Reconciling love/sex with "being enough" ???

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)

Reconciling love/sex with "being enough" ???

Postby painBody » Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:41 pm

Hello enlightened beings !

I agree with most of what ET says. There is one huge disagreement, however.

ET says that we are "enough" by ourselves, in the formless dimension, and that the longing for romance/sex is due to nothing more than egoic desire, i.e. "I need you to fulfill me." (at least, this is my interpretation) I disagree !

We, as humans, have innate and primordial biological and physiological traits/instincts, that make us long for companionship from other humans, i.e., we are "social animals". So, I don't see the longing for company as an "egoic need" at all !!! It is perfectly normal and, I'd argue, desirable. I'm talking about two things here: 1 - Specifically, the desire for a romantic/sexual partner, and 2 - The desire for friends/companions, in general.

To take an example to illustrate my point ... if we were "enough" by ourselves, we'd be perfectly content living our whole lives in a room entirely alone. Right ? Wrong !

Thoughts ?
God, grant me the humility to accept the things I cannot understand, the creativity to utilize the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
User avatar
painBody
 
Posts: 244
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:25 pm

Re: Reconciling love/sex with "being enough" ???

Postby smiileyjen101 » Sun Aug 14, 2016 5:45 am

Hi Pb

Your interpretation of what he's saying may be too narrow.

Love is who we are, we need not search for it, we can be it.

Sex/romance packaged as if it will make or break us is in the ego arena when / if it factors into making enemy, obstacle, means to an end rather than being one in/with it.

We can BE social, etc without it creating suffering. If it's creating suffering ego is involved and to determine how look at whether one is creating an enemy, obstacle or means to an end of any of the elements involved.

He's not saying we can't be social without ego because in our purest authentic interactions we already are. It's distortions of that (or 'marketing' / commercialisation etc based on fear).

We would then be with each other without egotistical judgement, conditions etc etc

Make more sense?
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
User avatar
smiileyjen101
 
Posts: 3681
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:44 am

Re: Reconciling love/sex with "being enough" ???

Postby painBody » Sun Aug 14, 2016 9:44 pm

Hi Jen, thanks for the thoughtful and detailed reply !

I'm aware of everything you said, and furthermore, I agree with all of it. My question is a bit more specific. Perhaps, I should have been more concise and specific.

Do we ***need*** others in our lives to be fulfilled, or can we sit in a room our whole life and be perfectly content ?

My answer is - (Hell) yes, we definitely need others, and this is not an egoic need, it is a genuine need. I'm pretty sure ET is saying no, we don't need others; we can sit in a room all our lives and be perfectly content.
God, grant me the humility to accept the things I cannot understand, the creativity to utilize the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
User avatar
painBody
 
Posts: 244
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:25 pm

Re: Reconciling love/sex with "being enough" ???

Postby Mystic » Mon Aug 15, 2016 11:25 am

painBody wrote:
Do we ***need*** others in our lives to be fulfilled, or can we sit in a room our whole life and be perfectly content ?

My answer is - (Hell) yes, we definitely need others, and this is not an egoic need, it is a genuine need. I'm pretty sure ET is saying no, we don't need others; we can sit in a room all our lives and be perfectly content.


Hello again painBody :D

The body has needs but do we need the body? Is true communion of the soul, or of the body? The ego-mind is the belief, the identification, with a body. Do I need other body forms around me in order to feel content? Eckhart Tolle sat on a park bench for a couple of years in a state of deep bliss after his awakening and awareness of the deep connection to the Universal Intelligence. The body has needs but our soul yearns to give of itself and share joy with other souls as we are all one.
User avatar
Mystic
 
Posts: 152
Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2015 10:29 am

Re: Reconciling love/sex with "being enough" ???

Postby smiileyjen101 » Tue Aug 16, 2016 4:04 am

My answer is - (Hell) yes, we definitely need others, and this is not an egoic need, it is a genuine need. I'm pretty sure ET is saying no, we don't need others; we can sit in a room all our lives and be perfectly content.


I still think you may be misinterpreting him.

Step back a little, give it some space.

We 'need' to eat in order for our bodies to survive / function healthily.
But what when how we eat is fairly impersonal - unless our egos makes our hunger into obstacle, enemy, means to an end >>> egos creating suffering out of what is not, rather than acceptance, enjoyment, enthusiasm for what IS.

We biologically 'need' others in terms of survival assistance, companionship, Maslow's hierarchy of needs etc but in order for that to be consistently healthy we need to recognise when ego is distorting it from the natural into the unnatural.

If we recognise that we are already complete, and the 'other' is also already complete - then any interactions are complementary, rather than cause for dissatisfaction. So if you are with someone or not with anyone - in acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm great! As ET says if you're not in one of these states STOP because ego is making enemy, obstacle or means to an end of a person, thing or situation.

So in a way by saying you NEED something, you're energising the 'lack of' & thereby creating suffering out of the thoughts about that, rather than the reality of it.

I have to say, I think Neale Donald Walsch's Conversations with God explains conscious relationships better than ET does. (Except for that wonderful pointer re: if you're making enemy, obstacle, means to an end of a thing, person or situation that is ego arguing with what is).

ET has a relationship - so I don't think he's suggesting we hole ourselves up in a room on our own. ;)
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
User avatar
smiileyjen101
 
Posts: 3681
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:44 am

Re: Reconciling love/sex with "being enough" ???

Postby painBody » Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:19 am

Mystic and Jen,

Thanks for your thoughtful replies ! They have given me a bit to think about :)
God, grant me the humility to accept the things I cannot understand, the creativity to utilize the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
User avatar
painBody
 
Posts: 244
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:25 pm


Return to Questions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 3 guests