How to stop being too much self-conscious?

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How to stop being too much self-conscious?

Post by maung » Tue Mar 29, 2016 11:26 am

I'm 22 and a university student. I have an acne ridden face. Big acne and scars. I feel embarrassed and very self-conscious when I meet other people. I mostly live alone in my room and I skipped classes. Sometimes, I feel like I'm really depressed. I know I shouldn't skip classes but I don't want to go to school with this acne ridden face. Please help.

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Re: How to stop being too much self-conscious?

Post by Fore » Tue Mar 29, 2016 1:55 pm

That really sucks, I had the same thing growing up and it was really painful. It will get better but I still get occasional acne now and I'm 46. My mother has the same skin. Try to carry on with your studies, and live your life. Take care.

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Re: How to stop being too much self-conscious?

Post by DavidB » Tue Mar 29, 2016 3:21 pm

I used to be self conscious. I had low self esteem, poor body image, anxiety and depression. I know from experience that these things can be overcome.

This is a difficult situation, because while self awareness is a powerful transformer, that focusing inward can potentially lead us to become more self conscious. When I feel self conscious, which still happens, but not nearly as often or intense as before, I accept that those feelings have arisen and allow them to be there. I don't focus on them however. I simply notice them, and that's all the attention I give them.

Self awareness can help heal our inner dimensions. When we allow those awkward and painful feelings to arise and accept them for what they are, painful feelings, then we come to know ourselves better at a deeper level, and those painful feelings can transform. Treat yourself with unconditional love and kindness, it will help promote healing both physically and emotionally. You deserve it and so does your body.

Also, being self conscious means that you are probably highly sensitive, making you potentially very empathetic. This, combined with being visually afflicted, as with acne for example, can potentially allow you to create even more depth and therefore keenly attuned to the pain and suffering of others. Having this depth of awareness can be quite satisfying when we allow ourselves to love who we are and then share that love with others.

The joy of being is the joy of life, loving what is, as it is. :)
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

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Re: How to stop being too much self-conscious?

Post by scrayne » Sat Aug 27, 2016 3:31 am

Hi maung,
It is not your face that is causing your self-consciousness, it is your thinking about your face.

Similarly, if someone were to feel a certain way about your face, it would be because of their thinking, not because of your face.
Someone could see you and think negative thoughts, and they will feel negative towards you. Someone else could see you and think positive/neutral thoughts, such as "Oh they remind me of my sibling/best friend/doctor", or not have hardly any thoughts about it at all, and thus experience a more positive/neutral experience of you.

If your acne really caused negative thinking in people, then everyone would have the same thoughts and feelings towards you. But it can vary so much from person to person.

So we often get caught up in self-consciousness because we believe we are the cause of people's experiences. But we're not. People will think whatever it is that they will think, positive, negative, whatever... the whole spectrum... and THEY get to experience that. No matter what we do or look like.

In the same way, what we think about the state of our bodies, will determine how we feel about ourselves and how self-conscious we will be. Someone could look in the mirror and have acne and scars, but if they think & believe something more positive/neutral (ie: "That's just my face! No big deal. People won't care as long as I'm caring and fun. It doesn't really matter."), they will get to experience a better feeling.

Remember! It is not your acne, but the way you are thinking about your acne that is causing you emotional suffering. Just like how Eckhart wasn't suffering because of his life situation -- he was suffering because he was identifying with the thoughts he was having about his life situation. Once he changed/got rid of his painful thoughts, his entire experience of life changed.

So look at all the thoughts you are having about your skin. Ask yourself, is there a thought that you can believe, that feels a little better? For example, if your main thoughts are: "I look awful. No one wants to see this. This shouldn't be this way", notice that you feel embarrassed, upset, sad, etc....whatever it may be. If you can find a slightly better-feeling thought that you can believe... such as "There's many people with acne who are living fully. I am so much more than my skin. I'm ok."... practice thinking those new thoughts and notice how you feel a little better. Then once that feels more right than the old thoughts, work your way up slowly to more better feeling thoughts little by little.

It is not your circumstance, but your thinking that will determine how you experience everything! This is freedom. I know it's going to be tough at first, and takes a lot of bravery, but practicing this new way of thinking and seeing things will change everything!

I send you lots of love.

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