How to find my way back...

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How to find my way back...

Postby War_Destroyer » Sat Aug 15, 2015 12:24 pm

Hi there, I can't believe it's been many years now that I think of it, but there was a time where I felt that the only way out of suffering was through suicide, I was a fresh high school dropout. Fortunately for me, I discovered a man would talk about various things over the radio late at night, and I liked him because it seemed that he saw the world through a clear lense, everything in this world seemed so simple to navigate through with his seemingly untarnished perspective. One night I dared to call him, I felt like that I had reached my limit, I was engulfed in sorrow, the very first and last thought of the day was suicide. Anyway, I called him I cried and I let it all out, he was very kind but stern, I would tell him how difficult it all seemed, but he countered my doubts swiftly. His words were encouraging, I've heard many before, but his words reeled me in every time and anchored me in place. What finally cut through to me, to a depth that I was previously unaware of, and what pulled out of the whirlpool of despair and onto the calm surface, was when he told me that I was not my thoughts, he followed it with a short explanation I've since forgotten, but I felt like I was hit by a wave of light, ripping away all the baggage I've accumulated, I no longer casted a shadow of fear and helplessness. He recommended that I read the power of now, I had several more of these blissful overwhelming moments while reading his books, and with each experience I took long strides in bettering my life. One of the practices I did was to take it upon myself to do all the chores at home and I would try to be present while doing them. I experienced a few more blissful moments from that.

Eventually though, I found myself feeling strong and confident, I was starting my first year college, and I met a girl that for the first time ever I let myself love and I chased after her. I made real lasting friends as well. As the semesters and years came and went, I know find myself stuck and lost once again. I don't feel depressed, but I have this weird sense of helplessness. In my mind I know what I have to do, I have all this knowledge from reading the Eckhart's books and taking and in trying to major in psychology. I have a more mature and open minded view of life that I've cultivated, but I find it difficult to pick up the books again, they don't have the same impact. I compare it to antibiotics and super bugs, I feel like I've created a stronger smarter ego in me if that's what I should call it. As I sit here typing this at 3am I felt a little more aware, I noticed how my emotions changed, and just now I thought about the constant stream of thoughts I have, and I caught myself in silence away from it for a moment, but I don't know, what do you guys suggest I do. Maybe I'm over romanticizing it all and over thinking it, but the days of experiencing bliss by reading a few words or by brooming outside early in the morning in the present moment seem long gone. Is there a way to kickstart myself back into, or do I have to somehow fight my way through all of this new baggage. Is there any new material or author that I might find refreshing? What I liked about Tolle was the straight forward ideas that old easily be put into practice if motivated, like in my studies in psychology. I've read a bit from other authors, but some go deep into metaphysical stuff which turns me off being a psychology major and study a lot of science in my free times. Others appeared so full of themselves and clearly out of it like Chopra, that it also turned me off. What do you guys suggest I do?
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Re: How to find my way back...

Postby dijmart » Sun Aug 23, 2015 3:14 am

Have you ever read "I am that", by nisargadatta? I suggest you read it if you haven't.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
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Re: How to find my way back...

Postby DavidB » Mon Aug 24, 2015 1:37 pm

I posted this on another forum, I hope it can help here.

There is no such thing as enlightenment, there is only the realization that there is an invented sense of self with a life full of perceived problems.

Knowing that, we then have no need to ever believe anything about ourselves, never needing to create any sense of an identity, nothing to get offended, disappointed or upset, nothing to defend, never any fear. From belief to clarity.

I liken enlightenment to natural and effective anxiety and stress management, nothing more, nothing mysterious, simply a perfect and potentially permanent means to end suffering and misery. No self, no problem.

Without worry, anxiety and stress, there is only then the joy of living, our natural state of being.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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Re: How to find my way back...

Postby blondeeberry » Sun Sep 13, 2015 7:15 am

@DavidB - That was so well said and just what I needed to read. It feels so easy to get lost, to forget and lose the connection that seemed to be the answer to everything. Thank you for reminding me what it truly is, a way to cope with daily living, a way to remind ourselves of our true essence and that nothing in the world of forms really matters all that much at the end of the day anyways. Thank you <3
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Re: How to find my way back...

Postby DavidB » Tue Sep 15, 2015 1:29 am

blondeeberry, you're very welcome.

Life can become so consuming that we can easily lose sight of who we are, we all need a reminder from time to time. :)
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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