So lost...

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
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Kal-El
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So lost...

Post by Kal-El » Wed May 28, 2014 1:43 pm

Hi there, I'm new here.

Two years ago I bought "Power of Now". It was an amazing book and after reading it I thought: 'Wow, this is what I need to change and understand my life'. But here I am. Still lost, confused and I don't know what to do with myself. I am 23 old. For many years I have been confused with my identity. Something like teen's crysis. I thought by now I will get my mind around. I don't want to tell you my whole story and past, it would be long and I don't want to bore you, guys. I just hope you will read this. The thing is I don't know how to live my life. I don't know what to do with myself. I still try to find peace and joy in everyday activities by focusing on them but that doesn't always help. I forget to be in present, often I feel uncomfortable when I am doing what I love. For example recently I started new hobby. At first it was fun but few days later it became not joyful, not satisfying. I thought it would be amazing to do. It seems I have been lost in time and I can't enjoy present moment. And that's not the only problem. I feel so incomplete, so unfullfilled. I don't know what to do, what is best for me, what actions should I take. I try to be honest with myself and I think I am constantly looking for plesaure and avoiding any suffering.

I meditate from time to time. I am trying to keep attention to my breathing, keep attention on everything coming to my mind. But...does it help? When bigger problems appear in my life, I lose control, I lose power. Everything I have achieved before, is collapsing at once. I ask myself what I am looking for in Eckhart Tolle's teachings and the answer is: happiness. Yes, that is all matters to me. I want to have a happy life, great friends, satisfying job and hobbies. Sometimes I disagree with Eckhart. He offers me the Peace, and I want the Happiness. I don't want to be impassive with my life. If we have only one life on this planet, I want to live it greatly. Would the power of now grant me what I want?

I am sorry if what I'm writing here is very chaotic. It's hard to organize my thoughts. Maybe you guys would help me. How can I find myself in this mess?

Phil2
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Re: So lost...

Post by Phil2 » Wed May 28, 2014 3:01 pm

Kal-El wrote: Hi there, I'm new here.
Welcome in this forum Kal.

:)
I don't know what to do with myself.
Who is the "I" that does not know what to do with "myself" ? Are there two 'you's ?

??

The fact is that you are NOT what you think you are ...
Would the power of now grant me what I want?
No, but it will give you what you 'need' ...
It's hard to organize my thoughts.
Do not try to 'organize' your thoughts ... just watch your thoughts and do not identify with those 'voices' ... thoughts are NOT you ... do not listen to this voice that tells you "How unhappy I am, I am a failure, I am worthless etc" ... because 'unhappiness' is just a thought ...

Watch this video from Mooji and understand this ...

"Unhappy" is Just a Thought
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04XAG_KsHvg

Some quotes from this talk:

"You need nothing to be happy, you need something to be sad"

"I am so worthless, not even the devil wants me"

"99 % of what you think is rubbish ... 1% is ... also rubbish"

"A thought without belief is nothing at all ... a thought with belief can start a war"
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

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Sighclone
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Re: So lost...

Post by Sighclone » Wed May 28, 2014 7:38 pm

Kal-el (hmmm...Superman's given name???)

Your comments mainly concern happiness, and its elusiveness for you. In his 2009 Oprah webinar, ET said that it was not until he was about 30 that he could have awakened. The ego is simply to strong and natural until then. So you might work simply on the happiness issue. A good place to start might be Shawn Achor's "Before Happiness" (here is the Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BVJG2P6/ref ... le_ext_tmb ). He recently spoke on Oprah - impressive.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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KathleenBrugger
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Re: So lost...

Post by KathleenBrugger » Wed May 28, 2014 10:07 pm

Hi Kal-el, welcome to the forum. Thanks for sharing your confusion, I'm sure most of us can relate to at least some of it. In particular, the question of reconciling being in the Now and still acting in the world. I've seen this discussed in many threads on this board.

Maybe you could tell us what you mean by happiness? You say you want a happy life. What would that look like?

I used to think happiness was the result of things going my way. Now I think happiness is a function of acceptance. The more I accept the way it is (no matter what that looks like) the happier I am.
We are ALL Innocent by Reason of Insanity
http://kathleenbrugger.blogspot.com/

LoveBeing
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Re: So lost...

Post by LoveBeing » Thu May 29, 2014 4:11 am

Hi Kal - Your memories (including your stories or your past), your thoughts, your actions, your feelings, your desires...you are not any of that. You are the one who is aware of all of them. What is that which is aware of them?

Can you sense that you are life itself (the Pure Awareness)? The conditioned mind cannot understand life. Don't let your mind limit your being. When you know that you are life itself, you won't worry about how to live your life. Life just unfolds itself...in harmony with the cosmic flow...effortlessly...

Activities come and go. Feelings change. All forms are limited and they change, including thought forms. No forms can truly satisfy you, which is why you feel "not joyful, not satisfying" about your new hobby...

The good news is: the Real You is formless, limitless, already free and complete...

Then again, whatever you choose to do or whatever happens at each given moment, know that it is just the right thing for that moment. Otherwise, it cannot be, even if it may seem a mistake to the mind (afterwards) sometimes...

Also, I'm not sure if there's a typo, but " keep attention on everything coming to my mind" is the opposite of "being present" ;) Here is a video clip "Natural Noticing - Guided Meditation ~ Mooji" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4zArI0uqWY

Enjoy yourSelf! :)

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matt74ike
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Re: So lost...

Post by matt74ike » Fri May 30, 2014 12:03 am

Hi Kal-el
Maybe you're on the same spiritual dead end I was a couple of years ago. I thought ET teachings and being in the NOW will solve my problems. It won't - I had to face them, I had to face my fears and life challenges. Being in the now can help dealing with life, but you have to be proactive and do it yourself.

Don't beat yourself that you lose control when bigger problems appear. ET says that you should try to be present gradually. First try to be fully present in a park when you alone, then when you meet someone nice and step by step be present in more challenging situations. Don't expect that you will be able to stay present always in every life challenges. Maybe someday, but don't expect it, just accept what is. Observe.
Maciej
We know about ourselves
only what we've been tested
[Wislawa Szymborska, poet]

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dijmart
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Re: So lost...

Post by dijmart » Fri May 30, 2014 1:51 am

Kal-El wrote: I ask myself what I am looking for in Eckhart Tolle's teachings and the answer is: happiness. Yes, that is all matters to me. I want to have a happy life, great friends, satisfying job and hobbies. Sometimes I disagree with Eckhart. He offers me the Peace, and I want the Happiness. I don't want to be impassive with my life. If we have only one life on this planet, I want to live it greatly. Would the power of now grant me what I want?
You have had a lot of great advice and comments thus far, I'll had my 2 cents. Eckhart isn't trying to make happy ego's. He is offering a way to see your true self, your true nature and to end suffering. Why do you not see peace as something valuable? If you want pleasure, that's fine, the opposite of pleasure is pain, they go hand in hand. If you're like most people, when the pain comes, suffering is right behind do to identification with the thoughts about the pain. You are having thoughts about not having happiness, is this causing suffering? If so, peace could help. It's not about not experiencing pleasure/pain in life, but excepting "what is" for while it lasts and knowing everything always changes and how to have peace regardless of what happens. Seeing through the veil of the ego (identification with form, including thought forms) is challenging and can take no time or a life time. We're all just doing are best, one moment at a time.
Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Onceler
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Re: So lost...

Post by Onceler » Fri May 30, 2014 3:02 am

matt74ike wrote:Hi Kal-el
Maybe you're on the same spiritual dead end I was a couple of years ago. I thought ET teachings and being in the NOW will solve my problems. It won't - I had to face them, I had to face my fears and life challenges. Being in the now can help dealing with life, but you have to be proactive and do it yourself.

Don't beat yourself that you lose control when bigger problems appear. ET says that you should try to be present gradually. First try to be fully present in a park when you alone, then when you meet someone nice and step by step be present in more challenging situations. Don't expect that you will be able to stay present always in every life challenges. Maybe someday, but don't expect it, just accept what is. Observe.
Nice post, Matt. I'm a fan of 'radical self reliance' myself. I have found that this comes as a result of seeing and feeling who you are. The now becomes clear as the fear and distortion fade.

You might want to check into John Sherman's looking technique, Kal-El. It's simple and requires nor effort or beliefs, just let things unfold over time. (Can't hurt..... :wink: )
Be present, be pleasant.

Phil2
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Re: So lost...

Post by Phil2 » Fri May 30, 2014 6:47 am

dijmart wrote: Eckhart isn't trying to make happy ego's. He is offering a way to see your true self, your true nature and to end suffering. Why do you not see peace as something valuable?
Excellent.

Indeed, ego is not looking for peace or stillness, ego looks for pleasure, excitement, entertainment, social recognition and status, projects, agitation etc. and does not value peace and silence ...

One of my preferred quotes from Mooji is:

"Learn to be quiet, I cannot say it enough" ...

:-)
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

Kal-El
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Re: So lost...

Post by Kal-El » Fri May 30, 2014 7:29 pm

Thanks for the responses, guys.

Recently I started wondering what I want more: peace or happiness? When I read Tolle's book, a thought crosses my mind: 'is this an escape from life, or actually a proper way to live?'. You say: 'ego looks for pleasure, excitement, entertainment, social recognition and status, projects, agitation' And what's wrong about it? When you ask me what gets out me from bed in the morning - the feeling of peace and stillness or exciting things i will be during the day, i'll choose the second one. Maybe I have misunderstood Tolle's teachings. It is like I said I'm kind of lost in all this. I get it that we live in a world of forms, and the forms sooner or later will bring suffering. But isn't pain a price for pleasure, entertainment, happiness etc? What is life without all these? Isn't peace boring? Probably the ego is now talking through me, but that's what I think.

Anyway, still it's all in theory what we talking here but how about putting this in practice life? Should I avoid striving for my goals, desires, dreams? I know I should be in present moment as long as I can. I'm trying. But I think I miss something. So how would you practice all these Tolle's teachings? Often I think I'm about big change in my life. A spiritual change. But in the end I come back to my old life, feeding ego all the time. Any advice? I'm sorry if I seem ignoramus to you, my ego is so big, it's hard to destroy that demon for good.

Have a great day

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Sighclone
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Re: So lost...

Post by Sighclone » Fri May 30, 2014 8:19 pm

Superman -

I feel quite certain that ET would agree with this: Your ego is the natural boss until about age 30. If you want to go do something "fun" just do it and enjoy it. Spiritual evolution past the ego-is-boss state can occur at any age past about 16 or so, but it will not if it is not natural, and aided by the presence of Grace. Do not think twice about learning and growing "as a person" at your age. Just do it and love it. As deeper spiritual inquiries arise for you, then turn to the ancient and modern teachers of whatever faith or practice resonates with you. Of course, we, here, on this forum lean towards nonduality. But you must follow your intuition. Which might include dropping all spiritual searches for five years!! Do not beat yourself up because you have an ego. At age 23, it is a very natural and important stage, and I'm pretty sure all those reading this thread who are over 30 could make similar comments about their years being driven by the ego.

Moreover, the attachments that ego requires will likely refine themselves. Ice cream will become less interesting than sex, for example. What you enjoy reading and thinking about will evolve. But trying unnaturally to jam yourself into some imagined nonegoic identity is completely unnecessary, and will fail. Enjoy your life Now. Eckhart Tolle's life was a disaster before his shift, full of foreboding and depression. The search for spiritual truth may well be present, but in the background relative to the everyday pleasures available, and career pursuits also. ET tried to fit back into the academic community for two years after his shift, finally shrugged his shoulders and did his spiritual teaching full time.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

Phil2
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Re: So lost...

Post by Phil2 » Fri May 30, 2014 10:16 pm

Kal-El wrote:So how would you practice all these Tolle's teachings? Often I think I'm about big change in my life. A spiritual change. But in the end I come back to my old life, feeding ego all the time. Any advice? I'm sorry if I seem ignoramus to you, my ego is so big, it's hard to destroy that demon for good.
When you will be tired of suffering, change will happen ... until then the mirages of the world will continue to delude you ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

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Yidaki
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Re: So lost...

Post by Yidaki » Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:34 am

You know, the beauty of being in this moment is that life unfolds beautifully without any strain or effort. Your presence is the foundation that holds onto all forms loosely. It's this lose grip that makes you excited about life and you begin to dance with the many forms life takes. Your true creative essence begins to flow out and what your life's path or journey is, begins to takes shape.

Letting go and not expecting anything is the key to happiness.
"Wisdom comes with the ability to be still. Just look and just listen. No more is needed." ~ Eckhart Tolle

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viking55803
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Re: So lost...

Post by viking55803 » Tue Jun 10, 2014 3:04 pm

I'm an old man. Perhaps I could say an old, successful man if you define success in the conventional way. I've achieved virtually every major goal I've set for myself and had an interesting, fulfilling life. It is also true that I've been publicly recognized for my achievements and identified as a "leader" and a "visionary." God, it is embarrassing to even write that!

Here's the thing: none of those achievements led to more than a few moments of happiness. But, that was never my goal! As Joseph Campbell has said, "Follow your bliss." Everything I've accomplished has been in service to something "greater than myself," and given me a sense of meaning a purpose to life.

I think the important thing is to realize that all "goals" are mental constructs. The ego loves goals, because it always believes this goal or that goal will make you a better or happier person. I can honestly say that if you believe achieving some goal will bring lasting happiness or satisfaction, you will arrive to find yourself with all the same problems you have now and any satisfaction or happiness very temporary.

There is nothing wrong with goals and plans - but the alternative, sitting and waiting for someone to put food in our mouths is also okay. The ego is a great help in overcoming obstacles and mobilizing your inner strength to some end, but you have to constantly be wary of the ego's self-talk and chest-pounding self-congratulation. This is not where peace comes from.

The best goals are those that arise from stillness or presence in the form of "visions." In my experience, these always have a powerful moral dimension - seeing some suffering in the world and having a vision of how you might make a positive difference - not in YOUR life, but in the life of your brothers and sisters on the planet, or the other living beings that share it with us. Take on the challenge of reducing suffering in the world and you will have plenty of opportunity to "find yourself" in that process.

Peace,
Gary

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