me shut down even more. It probably wouldn´t bother me so much anymore now but I definitely have to remind myself to keep an open mind when getting more personal with people.


Wow, I can´t stop talking, can I? :)
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)

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smiileyjen101
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by smiileyjen101 » Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:19 am

What I need on a day to day-basis though is a powerful reminder of knowing that I´m on the right path.
If you're on a path then in this moment, it is the right path.
When it no longer is the right path, you'll move.

I think ET answered something about - 'how do I know that this experience is right for me' with the answer that 'because this is the experience you are having.'

It is what it is, and there is much peace to be had in accepting that.

I find 'It is what it is' a helpful reminder.

So GE - you can rename this topic you know.... Is what is there ^^^ reeaaallllllyyyyy what's been going on? Even if you've just changed your mind to I thought I couldn't get over her... or be creative.... I beat myself up in interesting ways
:wink:

Now that you've reviewed this topic as its unfolded, what would be a suitable 'headline' for it?
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen

GermanEnlightenment
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Re: I can´t get over her

Post by GermanEnlightenment » Wed Jun 11, 2014 12:46 pm

Oh yes, the headline, sorry I forgot about that. :) Hem, maybe a quote would be more suitable: “We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.” I don´t know why that clicked with me but it did.
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)

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smiileyjen101
Posts: 3800
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:44 am

Re: I can´t get over her

Post by smiileyjen101 » Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:57 pm

“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Ah yes, Anais Nin - Perception.
Powerful isn't it?

I did a series of three little artwork board thingys not long ago, one of them with that quote, another with
Peace
When the power of love overcomes the love of power,
the world will know Peace.
Jimi Hendrix
^ Applies to each of us as well.

and here's one that kind of speaks to the way you are in joy - in those respect the whole being / moment times when you let go of the fears and the roles ...
Authenticity
The privilege of a lifetime
is to become
who you truly are.
Carl Jung
Nice :D
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen

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