Feeling empty and blank

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Feeling empty and blank

Postby bobdylanfan » Wed Oct 19, 2016 8:05 pm

Hey guys hope your all well. I wanted to get your support on something. I feel recently as I recognise awareness and I guess get used to the fact that I am this awareness there is always an easeful loving embrace of coming home that I feel in my heart. But there is also this fear that follows, this fear of disappearing and there also a kind of blankness, like I've got nothing to say, my mind feels quite empty. So when I'm siting with family or friends, I don't have much to say and I wondered if this is a normal part of the process? I feel like an empty open space at the moment and it's kind of scary, I don't seem to be able to concentrate, follow or contribute much to conversations. Has anyone else experienced this on their journey ?
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Re: Feeling empty and blank

Postby dijmart » Thu Oct 20, 2016 3:16 am

Hi bdf,

there is always an easeful loving embrace of coming home that I feel in my heart.


Nice!

But there is also this fear that follows, this fear of disappearing


If you had a glimpse of your true nature, then the I-thought (ego) rushed in afterwards to say, "no, no, no don't trust this! You will disappear if you keep this up, ect, ect".

Anything fear based comes from the ego identifying with fearful thoughts. Only thing to fear is fear itself, as they say. The ego is a thought itself, that thinks it's a real entity, not a thought. So, it gets scared, afraid it will disappear. What disappears is the ego's notion that it itself is a "real" entity. It itself will exist as long as the body exists, although its not real, its just apparent.

You can see/watch the ego and it's antics, so you can't BE it, you are awareness. Known through the intellect of the mind as the "witness".

I don't seem to be able to concentrate, follow or contribute much to conversations.


The intellect may be so enticed and amazed by the reflection of awareness it sees within the subtle body that thoughts stop or slow until you get use to it. But in reality IT is YOU, you are IT. Awareness is the substanceless substance that everything's made of, including who you think you are. Although it is not anything objectifiable. It (you) shine throughout and are the background screen of every-thing. But YOU (awareness) are not an object on the screen.
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Re: Feeling empty and blank

Postby bobdylanfan » Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:12 pm

Thanks dijmart you ve done a great job of describing exactly what I'm experiencing. I guess it will take a bit of time for my personality to blend and merge with awareness. It's felt like a bit of a back and forward motion between this wide open space and the ego trying to lure me back into my mind. "Like a seducter or seductress" as adyashanti says, "just listen to this one last thing and you ll rest so much better" I'm heading off to take ayahuasca in two weeks have you have any experience with this kind of drug? I feel like I could do with some clarity on why I'm on this earth and have some close friends who have found it useful, healing and helpful aswell as fucking intense and scary.
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Re: Feeling empty and blank

Postby dijmart » Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:36 am

Thanks dijmart you ve done a great job of describing exactly what I'm experiencing. I guess it will take a bit of time for my personality to blend and merge with awareness.


Your welcome.

You (awareness) are the background to which the person you appear to be's personality can exist. An analogy- You are the screen, your personality, thoughts, feelings, etc are objects appearing upon that screen. Without the screen no personality could exist (although its not ultimately real). So, no merging will happen, ever. You are the witness to the personality. When your mind is relatively quiet you can notice this. However, to be clear, your personality is you ( awareness), but you are not your personality. In this way, they are "one" but not the same. As you never change, but your personality is ever changing.

Also, the ego has gotten a bad rap really, its a thought that just thinks it's real and is grabbing hold of what it can and the mind/intellect doesnt know any better to be able to over ride this thought, so it identifies with it. When you recognize within your mind (intellect) that you are awareness, not the person, the ego will settle down a bit after this Self knowledge assimilates. However, there is no merging, as the ego is a thought, an object on the screen, that you witness.

I'm heading off to take ayahuasca in two weeks have you have any experience with this kind of drug? I feel like I could do with some clarity on why I'm on this earth and have some close friends who have found it useful, healing and helpful aswell as fucking intense and scary.


No, I have not. Just know that whatever happens with taking this drug its in the arena of experience and will also just be witnessed by you awareness. Can it bring you to a point of recognition that you are what you are seeking? I don't know. Will it bring you a epiphany that will seal the deal for you? Again, I don't know, but I doubt it. Why do I doubt it? Because us humans are ignorant of our true nature do to a life time or many lifetimes of conditioning. As they say, ignorance is hard wired. It takes Self knowledge usually to get a clear understanding of the ontological order of things and then the actual recognition (Self realization) of you being the very thing you're seeking. Then you need to assimilate that knowledge.

My advice, don't do the drug, study Vedanta instead.

Shingworld.com is a great website for Westener's. You can read emails that are question and answer format, by Vedata teachers, that they list under a heading as Satsangs. Also, James Swartz and Ted Schmidt have youtube Satsang videos. I talk about them often, not because I have to, but because it works.

Nameste,

Dij
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Re: Feeling empty and blank

Postby bobdylanfan » Thu Oct 27, 2016 1:48 pm

Thanks again for the response, it's useful to have this feedback and knowledge available. Thanks for the Vedanta link although I find it a bit too absolute for my liking, maybe doesn't touch on the human everyday stuff that is also part of this life. Striking that balance seems important
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Re: Feeling empty and blank

Postby dijmart » Thu Oct 27, 2016 3:10 pm

bobdylanfan wrote:Thanks again for the response, it's useful to have this feedback and knowledge available. Thanks for the Vedanta link although I find it a bit too absolute for my liking, maybe doesn't touch on the human everyday stuff that is also part of this life. Striking that balance seems important


Your welcome! Vedanta does acknowledge the jiva/person. It exists, its just not ultimately real. You are awareness associated with the person. Yes, it "feels" like you are the person, but that because of a lifetime of conditioning, all the thoughts, feelings, emotions, ect that appear within you, awareness. Yes, business goes on as usual after Self knowledge, but you can flip from the awareness or person "channel" at will. But if it's not your cup of tea, then that's just what it is...
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