Presence or numbing?

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Presence or numbing?

Postby lowell » Mon Jan 25, 2016 9:25 am

Hey everyone,

I've been practicing presence on and off for years now. I've gone thru many phases where I cannot bring myself to do it. I am back at it and it seems like I've found it again and it feels stronger and more real than ever before.

Generally I am very emotionally reactive, day in day out. Internally reactive for the most part, not externally. My thoughts cause all kinds of ups and downs. I have realised this and it has made me more present. I feel like I am being present a lot now, but am not sure if I'm really present or if I'm simply numbing myself mentally or supressing my emotions. I worry that if I continue I'll have a panic attack or anxiety attack due to the emotions being suppressed. When I feel my inner reactions and my pain body I become aware of the present moment and STOP THINKING. This is the essence of presence..I know that...but still I wonder if this is right or if I'm setting myself up for an explosion haha. I also realize it's possible that my ego is trying to trick me into not being present. I'm confused LOL. When my mind takes me on a journey I often think very negatively and want to cry. I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was young.

Thank you for reading and for any input.
lowell
 
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Re: Presence or numbing?

Postby sardinelover » Thu Mar 03, 2016 3:25 pm

How can you stop thinking? Where is the off switch?

You are right, you are numbing yourself mentally and suppressing your emotions. What you are really doing is playing mind games with yourself, in the mistaken belief that you are stopping thinking, and you associate this with being present(and by extension with getting rid of negative emotions).

Once a negative emotion is lodged in your body, the only way to remove it from your body is to put your awareness into your body and feel the emotion. You can't hide from it - you need to go through it. The emotion will quickly dissolve.

Ideally you will want to put your awareness into your body as often as possible, regardless of whether you are aware of a negative emotion or not.
Relax your face
sardinelover
 
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