Only you know how you feel, but I'll give it a go and put my spin on it. Sounds like you got accustom to "experiential" epiphanies and enlightenment type experiences. These are helpful when they lead to deeper Self inquiry, but are a hindrance when one gets addicted to them. See they are do to the "subject" being you (the person) and the object being (awareness). Therefore, you Dirge feel like you have "gained" something you don't already have and since this experience has ended, there is something "missing". However, this is not how it really is.
Truth is that you are awareness and are the ever present, one and only, "subject" and Dirge is the "object", appearing in/to you, awareness. So, the glimpses of awareness you had, were probably a reflection of yourself, awareness within the subtle body. It gives the thought of limitlessness and elation to a certain degree but usually doesn't last, because it's experiential and all experiences come and go.
What you can "know" is your true "Self", as awareness, not by looking "at" it, pointing to it, but "being" it and actually seeing "from" this perspective. Awareness aware of itself.
You, as awareness, are very ordinary, full and complete, so ordinary that it's right in your view but goes unrecognized, because ignorance is "hard wired". Self knowledge is what you need, not more experiences.
Look to the websites I have in my signature for more info, if interested.
Take what you like and leave the rest.