Trusting life

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Trusting life

Postby Melkmeisje » Mon Mar 16, 2015 6:44 am

Hi everybody,

A few months ago, I wrote a topic about my (long-distance) relationship. After 10 long months of not seeing each other at all, my boyfriend wanted to break up with me, but I felt scared about letting him go. I got some really great advice from you about letting go and accepting the situation. I actually did let go and I felt great peace for having let go of control, and without any effort, he came back to me. When he asked me to come to his country, I felt intuitively that I needed to go. That has been a year ago and since the moment I've arrived, I feel that I'm in the right place. Everything else has been 'flowing' as well, not only my relationship but also job-related. After years of studying about development cooperation and listening to the worries of my parents 'if I would ever get a job', I found a great job that represents my passion and interests and enables me to cover my expenses (something I knew intuitively would happen someday, although I did not have certainty). We live in a beautiful home and big garden together with his (very sweet) grand-parents and our 4 pets. We enjoy nature, the river, the beach and we don't have many responsabilities.

Nevertheless, I notice that I'm starting to worry about our future and that I'm trying to control the situation. I'm in my late twenties and we have the idea that in a year or so, we would like to start trying having children. Then my mind comes in, because having children means that we need stable income and a financial buffer in case of emergencies. Especially since we live in a country where good-quality education and health-care is expensive and the government does not support you in any way. My boyfriend stopped working in order to start his own business, but almost 2 years later, not much has happened. He had some bad luck and some business-plans did not come through. He now has a new idea for a restaurant, which I think is a very good idea, but things don't really move forward and I'm worried that in a year we'll be in the same situation. I do have an income that can cover our costs and a little more, but in my (worring) mind, it is not enough for a secure financial situation in which I would like to raise our children. In addition to this, I notice that I'm also starting to think about saving money for creating our own bungalow in the garden, modernizing the house in the long-term in order to make it according to our wishes, since of course it is currently the house of his grand-parents and is according to their style.

In short, I notice that my mind feels that it is necessary to think and worry about these things, in order to get 'everything in order' (perfect house, garden, jobs, children and financial situation) in order to 'be happy and peaceful' in the long-term. And of course, I know this is ridiculous, because now I'm actually not feeling peaceful and happy because I'm worrying too much and I'm missing the present moment. Something inside me says that I just need to let go, be in the moment and trust life, and that worrying and controlling life will not bring me what I need (peace). And I know I need to do this. But on the other side, my mind is scared of letting go and trusting, because rationally I believe that I do need to worry and push my boyfriend in order for him to take action. I'm scared that, if I let go and stop worry, we will actually be in a bad financial situation next year, which means that we won't be ready to start trying to have children. And I feel that I cannot wait that long anymore (I'm 28), so there is a time-pressure.

I guess I already know what I need to do, but my mind is still resisting :-) I would really like to get your response about this situation, in order to confirm the feeling I have deep inside about letting go and trusting life.

Thank you so much in advance :-)
Melkmeisje
 
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Re: Trusting life

Postby Zizitop » Tue Mar 17, 2015 11:46 pm

Hallo Melkmeisje :) ,

In short, I cannot say which decisions you have to take, it's up to you.
What I can say is that 'being in the now' and 'accepting life as it is' does certainly not mean that you have to lie down and take no action.
There's also nothing wrong with rational thinking, it is even very good to plan your future and think well-advised about it, instead of just trusting life as you say.
Being in the now and being at peace then mean that you have peace with the decisions you make and the actions you take to do the best within your current situation, not letting fear or anger come into it, not letting some mental energy of being right or wrong take over yourself or the conversation with your partner.
Zizitop
 
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Re: Trusting life

Postby CaiHong » Thu Mar 19, 2015 3:02 am

I think you have answered you own questions. But it's not enough to know the truth that by living in the present the rest will take care of itself and actually knowing this and living this truth. The last posters advice on doing planning is a prudent idea but don't get caught up in thinking about.

All the best
CaiHong
CaiHong
 
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