What triggers the experience of a sudden/random awakening?

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Re: What triggers the experience of a sudden/random awakenin

Postby lmp » Thu Dec 04, 2014 9:43 pm

Clouded, 'the future' is one of the components of fear, consider slowly what is the correct use of this tool we have, the ability to think about the future. What is it for, that we can do this? You know the damage it can do, but what is it for, actually. Think not just for a minute, but actually think it through, use it, test it, learn about it, what is the use of this tool, thinking about the future. If you can get the feel for what it is truly for it will begin to feel odd to use it in a wrong way.

I think that as children we use imagination/fantasy a lot in order to just play, but as we grow up a bit, the same ability is used similarly but it turns against us and we frighten ourselves by fantasies and we can't stop. But we can investigate what it is really for. I don't know if that interests you at all or if it's wrong for you.
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Re: What triggers the experience of a sudden/random awakenin

Postby Clouded » Sat Dec 13, 2014 11:19 pm

Just a heads up on how I'm doing; I have been feeling much more confident and hopeful since I have been swallowing a pill on a daily basis (it's been almost a month since I started a low dose of anxiety-reducing medication and I am experiencing the changes in my internal world). I completely agree with Ashley that my main problem is a chronic anxiety issue fuelled by believing/doubting thoughts that are judged as being negative and maintained by positive feedback loops. Nowadays, if I have a thought that challenges my self-worth or that predicts a disaster in the future, my body doesn't react to those thoughts and I don't experience the strong unpleasant sensations that usually accompany them and I can drop those thoughts and continue living outside of my hellish, hopeless, imagination. I tried to let go of thoughts without any "chemical" assistance that forcefully alters my brain's functions but I couldn't do it, it was just too much work for me, it felt like I had to climb Mount Everest to get there and it was exhausting to always discipline my mind to stay in the present when I felt like utter shit. Now I don't feel much and I like better like that and I am starting to believe that I can succeed at things and live a life the way I desire to.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: What triggers the experience of a sudden/random awakenin

Postby ashley72 » Sun Dec 14, 2014 10:10 am

Hi Clouded,

That's good news, I'm so happy to hear that your coping better.

I also went on anxiety meds for 6 months when I was very ill with anxiety 8 years ago. The meds definitely help you to stabilise and cope better.

However, the long-term recovery is gradual exposure to the anxious thoughts, feelings and sensations of fear. You then have to try and stay with those fear symptoms until they subside in different exposure scenarios.

You should also check out this website to better understand the different types of anxiety disorders. http://www.anxietycoach.com
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Re: What triggers the experience of a sudden/random awakenin

Postby Clouded » Mon Dec 15, 2014 1:43 am

ashley72 wrote:Hi Clouded,

That's good news, I'm so happy to hear that your coping better.

I also went on anxiety meds for 6 months when I was very ill with anxiety 8 years ago. The meds definitely help you to stabilise and cope better.

However, the long-term recovery is gradual exposure to the anxious thoughts, feelings and sensations of fear. You then have to try and stay with those fear symptoms until they subside in different exposure scenarios.

You should also check out this website to better understand the different types of anxiety disorders. http://www.anxietycoach.com


It's easy to expose yourself to fearful situations when you are sedated, you don't feel the urge to flee, you might just experience temporary mild discomfort at most, and I'm ok with that. I don't know, I'm just pleasantly surprised that I am able to function for the first time in years. I perceive reality more clearly (which is full of possibilities, not just dreadful possibilities) and I don't have battles that I can't win in my head anymore; I don't feel like I'm a failure, inferior, crazy, retarded, useless or worthless anymore. I feel the way I feel first thing when I wake up in the morning, when my mind is clear from thinking and that nothing is troubling me and it's splendid because I am starting to believe in myself and I am becoming more optimistic.

I read about how gurus can regulate their body temperature while meditating to survive cold harsh conditions...I can't develop that ability to control my well-being. The more I tried to feel peaceful, the more frustrated I was with myself, the more hopeless I felt because I thought that I have tried everything and wasn't getting the results I have hoped for. I just took the easy way out, now I have no problem accepting thoughts and feelings (mainly because my sensations are substantially less intense), they are just no big deal to me anymore. I'm even experiencing positive thoughts more often! I feel emotionally more stable and in control, rather than letting symptoms of fear control me.

My poor brain needed some healing and I wasn't strong enough to heal it all by myself.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: What triggers the experience of a sudden/random awakenin

Postby Clouded » Thu Dec 18, 2014 4:15 am

I kept this secret from most of you, but I have started some classes a while ago (while i'm on medication) and it has been going better than expected. Hopefully everything turns out the way I wish it to be; I realized that I have been playing the attention-seeking victim for far too long and I figured it was time for me to actually do something to get out of my situation because whining about how unfair my life is truly won't get me anywhere. My goal is to have a part time job that allows me to become financially independent so I can move out from my toxic parent's home, and I want to resume my university studies or go back to college. I'm still confused of what I want to do in life, I just don't want to allow anxiety to dictate my life anymore.

My mom is also trying to manipulate me into believing that I am better off staying at home than moving out and it pisses me off... :? She tells me that I would be back in no time after seeing how hard it is to live on my own. I'm sorry but I am tired of being mistreated by my parents, they say the meanest things to me, and when I tell them that no one else except for them has ever said/thought such awful things about me, they tell me it's because those people don't know how i'm really like. I've had it with them. They won't allow pets in the house, but verbal and physical abuse is accepted in this family.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: What triggers the experience of a sudden/random awakenin

Postby Phil2 » Thu Dec 18, 2014 9:47 am

Clouded wrote: My goal is to have a part time job that allows me to become financially independent so I can move out from my toxic parent's home, and I want to resume my university studies or go back to college. I'm still confused of what I want to do in life, I just don't want to allow anxiety to dictate my life anymore.

My mom is also trying to manipulate me into believing that I am better off staying at home than moving out and it pisses me off... :?


Good news ... I think that if you resume your studies seriously, probably your parents will treat you differently with more respect ... and you won't need to leave your home ...

I don't think it would be very easy for you to study and at the same time have a job that allows you to be financially independant ... didn't you say you were "lazy as heck" (your words) ?

??
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
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Re: What triggers the experience of a sudden/random awakenin

Postby Clouded » Fri Dec 19, 2014 5:14 am

Phil, my parents aren't the most nurturing and supportive people in my life; day by day, they dim whatever light I have inside and I decided that it is best for me to keep a distance away from them for my own personal growth/mental health, they ARE toxic parents.

My dad is unpredictably violent (he tried to strangle me with his bare hands while I was on the floor trying to crawl away from him, he kicks me in my stomach, he scares the shit out of me and I have to run and lock myself in the bathroom for my own protection, begging him to stop because I am experiencing a panic attack and think that I am going to collapse), he tries to emotionally manipulate me (if I don't do x, y, z, he's going to instantly kick me and my mom out of the house, throw my clothes out of the window, break my DVDs/games with a hammer, he even threatens to kill me.) I am tired of his circus act, I am tired of not feeling safe at home. He calls me handicapped on a daily basis because I don't contribute to society with a job. I'm tired of being degraded at home, this is not a positive environment.

My mom is over-controlling (it's like she expects me to be her puppet or something, I have my way of doing things and she criticizes me whenever I do something differently from what she would do, even the simplest things like the way I tie my shoes or the way I eat and it is so annoying to me, I feel like she is suffocating me with her constant monitoring and I NEED my space), she is extremely over-protective of me (last year, she refused to let me take the subway on my own because she was afraid that I would get lost in a place that I've never been to, we had a huge argument over that and she finally got what she wanted, she joined me on the subway trip and came to my appointment with me, I wanted to do this alone like an adult but she wouldn't let me.) She watches the news ALL of the time and is paranoid that dangerous things might happen to me. I want her to cut the umbilical cord so bad, let me live my life, let me make mistakes and learn from them.

I know I said that I am lazy as heck, but that can change if I want it to. Since I've been taking my medication, I feel like I could do more. I just really want to become independent and be able to afford nice things with my own money. I don't want to live with my parents anymore, I want a different life, a better life, where I AM in total control, no more mommy and daddy telling me what or what not to do and use their manipulative tactics to get me to surrender to them, I don't want to deal with my parent's egos anymore. Please Universe give me the strength to get away from these people.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: What triggers the experience of a sudden/random awakenin

Postby Phil2 » Fri Dec 19, 2014 9:08 am

Clouded,

What I mean is that your parents attitude might change if they see that you are behaving more maturely and take responsibility for your life ... your father would see that you 'contribute' and your mother will see that you can be 'trusted' ... but of course it is up to you to take your own decisions ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: What triggers the experience of a sudden/random awakenin

Postby Clouded » Fri Dec 19, 2014 10:30 am

Phil2 wrote:Clouded,

What I mean is that your parents attitude might change if they see that you are behaving more maturely and take responsibility for your life ... your father would see that you 'contribute' and your mother will see that you can be 'trusted' ... but of course it is up to you to take your own decisions ...
Some people never change and my parents have always been like that even when I was non-rebellious and got good grades, they always found some "fault" in me that had to be pointed out and corrected. I don't see why I have to change my behaviour for them to change theirs', they have total control over their reactions, they can't blame me for the way they're treating me. I am doing the best I can for the moment and I think that the most mature thing I can ever do is to fully take care of myself, to no longer need my parent's assistance. I don't think its a good idea to live with them anymore, for them to love me unconditionally and thus live in harmony with them, I have to be, do and think like them. I don't know how your parents have raised you, maybe you have no idea what emotional trauma can do to you.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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