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How can I be free of ego in social challenges

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 4:27 am
by jtightlips21
I find that when it comes to friendships, family, or other types of relationships, it can be tempting for me to revert to egoism when there is a challenge especially with those I am close with. This can cover situations where someone close goes through a personality change that makes them be disapproving of you, and therefore either cut communication, or transform the relationship into a burden. Sometimes, we can have competing wills with a family member, like a parent, or extended relative wanting you to major in one thing, but you want to major in something else, and it sometimes feels the only option is to shun them or surrender your will to them. Or sometimes it seems like we maybe stuck in a society or group that is not very accepting of us. Such as a job, a town, family, or neighborhood.

I know that we can easily start to moralize about social matters, like people should be more tolerant of those who are different, people should respect others personal decisions, or a desire to get rid of subculture trends, such as workaholism, political correctness, religious fundamentalism, or arbitrary social taboos. And sometimes its all too easy to obsess over destroying any potentially influential institutions, such as churches, corporations, Government agencies, or organizations that advocate something that could get in the way of a friendship.

So essentially I can too easily get a self righteous attitude towards anyone or anything that I find threatening and shakes relationships, like a kind of attitude that they had no right to destroy our friendship. Hence falling into the unconscious attitude.

Re: How can I be free of ego in social challenges

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 7:49 am
by Webwanderer
I would suggest that you will not be free of ego while you are in this human experience. Ego serves an essential purpose in this life. It's more a matter of what type of ego you will have and live through. Egos are malleable based on the content of one's belief system. As beliefs about life and self change, so too does the experience and quality of one's ego. So rather than trying to rid yourself of ego, work towards molding it to a construct that brings you more joy and happiness in your life. Focus more on acceptance and appreciation, and less on judgment and fear.

The fundamental truth is that 'we are not what we think we are'. We are the conscious beingness within which thinking and believing takes place. Much, if not most, of what we believe was entrained in us in our early life. That entraining effectively built our ego. But once we clearly realize that we are not what we think we are, we can choose new beliefs and create new perspectives on life. Those new perspectives will build a new identification and an evolved ego. It's a life long process that will be heavily effected by external influences, or for those more awake to the reality, by chosen intent.

I suggest that we came into this life knowing there would be unique challenges and experiences engendered by the nature and limitation of our ego focus. One of those unique challenges is to recognize our early programming and create anew our world view in a way that would more serve us in the quality of life we lead. Most everyone wants to be happy, and most every choice we make is based on something we believe will help us move in that direction. It's natural to want to be happy. It's beliefs that there is something outside of us that is necessary to make that happen that limits our ability to actually live there.

It's simply our choice in how we view things, and the meaning we give them, that determines our experience of conditions and events. The events themselves are secondary. An ego developed over time with beliefs that work in the best interest of our life experience is an ego worth creating. It's much a trial and error process, but one worth considering when exploring the nature of ego and its effect on experience.


Re: How can I be free of ego in social challenges

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 5:54 pm
by lmp
I know your question is how you can be free of ego in relationship. We may ask this question because it is logical that in finding the answer to that question we would be free from conflicts with people.

I think however we must take some time to see the ego exactly as it is in relationships, because that way we add more depth to the question. If we are interested in finding out what the ego really is in relationship, then also, the question may change or the answer will begin to appear.

My ego is basically my reaction, my response, my part, my behaviour in the relationship, isnt it? I can see that in relationships that are challenging, perhaps agressive, demanding, threatening, criticizing: that I am passive, avoiding, fearful, broody, adaptable, I lose energy, I'm mild and waiting for it to pass, I don't like it, I'm afraid of conflict and wait for it to go away. In relationships of a more open nature I am considerate, I have some wisdom to share, I laugh, I take care, I share, I enjoy.

If this is ego I don't expect it to go away. I do however think about some statements from Jesus that are suitable for me personally, 'turn the other cheek', 'whoever is free of sin, let him be the first to cast a stone', 'love your neighbour as yourself', because in my heart there is a natural forgiveness of our flaws that balances the highs and the lows of (my) behaviour. Not everybody reacts well to this. Truth in relationship is subtle and the other person may be very uncompromising.

I liked webwanderers answer, perhaps there is more in it than in mine.

Re: How can I be free of ego in social challenges

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 8:17 pm
by Webwanderer
lmp wrote:My ego is basically my reaction, my response, my part, my behaviour in the relationship, isnt it?
I would suggest that reaction, response, and behavior is more of a reflection of ego than the essence of it. I see ego as more of an identification with a construct of beliefs about self and life, about right and wrong, and about the meanings we apply to the elements of our experience. It is however, the reading of our reactions, responses, and behaviors that reveal the beliefs we hold and make it possible to change what does not serve us in the way we want.