Help! Being present makes me too passive :(

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Help! Being present makes me too passive :(

Postby deal3r » Tue Mar 22, 2016 8:02 pm

Hey everyone! I just have a serious question to ask. So I am a relatively young guy (22) who learned mindfulness as I couldn't deal with the anxiety and negative thought patterns that were consuming my mind. Initially, it felt great and I felt free of worry. However, I soon realize that trying to me mindful all the time made me more passive. For example, if I was lying in bed and my brain told me to do work, I would instead not judge it and recognize it peacefully, thus continuing to lie on the bed. A second example was when I wanted to ask a girl I liked out. Immediately, all the negative thoughts started coming up with how she would reject me, but then i just focus on the moment, accepted the situation and decided to not text her anyway. Other cases included when I wanted to speak up in a certain situation that i felt angry, but then i tried to be present and then i accepted the situation without acting. So my question is, does accepting and focusing on the Now makes you waste opportunities? Or should I just learn to be present but realize that are times when being present all the time is not effective?
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Re: Help! Being present makes me too passive :(

Postby Webwanderer » Tue Mar 22, 2016 9:15 pm

deal3r wrote:So my question is, does accepting and focusing on the Now makes you waste opportunities?

Yes, it wastes, or more accurately, misses certain opportunities. But not exploring one opportunity for experience is exploring another type of experience. Whatever you like is the way to go. Just don't lie to yourself about what you like. Then there is the opportunity with the enhanced mindfulness to blend the two. In other words, be mindful of doing whatever you are doing without making judgments about it. Just enjoy the feeling of being and doing.

Or should I just learn to be present but realize that are times when being present all the time is not effective?

Sounds like there's intriguing possibilities to explore. That said, being focused in an experience is being present - within that experience. It's the getting lost in thought, spinning stories and concepts, that can be problematic in that one can create false beliefs that influence his or her perspective. Being present is most often an in and out thing in any case, and life is more about experience than mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a perspective that allows us to make the most out of our experience. Experience generates emotions, and emotions are our guiding feedback that tells us how clearly we are seeing the conditions and events of our life. The more joy and appreciation we have, the more aligned and inclusive our life view tends to be.

WW
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Re: Help! Being present makes me too passive :(

Postby Sighclone » Thu Mar 24, 2016 8:53 pm

Fine comments by WW!

You are discovering your new spacious sense of Presence. It is a new "perspective" and might seem a bit odd. Some of the ego drives may not be so urgent, and that is totally fine. Eckhart believed that the ego is the "natural boss" until about the age of 29. That doesn't mean you can't Awaken earlier, but just be aware that there is a big engine inside of you that will want to fire up often. The fact the your "mindfulness" allows you some distance from those impulses is new. But it also is a platform, a foundation for truly meaningful action. Trust you new spaciousness...be passive for a couple of weeks, just see what happens and don't judge it. Also, the discovery of Stillness is very re-assuring to the brain. It is a new "default mode network" forming (Google that and also see Gary Weber's blog here: http://www.happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.com/ .)

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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