When you are Horny and Alone

[EverLivelyUniverse]

Through repression there is no spiritual growth, and one can practice sex meditatively. But nothing is ever written on what is the best option from a spiritual perspective if one does not have a partner.

From my experience, horniness can have its origin in excitement for life in general not related to sex, or it can have its origin in thoughts. So should one watch thoughts and feelings until they fade? But then, is watching porn a beneficial activity to grow spiritually if one doesn't have a partner?

I think Eckhart Tolle was too much of a sissy to get into sexuality, it's obviously damn important.

[karmarider]

Through repression there is no spiritual growth, and one can practice sex meditatively. But nothing is ever written on what is the best option from a spiritual perspective if one does not have a partner.

Masturbation.

From my experience, horniness can have its origin in excitement for life in general not related to sex, or it can have its origin in thoughts. So should one watch thoughts and feelings until they fade? But then, is watching porn a beneficial activity to grow spiritually if one doesn't have a partner?

I think Eckhart Tolle was too much of a sissy to get into sexuality, it's obviously damn important.

There are spiritual works which do cover sex. Conversations with God comes to mind.

[epiphany55]

I think Eckhart Tolle was too much of a sissy to get into sexuality, it's obviously damn important.

This made me laugh.

I think he didn't mention it in the same way he didn't mention what to do about hunger or going to the toilet. It's just another animal drive. Some might say sexual satisfaction is not a "need" but it does come from a very powerful drive to procreate.

I agree with Karmarider - just have a wank and be done with it. If you can find a partner, great, but strangely I find withholding sexual release and the build up of energy from this can be far more exciting.

[Long Time Seeker]

I think its a fair question. My partner is away quite a lot looking after her mother and is not that interested in sex anyway, so what does one do? Don't panic, imo. There is of course an urge to want to have sex, or at least have the release of the tension that can build up, but if you look at Buddhism, for instance, sex on your own is not seen as good as it is too self indulgent. So spiritually what is the answer?

To be honest, I don't really know for sure, but I think there is a danger that we in the West overate the importance of sex and feel that if we are not getting it, are missing out, or there is something wrong with us, or we are just going to get frustrated. I have come to the conclusion that masturbation is perfectly fine - as long as you are relaxed about it. Porn doesn't do it for me, I simply masturbate when I feel like it, which sometimes can be daily, or sometimes once a week, or sometimes not for weeks. Don't get hung up about it and it isn't a problem. As with a lot of things, sex is one of those areas imo that is hyped up by society to give us hang ups - ie media/social issues tell us that we are not normal if we are not getting it regularly.

Just relax, if you feel like doing it do it, if you don't feel like doing it, don't do it. As long as you are relaxed about it, it isn't a problem and doesn't get to be an issue. Guilt or frustration - or any other feeling about it - is unecessary. Be mentally relaxed about it and it won't become an a problem, an obsession or a cause of frustration. Enjoy - it is part of life's rich pattern.

[EnterZenFromThere]

just have a wank and be done with it.

HAha! I love the bluntness of this

I feel like sexual energy can be a wonderful tool for our growth (though I must admit I'm not exactly sure how yet - something fun to explore and find out!)

Sexly acts certainly shouldn't be considered as something to be suppressed (from my point of view). Not matter what your sexual preferences are, no matter how seemingly strange or unique they may be. They offer a fascinating avenue for personal exploration. I'd say just run with them and be Present during any sexual feeling or activities you do so that you can explore what makes you, you.

I think a problem with sex comes in when it is used to control other people e.g. an attractive person who has realised that they can use their attractiveness and sex as a way of getting others to do what they want. But an open, loving, caring exploration of sexual energies between people is a beautiful, wonderful, delightful thing.

Love,

Jack

[Webwanderer]

Some pretty good posts here. My take is that sex, whether with another or alone is a legitimate area of life exploration. But like all areas of exploration there are risks and there are rewards. (of course in the greater perspective there is only rewards) It is the meaning applied and the perspective taken that makes for the quality of experience. The emotional feel about it will guide you. That said, feelings of guilt may be more reflective of our one's early conditioning towards sex than the sense and feel one gets through alignment.

Growth in consciousness of life is a process of inclusion, not exclusion. So how does one perceive any and all sexuality in a way that brings peace of mind and emotion rather than some resistant form of consternation? There in lies the path to clarity.

WW

[Enlightened2B]

I'm gonna go ahead and agree with Jack here and the other posters as well.

If you have a partner....great. If you don't have a partner, there are other methods as described above....ahem.

Just be present during the sexual urges and understand most of all, that while they are animal instincts and not necessarily instincts of our nature....(meaning they are instincts of the human body and not you....as Awareness/Source), they are here for a purpose for us to explore. That's why we partake in the human experience. We can't get these sexual urges anywhere else! Therefore....enjoy it because it's a temporary level of play!

No reason to suppress them and no reason to stress about not having a partner either. I'm single for now and love my life. Just be there as the Awareness for the horniness as it arises. Release is very important in my opinion though whether it's alone or via a partner.

[EverLivelyUniverse]

So guys. There is the emotions, and the ego. The ego causes role-play and separation, not good. But even without it, there is separation, and spontaneous role-play. Some people like masculine traits in their preferred sex, others feminine.

I like women who don't care about fashion and don't care to please anyone, and are on a superficial level less feminine. And I like to please them very much, I don't like them to try to please me at all or even thank me. It's instinctual, not ego-related. But there is separation anyway, if one person tries and the other doesn't, no? Or maybe sexuality is through being oneself, whether one is active in it, or passive, and some peoples' sexuality are compatible for each other. I don't know. Either way, this is what turns me on, and nothing else does.

[EnterZenFromThere]

Either way, this is what turns me on, and nothing else does.

We're all unique in this respect. All unique characteristics, separate and amazing.

If I could offer any advice it would be not to try and over think the hows and whys. It's nice to ponder this at times, but it can become a mental trap. Instead you can just embrace your characteristics that make you, you and explore them in Presence and feeling - which is a more direct road to yourself than thoughts and belief structures.

Namaste, with love,

Jack

[EverLivelyUniverse]

Either way, this is what turns me on, and nothing else does.

We're all unique in this respect. All unique characteristics, separate and amazing.

If I could offer any advice it would be not to try and over think the hows and whys. It's nice to ponder this at times, but it can become a mental trap. Instead you can just embrace your characteristics that make you, you and explore them in Presence and feeling - which is a more direct road to yourself than thoughts and belief structures.

Namaste, with love,

Jack

That absolutely makes sense, thanks. I was just getting worried that this was a remnant of my egoic sexuality. It's important to DESCRIBE your sexuality to people of the opposite sex though, you're forgetting that. I may not feel comfortable describing this to people, but if it finds someone compatible, who cares? I guess it's best to find someone who I'm compatible with, because someone who I'm not compatible with would not budge my sexuality.

[EnterZenFromThere]

The part of you that is 'getting worried' and labelling another part of you as 'a remnant of egoic sexuality' is of greater concern to me than whatever 'a remnant of egoic sexuality' points to. Worry is constrictive fear energy. It hides you from yourself. Expose your worry to your Presence and it will be resolved - seen through as an egoic defence mechanism. You don't need to do this by facing whatever you worry about physically. You can do it by being Present when the feelings and thoughts associated with this worry arise in you. By 'being Present' I mean thoughtless abiding in/as the Present moment, which is a greater aspect of who you are. Just be still and allow the feelings and thoughts to be and they will run out of steam. Like a child that calms itself after a temper tantrum - while the loving parent patiently watches on.

Namaste, with love,

Jack

[Psychoslice]

We are sexual beings, just as we like the taste of foods and listening to good music, our sexual taste is also there, after all we are also the mind body organism, it would be silly to pretend its not part of us, do whatever you want, just like eating something that makes you feel good, you can enjoy it with another, or you can enjoy it on your own.

[Lauris]

I kind of also wonder why Eckhart so rarely talks about sexuality. And he himself seems so asexual. Like a little dwarf. Though I respect his understanding of so many things, he doesn't seem to be the one from whom to learn about sexuality.

Now, when it comes to dealing with sexual urges when you're single, and someone mentioned masturbation... I have been observing my feelings towards masturbation and porn and have come to two conclusions: ejaculation makes me weak physically and mentally, watching porn desensitizes me and creates erectile dysfunction.

The guys who really take on this topic seriously are here: http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/ The greatest anecdotical knowledge base on abstaining there is, I believe .