needing some guidance

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needing some guidance

Postby Adrienne » Fri Jan 15, 2016 9:57 pm

Hi there,
I just signed up for this forum and was reading over a number of posts and thought it may be beneficial if I post one myself. Currently, I’m doing a lot of self healing and reflection. To give some background information, I was a very anxious, angry child, my parents didn’t know how to help me so I was placed on anti-depressants when I was around 8 years old. Currently, this past year I have really begun to confront my anxiety and fears head on. Through guidance from my counselor and Doctor, I decided to slowly decrease my medication to eventually be off them completely (which was around November 2015). After a few weeks of being off my medication, I was completely bombarded with anxiety and despair. I didn’t feel I had the tools to really work with my mind and did not have the confidence to do so. My thoughts turned quite dark. I often thought “it would be so much easier to not be here than to deal with my thoughts”.. which then lead to “I want to cut my wrists”.. “I want to kill myself”… “I can’t do this”.

So these dark thoughts have been lingering and popping up daily, which has been incredibly distressing and scary. In December 2015, with the advice from my doctor, I went back on my medication. It helped some, but the scary thoughts are still very real and vivid. I then came across Eckhart Tolle’s books, The Power of Now, and A New Earth. And at first they were a breath of fresh air. I began to see that my mind was just generating thoughts and a lot of it had to do with my past experiences I never dealt with. It took me a while to actually understand that the voice in my head has been guiding me along this whole time, without me even questioning it’s truth. My voice in my head was true to me, which therefore meant the thoughts I thought were completely coming from a true place inside me. Learning that this was not true was a bit unnerving, but also brought a great relief.

The question that I have been searching to find (which I may know the answer to already) is this:

1) Do suicidal thoughts come from the ego?

2) If the thoughts are coming from the ego, and if more people didn’t take their suicidal thoughts to be the Truth, I’d like to think that no one in the world would then commit suicide, as they would realize their mind and negative thinking is not what is true. Am I correct in thinking that?

3) As well, if the thoughts are coming from the ego, and if I know that, then why do I still believe the thoughts and take them to be my reality? As I continue to take them to be my reality, I am very anxious, scared and weary. How can I not react to these scary thoughts? I don’t want to think those thoughts!!

I continue to have glimpses of the presence within in but it is very rare. I get very weary, hopeless and depressed as I continue to fight with my mind and negative thinking. Apart of me knows that I am just making it worse by doing so, but I also keep trying to figure out why those thoughts are popping up in the first place.

I would love to hear some responses if possible! Thank you.
Adrienne
 
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Re: needing some guidance

Postby Webwanderer » Sat Jan 16, 2016 1:54 am

Welcome to the forum.

Adrienne wrote:1) Do suicidal thoughts come from the ego?

Almost certainly. Any greater perspective (than ego) knows there is value in the human experience. You know it too, as you as a human perspective came from a greater perspective. You are an expression of that greater, non-physical, perspective and are loved and appreciated no matter what choices you make. Know also there is help through finding alignment with that greater perspective - it is your true nature.

2) If the thoughts are coming from the ego, and if more people didn’t take their suicidal thoughts to be the Truth, I’d like to think that no one in the world would then commit suicide, as they would realize their mind and negative thinking is not what is true. Am I correct in thinking that?

It is not only what it true, those thoughts are not what they and you are. You are not mind and body, you are consciousness and being. You consider this because you feel its truth.

3) As well, if the thoughts are coming from the ego, and if I know that, then why do I still believe the thoughts and take them to be my reality?

Habits ingrained with emotion and fear. Your concern is the fuel that keeps such thoughts alive. Do you fear those thoughts may be true? Consider how that feels and the energy it focuses. Habits of belief can be very hard to break. Knowing the truth is a good first step but it also requires perspective and maintenance.

As I continue to take them to be my reality, I am very anxious, scared and weary. How can I not react to these scary thoughts? I don’t want to think those thoughts!!

Allow the thoughts to be, but give them new meaning. You already know the truth. Relax in the knowledge and apply it to thoughts when they arise. Know that these are just thoughts arising from old conditioning and nothing more. They are irrelevant if you see them that way - and you get to choose. Laugh at them for what they are and you will steal their power to concern you.

Also spend regular time in quiet openness to feel your true nature. No descriptions. Just relaxed and present being from the core of what you are. Over time that sense of core being will deepen and grow.

WW
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Re: needing some guidance

Postby the key master » Sat Jan 16, 2016 4:39 pm

1) Do suicidal thoughts come from the ego?


If some thoughts come from ego mind and some thoughts come from normal mind, you're looking at one mind pretending to be two minds. That's what I mean by a split mind.

2) If the thoughts are coming from the ego, and if more people didn’t take their suicidal thoughts to be the Truth, I’d like to think that no one in the world would then commit suicide, as they would realize their mind and negative thinking is not what is true. Am I correct in thinking that?


When Eckhart talks about Truth he is pointing to something beyond words. Hence, none of your thoughts are the truth toward where they point. You are not your mind.

3) As well, if the thoughts are coming from the ego, and if I know that, then why do I still believe the thoughts and take them to be my reality? As I continue to take them to be my reality, I am very anxious, scared and weary. How can I not react to these scary thoughts? I don’t want to think those thoughts!!


Of course you want to think them, by which I mean there isn't some mind which isn't yours which is thinking these thoughts without permission of that same mind. The thoughts you are describing are sometimes termed compulsions in the psychiatric community, and I understand what you mean when you say you don't want to be thinking them, in that you are noticing your mind resisting its own processes. This doesn't mean to go find a ledge, but it does mean you are conscious of your mind and it's own reactions against itself.

I continue to have glimpses of the presence within in but it is very rare. I get very weary, hopeless and depressed as I continue to fight with my mind and negative thinking. Apart of me knows that I am just making it worse by doing so, but I also keep trying to figure out why those thoughts are popping up in the first place.


I think you would be in your right mind to resist thoughts which threaten your physical well being, like suicidal thoughts. And yes, if you were conscious of why those thoughts were popping up, the idea that they shouldn't pop up wouldn't be here, which would allow whatever energy blockages harbored locally to express themselves. Meaning, no more compulsions. 'Trying to figure out' and 'allowing to pass' are two different beasts. You can't notice consciousness of the latter until there is consciousness of the former.
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