Relationship ended... How to stay present?

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Relationship ended... How to stay present?

Postby qtip » Tue Nov 03, 2015 1:13 pm

Two months ago my girlfriend ended our 5+ year relationship.
We lived together so I will be moving out... small house, new boring hometown. So on the material side this will be a huge downgrade as well, I can't help but feel this is important.

The first month I managed to stay present quite well. Now that I will be moving out soon, presence seems hard to achieve or maintain.
I'm behind on work because I can't focus on it, I'm restless most of the day, I'm watching Tolle's and other teachings, trying to be the observer. It feels like I'm locked, the first month I went for a jog daily now I can't get up from the couch... I break down a couple times a day and deeply cry.

I don't want to be alone and start all over at 45... is this just my ego / painbody taking over?
Some teachings seem so cold to me at the moment.

What to do?

Thank you.
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Re: Relationship ended... How to stay present?

Postby Webwanderer » Tue Nov 03, 2015 7:38 pm

qtip wrote:What to do?

Presence in these circumstances has to start with acceptance. If you are resistant to what is you will likely be spinning all manor of narratives in your mind. Accept what is and look for the value it holds. It's there. Most everything is a mixed bag and you can focus on what you choose. Trust that life is unfolding in your best interest and value in your circumstances will begin to reveal itself. Don't argue with yourself about it. That's the spin. Just know that life is looking out for you.

WW
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Re: Relationship ended... How to stay present?

Postby qtip » Wed Nov 04, 2015 10:00 am

Webwanderer wrote:
qtip wrote:What to do?

Presence in these circumstances has to start with acceptance. If you are resistant to what is you will likely be spinning all manor of narratives in your mind. Accept what is and look for the value it holds. It's there. Most everything is a mixed bag and you can focus on what you choose. Trust that life is unfolding in your best interest and value in your circumstances will begin to reveal itself. Don't argue with yourself about it. That's the spin. Just know that life is looking out for you.

WW


Thank you WW,

About crying...
Is crying giving in on the ego / the painbody?
Should I cry and observe the crier?
Should I try not to cry and observe the tension (building up) instead?
Both?
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Re: Relationship ended... How to stay present?

Postby Webwanderer » Wed Nov 04, 2015 3:28 pm

qtip wrote:About crying...
Is crying giving in on the ego / the painbody?
Should I cry and observe the crier?
Should I try not to cry and observe the tension (building up) instead?
Both?

Honor your emotions. They are a reflection of your beliefs about life. I suggest you don't get caught up in whether this or that is about ego. That just sets up an internal fight between recognized ego and unrecognized ego. The ego perspective is not the enemy unless we see it as such. And then seeing enemies, internal or external, is an ego perspective. Ego is a tool to create unique experience for the exploration of life in form.

Better it is to focus on emotions and explore what they tell us about our beliefs and perspectives. In the unfolding of our human experience emotions reflect the quality of our alignment with our true nature, our greater beingness. There is no right or wrong here, only valuable guidance in our relationship with life.

If you feel like crying then cry. But while doing so ask yourself what you believe about conditions and self that would generate such an outpouring. Again it's not right or wrong. It's only the natural effect of certain beliefs. It's good to feel them fully and openly. The emotions we feel are the proof positive of how those beliefs align with our true nature. Our greater being is ever in a state of unconditional love and acceptance. It is also in the ongoing process of evolution of being and conscious expansion. It is these experiences, and their resolution, that stimulate that expansion.

The better we feel - joy, love, appreciation, etc - the more it reflects our alignment with our true nature. The worse we feel - depression, anger, frustration, etc - the more it reflects our misunderstanding of the conditions at hand. It's really that simple. Clarity, in terms of who we truly are, and who our relationships are in the greater sense, brings stability in being. Feel your sense of being in quiet moments undefined by words. There is no greater aide to alignment.

WW
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Re: Relationship ended... How to stay present?

Postby DavidB » Wed Nov 04, 2015 4:16 pm

Life can be a real struggle at times, no doubt about it. I think the best we can do is cope the best we know how, and that's gonna have to be enough, cos that's all we got. Lets yourself grieve, a broken relationship can be devastating. It's like a death, only worse.

I think it's best to remind oneself, that it doesn't really matter what we do, it's how we do it. Be honest, be kind and compassionate. It's what we give to others, and it's certainly ok to give it to ourselves.

Being present is the simple realization that there is within us an imagined sense of self constantly trying to become real. You never need believe anything about yourself, you never need to take anything too seriously. :wink:
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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Re: Relationship ended... How to stay present?

Postby qtip » Wed Nov 04, 2015 8:39 pm

Thank you WW, DB.
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Re: Relationship ended... How to stay present?

Postby qtip » Tue Nov 10, 2015 11:36 am

One more thing...
I just realised that besides the ended relationship there are more things ending or crumbling...

+ I'm having serious doubts about my work.
+ Same with some friendships.
+ Bank account drained because of income tax (behind on it due to bad advisor)
+ Lifelong hobbies / interests or 'passions' no longer appeal (in the same way) to me.

What's this all about?

Thank you.
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