So much guilt

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
lmp
Posts: 194
Joined: Tue May 29, 2012 7:23 pm

Re: So much guilt

Post by lmp » Fri Jul 03, 2015 8:36 pm

Based on what you have said so far, no need to turn yourself in. I cant truly compare legislation but in sweden where I live I doubt you would even get a fine. If a prosecutor here would read such a police report Im sure they would just close the case without further investigation. Thats my opinion. I've read a fair amount of police reports but am not in the law business. At an insurance company I settle claims for various things ppl have done to each other.

As for sharing this with ppl close to you, I would save it for the therapist, perhaps at a later point in life you wish to share it with your wife. Just my opinion. When you say 'keep it a secret for the rest of my life' thats where I think you are a bit over dramatizing it. Thinking can be so black and white, there are more options obviously.

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6790
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: So much guilt

Post by Webwanderer » Fri Jul 03, 2015 9:30 pm

onetwothreex wrote:Do you guys think i need to turn myself in?
Most important is to check your feelings on the matter. What choice makes you feel better? Feelings are your connection to your greater beingness and the best guide on life. Learn to use them well and your life will blossom.

I was in law enforcement for years. It's likely that the statutes of limitation have long since passed.

You might consider what a teacher like Jesus would have said. "Go forth and sin no more" comes to mind. Great beings don't judge you. Why should you? Are you wiser and clearer than they? Cut yourself a break and do something to make the world a better place - like live in love and appreciation. Think of the value of such energy on everyone around you. It's just a choice made over and over and over again and again.

WW

onetwothreex
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 9:17 pm

Re: So much guilt

Post by onetwothreex » Sat Jul 04, 2015 12:09 pm

This morning i felt bad again. woke up with awfull flashbacks of what i did etc.

I went to lay on bed for amoment because i did not wanted my wife to see my pain.

Suddenly she entered the room while i was crying my eyes out. she asked me what was wrong, and i just could not keep it from her anymore.

I told her i felt extremely guilty and regretfull for having bullied our dog into extreme's sometime. I did not go into more details, just that i bullied into extreme's sometimes.


She told me that she knew i am a changed person right now, and she knows i would never do such things again. she felt and could see my pain. I cried like a little kid. i litterly broke down.
i also told her i almost hung myself yesterday.


Right now i do have to say that i feel a bit relieved. my wife not leaving me, she did not even Judge me for this.


I am not feeling good yet, but i guess i made some steps here right?

lmp
Posts: 194
Joined: Tue May 29, 2012 7:23 pm

Re: So much guilt

Post by lmp » Sat Jul 04, 2015 12:41 pm

Good, yes you made some steps and your wife was nice about it. Nice, huh.

Can you see how 'keeping the secret for the rest of my life' was just a thought. In actuality you kept it only for one day, since you had this thought yesterday.

It can be a huge step to see 'that it is just a thought'. Because, you see, whether there is pain or not should not be based on the thoughts but on what actually happens, if you see what I mean.

It means we do not need to panic because a thought pops up, but we can wait and see what actually happens in life, how it plays itself out, then there might be cause for sadness or joy of course, based on what happens.

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6790
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: So much guilt

Post by Webwanderer » Sat Jul 04, 2015 5:40 pm

onetwothreex wrote: I am not feeling good yet, but i guess i made some steps here right?
That is the test for progress in life experience. Do you feel better for your thoughts? Does what you believe improve your life experience or make it worse? If it's worse, consider abandoning such thoughts in favor of a larger, more inclusive perspective. If you feel better for your thoughts, stay the course and build on them.

You create your reality, your life experience, in this way. It's a matter of choice. In the view from the greater reality there is no right or wrong, only the natural result of how we perceive things. Your feelings of guilt from self condemnation is only one possibility. There are others available awaiting your consideration. When you are tired of the pain, you can make a new choice and move beyond it.

This is the power of now. What you choose to do and think and be now, in this moment, in every now moment, influences the experience you have. You hold the power of focus. Life energy will flow into that focus and create experience.

WW

dijmart
Posts: 2116
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: So much guilt

Post by dijmart » Sat Jul 04, 2015 9:27 pm

I went through neglect and abuse for a few years as a small child. For a few years afterward, once out of the situation, I did some acting out towards other small children younger then I was. And for many years I picked at my skin and bit my nails. One day I just stopped it all. I do believe I only did it do to the abuse I had endured. You get over it by forgiving yourself...and maybe you should be honest with your therapist so they can help you towards that goal.
Take what you like and leave the rest.

Urch
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2020 11:43 am

Re: So much guilt

Post by Urch » Wed Jan 15, 2020 12:20 pm

I feel so good coming here today. I've been a follower of Eckhart for a year now(I'm sort of new to his teachings but they resonate with me).
I lied about something concerning my previous relationship to my fiance when asked about 5years ago, and I did so because for me it was the path of least resistance and wasnt important. I didn't feel any guilt during this time, hardly ever even thought of it. However, as we supported each other and were there for each other, as my happiness with him grew, I started having fearful thoughts about late last year about loosing him. And before I knew it, the mind started bringing this thing I did, and justifying why he will leave me. Sometimes I'm not afraid, other times I'm so fearful because of "what if" thoughts. I feel so ashamed and I condemn myself which makes it worse.
I'm in awe because, this thing I lied about wasn't a bad thing but I just didn't want him to know when we just started dating. I have never felt guilty about it nor thought of it for years. Now after 5years, here it is tormenting me.

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6790
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: So much guilt

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Jan 15, 2020 5:21 pm

Welcome to the forum Urch.

I would ask you this, (or maybe you might ask yourself) are you the same person now that you were then? We all grow and change as we learn from our mistakes - especially when we recognize and take on a new paradigm in life such as Tolle teaches. We all have things in our past that can haunt us if we still identify with them. So ask yourself, is this thing of the past the kind of thing you would do again?

Are you the same quality of person? Or have you changed and matured? I suggest you be the person you are now and not the one who knew so much less than the more experienced one you have become. I'm not suggesting that you forget what happened, only that you live more in the life lessons you've learned from it. Own your past but don't let the past own your present being. What you do with the information of the past, and it's best to be considered as information rather than identification, is a choice best determined on how it affects your present being.

Consider forgiveness. Who might you need forgiveness from? Your current partner, your past partner, or yourself? I would suggest that forgiveness is most valuable as it is applied to ourselves. Forgiveness is the path to freedom from our own self-judgment, and self-judgment is the most debilitating thing one can do to stymie the growth of our own consciousness and being. Genuine forgiveness however, matters most when it's accompanied by a change in behavior and perspective. If we haven't changed those key features in our psyche we'll likely just repeat the problem.

Anyway, may your time in this forum help bring some clarity to your concerns. Look around, there are lots of good threads and suggestions from many clear thinking contributors. Again, welcome to the forum.

WW

Urch
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2020 11:43 am

Re: So much guilt

Post by Urch » Sat Feb 29, 2020 11:35 am

I'm so grateful for your reply. I have heard all you have said and will put them into practice. I was a virgin when I met my first bf and still was when I met my fiancee. I was so naive about physical intimacy, and I had this naive belief that my first bf was going to be my last(I absolutely had no idea about love but thought I did aslt that time) so after much holding back, I gave in to foreplay which included sending private pics. When I started getting serious with my fiance, he asked for pics and asked if I did it with my previous bf and I said no(because here was me who was brought up in a way that anything intimate should be shared with only one person, and now I'm with a 2nd person. I felt ashamed. With my fiance who's the 2nd person, I gave my virginity and things I never knew about physical intimacy, he thought me). But when I remember the nudes with my 1st bf, I feel so ashamed, I know at that time I did nothing wrong because I was with someone whom I thought would be the only one I would go out with. I condemn my self for it still, telling myself I'm rotten, bad, not worth loving by my fiancee.

Post Reply