Some people feel uncomfortable around me

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)

Some people feel uncomfortable around me

Postby bobdylanfan » Fri Mar 04, 2016 10:37 pm

Hey guys I've found that the more familiar I get with this presence the more comfortable I feel and generally more loving I become. However I find that people can get quite uncomfortable around me, what seems to happen is they will be talking and my mind will be quite peaceful, I wouldn't feel the need to respond that quickly and may just be comfortably looking at them . I see people get uncomfortbale and walk off. I think this is maybe due that silence between two humans that is often described as arkward. It's maybe because they re not used to someone not playing the game of endlessly chatting plus I may be mirroring this awareness back onto themselves revealing stuff about themselves that feels uncomfortable. What's ur opinions and experiences with this ?
bobdylanfan
 
Posts: 100
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:54 am

Re: Some people feel uncomfortable around me

Postby dijmart » Fri Mar 04, 2016 11:51 pm

Well, there's a difference between not being overly chatty and being creepy. If people are just looking at you weird and walking away, then you're definately being creepy.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2078
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Some people feel uncomfortable around me

Postby bobdylanfan » Sat Mar 05, 2016 12:14 am

Yeah it's interesting, I thinks it's more of a combo of my mind being quite quiet and also goin through an intense time of expansion and really letting go of alot of ideas and beliefs that I've had for 30 years, there's a slight feeling of bein lost, knowing I'm not the person I thought I was and not knowing who I am now, or how to act. Maybe I've answered my own question, no one who has met me would ever describe me as creepy. It's not a very helpful thing to say
bobdylanfan
 
Posts: 100
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:54 am

Re: Some people feel uncomfortable around me

Postby dijmart » Sat Mar 05, 2016 3:25 am

no one who has met me would ever describe me as creepy. It's not a very helpful thing to say


My apologies. :(

However, peeps are getting uncomfortable (your words) and walking away. So, you are not engaging them in any way that would make them want to be around you more. You most likely aren't mirroring awareness back at them, because they don't understand that.....you still have to play the game some what if you will and act like a normal person , even though you know youre awareness....or risk people thinking your creepy..lol ....sorry, this jiva thinks she's humorous today.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2078
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Some people feel uncomfortable around me

Postby dijmart » Sat Mar 05, 2016 3:50 am

I thinks it's more of a combo of my mind being quite quiet and also goin through an intense time of expansion and really letting go of alot of ideas and beliefs that I've had for 30 years, there's a slight feeling of bein lost, knowing I'm not the person I thought I was and not knowing who I am now, or how to act. Maybe I've answered my own question




Ok, being more serious now....yes, I've had the lack of chattiness come and go, but you still should be listening and responding appropriately. It takes effort at times when you're not really in to it. For me, I make an effort to have a pleasant look on my face, make facial gestures that show I'm engaged with what's going on...even if there's not much I'm interested in at that moment or not much going on thought wise. If the person burns themselves out while talking and the conversation (that I wasn't interested in) ends. I make sure I smile and comment on something they were talking about ....so it's not awkward for them. Regardless of what you're realizing you should try to be kind to thoughs around you. They don't know they're awareness or what that means...at all.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2078
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Some people feel uncomfortable around me

Postby bobdylanfan » Sun Mar 06, 2016 12:05 am

Hey dijmart thankyou for your reply and im sorry if i seemed a bit snappy ,I think you hit a nerve calling me creepy. I understand what you mean now and i see my intention whenever im talking to someone is for them to like me, so ive had my whole life up to now almost finishing peoples sentences for them to help us connect and for them to walk away from our conversation thinking I really like that guy hes cool, interesting , funny , attractive etc. Whereas now i feel like my head is someones empty and although i can kind of respond its the bare minimum of rapport. I realise this is also a phase and this video helped confirm it (u may need headphones) https://youtu.be/rvdT9NTP8kI

I see in the last few weeks ive experienced alot of social anxiety which I think has been the backing track for so many of my interactions up to now, without knowing it. I have also felt heavy deep depression for the first time in my life so stuff is definitely getting stirred up inside. I see my reaction is to pull away and stop abiding as awareness as its uncovering alot of uncomfortable feelings as well feeling like im losing my personality. I realise i have to be brave and step into this unknown as i know A) it will pass and B) Its definitely worth it.

Thanks again for your help
bobdylanfan
 
Posts: 100
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:54 am

Re: Some people feel uncomfortable around me

Postby dijmart » Sun Mar 06, 2016 5:02 am

.
I see my reaction is to pull away and stop abiding as awareness as its uncovering alot of uncomfortable feelings as well feeling like im losing my personality


Know that you can't stop abiding in awareness, because you are awareness. The pulling away "reaction" that you think is happening is... instead of identifying yourself as awareness, being aware of the person you're associated with, you are identifying with the person, thoughts, feelings, ect, ect. like you always had been. That gives a sense of rejecting awareness, but that's not possible. You are the one who is aware OF all those things. Vedanta (james swartz) explains this very well.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2078
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Some people feel uncomfortable around me

Postby DavidB » Tue Mar 08, 2016 9:13 am

This could potentially come across as weird, but it's also probably because they feel uncomfortable/awkward.

Most people almost exclusively operate on an unconscious emotional level. So even though WE may no longer have many of these unconscious emotional needs anymore, most of the people we encounter still have many of these unconscious emotional needs. Depending on the culture, there are a whole plethora of unwritten convention and nuance associated with appropriate and inappropriate behavior. If for whatever reason, we fail to adhere to these expectations, then we can be seen as being weird, or maybe even dangerous.

In some cultures it's weird to smile at strangers. In others it's perfectly fine. In others it's fine sometimes and not other times.

Always aim to be consciously aware, and when in Rome do as Romans do.. etc.

I sometimes don't feel like engaging with people, as I sometimes get chronic fatigue. My energy levels are quite low and conversation can be draining. Sometimes I avoid eye contact and idle conversation, and other times when I have normal energy levels I'm friendly and happy to chat. This could be potentially quite weird. I don't worry about though.

And to be frank, most people don't remember your conversations anyway, they generally only remember their own.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
User avatar
DavidB
 
Posts: 640
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:55 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Some people feel uncomfortable around me

Postby bobdylanfan » Tue Mar 08, 2016 3:04 pm

Thanks for this insight david B I can see it's a combo of what you describe and also me feeling a bit shakey in my personality (or lack of) and feeling socially anxious at times.
bobdylanfan
 
Posts: 100
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:54 am


Return to Questions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests