Possible awakening experience

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Possible awakening experience

Postby bobdylanfan » Tue Sep 13, 2016 12:02 am

Hey guys I wanted to share an experience with and invite any feedback you may have.

A few weeks ago I was sitting in the park and felt a very intense, piercing, beautiful sadness in my heart. Everything seemed to slow down and I could really hear all the sounds of the traffic around me, I also felt like I was the sounds. I had done a mediation a few weeks before and in that I learned that I needed to realize that I was awareness and that I was always here. I felt that I realized this during that 10-15mins in the park. I experienced that deep sadness in my heart many times over the next week and cried a lot. My main practice up to this point has been resting as awareness and it seem like that practice is slowly falling away which brings up this sense of fear as I guess I have become dependent on it. It's seems like it was a process for me, I would remember to rest as awareness and then do it and feel that relief as if the awareness was on the other side of the practice. I remember Scott kiloby saying he resting as awareness till he realized he was this awareness and then couldn't rest anymore. I now know that who I am is always here and maybe I can let the practice go. How has it been for you guys since realizing your true nature ?

Thanks
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Re: Possible awakening experience

Postby bobdylanfan » Tue Sep 13, 2016 10:06 am

I also wanted to add that i don't feel like I'm abiding as awareness I just now know its always here. You need such determination and commitment to this practice, I ve had hundreds of these recognitions of awareness and I wake up this morning feeling like I don't have a clue, like im back to the start. Awareness recognition has elusively slipped out the back door again :)
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Re: Possible awakening experience

Postby Zazen » Mon Sep 26, 2016 9:51 pm

Is your "light of awareness" somewhere behind your eyes? Or is it everything?
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Re: Possible awakening experience

Postby Onceler » Wed Sep 28, 2016 3:26 am

I think we reexperience who we are over and over until it becomes integrated and a fairly steady state. It is always there when we need it. It is who we are, it is everything over and over. We are fortunate to experience it once. Multiple times is more gravy.

I am playing with the experience of being confident that awareness, or who I am is always there, so there is no seekingstrivingyearningstrainingvexing, simply checking in occasionally and not doing anything really.....not doing. Anything.
Be present, be pleasant.
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