Suffocating thoughts

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Suffocating thoughts

Postby Lara » Mon Feb 01, 2016 11:46 am

I have had counselling for mini breakdowns in the last three years and they have all started from either of my daughters having relationships with friends or boyfriends that have ended. Since starting to read "the power of now" I can see that my thoughts about this take over and my emotions too, I can't think of anything else I get obsessed with the thoughts, it gets so bad that sometimes I can't function and that's usually when I go to counselling. I use the word infected, the thoughts have infected me as if I'm ill and I can't help myself. Even though I'm reading this book and I understand about observing the thoughts it's not helping me because it's starting again . My daughter has met a boy and is plainly to see in love which is joyful to witness but my thoughts are starting to activate, I think about them both 50% of the day maybe more it depends what interups the thoughts. I can feel it seeping into my mind like an infection and I can't get rid of it. Luckily at the moment it's positive but I know from experience if it ends I will end up having a mini breakdown and end up in counselling and I won't be able to function for a week or two. I should note that my mum left when I was 13 which alwYs comes up in counselling and I had a bad breakup from my first love when I was 17 that had stayed with me in dreams and thoughts until a couple of years ago.
I really want to sort this and be free of the suffocating thoughts. Can anyone help me?
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Re: Suffocating thoughts

Postby lmp » Mon Feb 01, 2016 7:53 pm

Hi,

it's a remarkably rare thing to find lasting peace. Perhaps it is a different question entirely. Sometimes it is because of the idea of always feeling well that we suffer from thoughts and feelings. In it's absence, the absence of a complete solution, why not go for some temporary ones:

Counselling is one of them. Another one is to be prepared, too begin taking the steps now for how to deal with the possible outcome, he who prepares most often fares better. Consider what small steps you could take in a right direction now. Perhaps there is somebody else besides the counsellor with whom you can have a bit of a strategy, I don't know.

As I see it, spiritual matters is an earnest longing to find out the true things about life, but relying too much on it for dealing with pain might turn into an escapism in the sense that one turns away from ones actual problems into hope of a general method to ease the pain - if that makes sense to you.

It's a vague answer but I'll post it anyway.
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Re: Suffocating thoughts

Postby dijmart » Fri Feb 05, 2016 3:51 am

What you're doing is called rumination with excessive worry. There's a lot about it on google just do a search. Sorry I can't type more right now....
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Re: Suffocating thoughts

Postby Lara » Sun Feb 07, 2016 12:03 pm

Hi escapism is probably what I do when I go to meditation but I think it does help jolt the thoughts. I come out with a clear head and it feels wonderful not to be constantly analysising / making sense of relationships my daughters are having and other stuff I chew over.


Rumination hey? What a great feeling to know it is actually a named condition thank you I am now reading up on it.
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Re: Suffocating thoughts

Postby dijmart » Mon Feb 08, 2016 2:24 am

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/dwelling ... 99103.html

This seems to be a pretty good article on it. I use to ruminate, it's no fun!
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Re: Suffocating thoughts

Postby Sighclone » Sun Feb 14, 2016 4:21 am

Welcome to the forum, Lara.

Self-referential thoughts happen. It is the "default mode network" of the brain. (Google that.) This default mode network was discovered about ten years ago. However, there are other modes (task positive mode, others.) The key to quieting the default mode network is either meditation or yoga. My guess (and it is only a guess, not a diagnosis) is that a mantra-based meditation technique might be beneficial for you. Most forms of meditation tend to quiet the mind, however. Please research techniques that you can learn at a reasonable cost near you. Eckhart Tolle has some techniques in the Audio CD "Gateways to Now." I cannot comment on how effective they are, and ultimately no one can tell you what will "work" for you -- you have to experiment. But one thing is certain, do not "judge" the quality of a given meditation sitting. And do not give up on a technique until you have tried it for a while. Quieting the mind has many benefits -- find a way.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: Suffocating thoughts

Postby a drop of water » Wed Feb 17, 2016 7:32 pm

thanks for this site. I am making reasonable progress during the day with quiet awareness and its made a huge difference in quality of life. The issue is several times when I have tried to sleep. I drift in an out and can't quite put space around unconscious thought while I am drifting asleep. It becomes a see saw battle that can last till 3;30am where I wake up fully alert because I have had unconscious thought, the thought then disappears, I drift into sleep and another unconscious negative thought arises or extreme anxiousness, I become fully aware of it and with awareness - wake up and the cycle repeats itself for hours on end. Its not every night but I have had three of these over the past 10 days and am so exhausted the next day. Is this normal. Will it soon pass?
Is there something I can focus on before I fall asleep that will get me off this cycle.
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Re: Suffocating thoughts

Postby dijmart » Thu Feb 18, 2016 2:31 am

You are the one aware of the thoughts, stop paying them attention, don't feed the thoughts that arise by adding additional thoughts and they usually slow down or stop. Another words you can say, I (awareness) see you (thoughts) but I won't identify with you!
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Re: Suffocating thoughts

Postby Sighclone » Thu Feb 18, 2016 7:54 am

Here are a couple of "thoughts" regarding sleep:
1) Surrender to everything that arises. Do this consciously. After all, it is just a thought. You've had a million of them. They come and go. Surrender rather than engage.
2) Ask yourself "who is aware of these thoughts?" It is a chance for self-inquiry. If you must be up at night thinking, why not dwell on a thought that can bring a breakthrough ("who am I?")
3) Experiment with being the "witness." This is related to 2. The witness state is a stage in spiritual development - it's not the end, but it seems to be a useful base camp.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: Suffocating thoughts

Postby Lara » Tue Mar 01, 2016 2:04 am

Hi dijmart
Would love to hear about your rumination and your story of stopping?
Great feedback everyone, very helpful.
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Re: Suffocating thoughts

Postby dijmart » Tue Mar 01, 2016 3:40 am

Sorry, but i've had a very taxing weekend as my 2 year old grandbaby got a hold of some medication and ingested a half bottle or more and was in critical care. He's doing well now, but I feel like I've aged ten years in 3 days.

My advice is see a therapist that uses cognitive behavioral therapy or maybe you need medication to control the ruminations?
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