My vader died

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My vader died

Postby mirta » Mon Apr 11, 2016 2:26 pm

My vader died past sunday. When i was a child I suffered a lot because of him. He used to beat my mum. He was really violent. Sometimes, i was afraid of making noise moving a chair because he would be angry and beat my mother and me. It was a way of him to relieve tension. At the same time, when he was happy, he was sweet and lovely. But then again, ik you wouldnt lisen to him o help him when he was depressed, he insulted me and my mum and it was really painful. He was not socially capable, he was also kind of inocent, like a little child sometimes... thats when i felt gilty of hating him. I saw he was just not totally normaal. I think he had autism of asperger. He couldnt listen for longer than one minuut. He would be daydream and then he would say: what? Constantly... it was exausting... but again he would hug me and say, I wanna show you sth, a d I would give me my attention and love just to be in peace at home...

When he divorced my mum, i also left home. I loved to be alone.. I felt free, no responsability, no tension... no violence... no need to be there to solve the conflict btween my mum and him...

After some years, he became older, more relaxed... sweeter, still exausting bcsuse he wouldnt listen...but much more sweet and innocent, like a child.

He died suddenly last sunday after a lot of pain. The thought of him having pain is for me really really painful. I start to cry.

Everytime i look a picture of him, i cry. I guess I Look at him like it was really sad for him to be like he was. I see someone really innocent who suffered a lot in his life...

I dont know how to deal with this... its all pain... its like I cant see my father really as he was.. there is just pain...

Id love to hear your reactions. I hope they help me to find peace in this.
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Re: My vader died

Postby Onceler » Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:54 am

I'm sorry for your loss.....it's very difficult to resolve a complicated relationship after death. I had a difficult relationship with my father as well. He died 20 years ago and it took a long time to resolve it. In the end I simply realized that we both did the best we could and there was nothing more to say.
Be present, be pleasant.
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Re: My vader died

Postby DavidB » Tue Apr 12, 2016 5:37 am

My father was a troubled man as well. He died about 15 years ago.

A few times over the years my father came to me in dreams. Each time he appeared to be more and more at peace, until eventually he stopped coming.

Your father will be fine, he will assuredly encounter the healing of grace and serenity, as we all do eventually. :)
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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Re: My vader died

Postby Webwanderer » Tue Apr 12, 2016 6:36 am

My sense is that this human life is only intended as a temporary existence. One with opportunity for all kinds of experience. Your father, as with all of us who inevitably undergo a death experience and return to whence we came, is back in his Natural State. Send him your love and appreciation. Let him go and remember the best of what he shared with you. That best is what matters most for both of you.

WW
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Re: My vader died

Postby mirta » Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:44 pm

Thanks you very much to all of you.
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Re: My vader died

Postby randomguy » Sat Apr 16, 2016 12:30 pm

I dont know how to deal with this... its all pain... its like I cant see my father really as he was.. there is just pain...

Yet you describe the memory as 'someone really innocent who suffered a lot'. This reads like forgiveness to me. Pain, sadness, anger when not resisted, when not argued with go their own way in time. It resolves itself just as the heart beats itself. Just feel it is all, notice, listen. To see yourself as you really are, the stillness in which feelings and memories appear and fade away, is to see everyone else as they really are.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho
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