teenage daughter sees me as detached

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)

teenage daughter sees me as detached

Postby greenabba » Mon Dec 19, 2016 5:39 pm

darn! just lost my original post! trying again but shorter..
My 19yo daughter going through rough times lately in her relationship (boyfriend). She tells me that I don't seem very caring. Which surprises me because that is not how I see myself. I think because I don't immediately cry at things she thinks are "cry-worthy" or don't lose my temper often that she feels that i am detached.
I feel that I am always there for my kids - to listen non-judgmentally, to comfort, to guide them, to give my honest opinion (if asked). I try to be in the state that, "i am ok with whatever happens" because what is done is done and it is no use obsessing over it. So i listen, give practical advice, if asked/warranted, and go from there.

Am I deceiving myself in my so-called "presence"?
greenabba
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2016 5:21 pm

Re: teenage daughter sees me as detached

Postby Rob X » Wed Dec 28, 2016 3:19 pm

greenabba wrote:darn! just lost my original post! trying again but shorter..
My 19yo daughter going through rough times lately in her relationship (boyfriend). She tells me that I don't seem very caring. Which surprises me because that is not how I see myself. I think because I don't immediately cry at things she thinks are "cry-worthy" or don't lose my temper often that she feels that i am detached.
I feel that I am always there for my kids - to listen non-judgmentally, to comfort, to guide them, to give my honest opinion (if asked). I try to be in the state that, "i am ok with whatever happens" because what is done is done and it is no use obsessing over it. So i listen, give practical advice, if asked/warranted, and go from there.

Am I deceiving myself in my so-called "presence"?


Sometimes around about that age there can be a bit of a tendency towards drama (in my experience with my three) and not getting drawn in might be interpreted as detachment. From what you've described here it sounds as if your approach is pretty much spot on.
User avatar
Rob X
 
Posts: 304
Joined: Wed Jan 08, 2014 6:37 pm

Re: teenage daughter sees me as detached

Postby jtightlips21 » Tue Jan 03, 2017 4:32 am

I think that is a tendency we all have, regardless of being a teenager(IMO though I am not sure 19 is a teen anymore, with being of college age). I remember three years ago before thanksgiving I quit a job due to conditions being so bad that I could not handle it. So I mailed my resignation letter and did not tell my family until the next time I had to go into work. So I eventually did tell them, because they wanted to do an early dinner and drop me off at work, and explained the situation. So I go into work, and the manager calls me in asking me to explain what happened, and I felt pretty crappy about quitting, after they let me be done early. My dad gave me a kind of cold "Serves you right" attitude when I explained how I felt after this. I remember being angry at him for not being helpful after what happened. But I can see how we can get overly dramatic when we are having a tough time and dont get as emotional as the other is. Just be honest, if you do not get emotional, and that it doesnt mean you dont care. I can vouch from personal experience that I dont get emotional at funerals, and can seem to be overly stoic. I remember a couple of years ago, when my Grandpa died of old age, the priest asked me to do the reading at the Funeral Home prayer service, and I could read in a very stoic way. That does not mean I dont care, or am happy about it. Then I remember how my Sister did a reading at the Funeral Mass, and could not get through reading the petitions without crying. Yet my uncle did the eulogy without getting emotional. I know that men do get less emotional than women, but I think thats fine too. Like My mom and my Maternal Grandma are not emotional types.
jtightlips21
 
Posts: 63
Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2015 2:28 am


Return to Questions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests