A discussion community revolving around Eckhart Tolle but not limited to him
Why do you think you get disrespected and bullied when others don't?
What brings you a measure of joy and/or happiness? Do you have fun when you're around others? And if so what is the nature of that fun?
mick31 wrote:I guess I look like a "easy target". I don't have many friends, I'm short for a male, and I'm an ethnic minority.
I don't find most people to be fun.
Webwanderer wrote:in the work place there are more mature standards. Not that it doesn't happen, but there are different dynamics. Could there be something in your demeanor, the way you speak and interact with others that attract the experiences you are having?
Living in a state of frequent appreciation is a life enhancing context that can cleanse a lifetime of negative concerns.
mick31 wrote:eah, Tolle wrote about a philosopher who said the secret to happiness is "I don't mind what happens".
However, what motivation is there to living? Why not just lie in bed and sleep for 10+ hours a day, if you "don't mind what happens"?
I don't criticize others or get aggressive towards them. The only thing about my demeanor that could possibly provoke anyone is being quiet and introverted and noncomformist pisses insecure people off so they need to tease, yell, and/or form a clique with everyone and exclude only me. I'm not an aggressive person.
I guarantee you Krishnamurti did not stay all day in bed.
What do they sense in you? What are you feeling in your quietude?
mick31 wrote:What do they sense in you? What are you feeling in your quietude?
Maybe they think I'm ignoring them, look down on them, and don't respect them? But that's not true. I just get the impression that they'll find me boring and not want to talk to me. Again, not sure why some assholes get so threatened by that that they need to tease me, yell at me, and exclude me from their cliques. I mean, they always have other people they can talk to instead
painBody wrote:Hey friend, my heart really goes out to you. I feel your pain. I've been bullied and alienated my whole life, by school/neighborhood kids, my own family, random strangers, coworkers, people in Meetup groups, etc. So, I want you to know that that's where my response is coming from.
As to the question of why people tend to pick on you, there's no easy answer, because you can't know how others think, but it stands to reason that they sense something in you ... a button that is ready to push somehow. This could mean that you are nice to others, which they may interpret as gullibility, or that they've discovered that you are very excitable, and they exploit that by bullying you to see the reaction that they want from you. An aggressive reaction from you will likely bolster their idea that bullying you is "fun", because it's like they have a remote control, they push a button, and they see you get angry. Your response adds more fuel to the fire, and the fire keeps blazing. But, what if you choose to cut off the fuel supply to the fire ? The bottom line is ... you cannot possibly know why others like to bully you, but realize that that is in their control. The only thing in your control is how you respond.
Now, in your post, you mentioned that "I just can't see why anyone would want to disrespect/bully me". This is part of the problem right here ! You are trying to figure out something that is ultimately irrelevant, because, as I mentioned, you cannot control others. Who cares why they bully you ? You are trying to attack this problem from an angle that is likely not going to solve anything. Who knows why people like to bully others ? Even if you knew why, are you then going to go "fix" those problems in the other people ? Can you ? Can they even fix their own problems ?
One analogy I like to think of in the context of bullying is ... think of a 5 yr old kid calling someone a "poopoohead". Would you take that child seriously ? That child simply doesn't know any better. He may have heard that word on TV or from another kid, and is simply echoing it. So, similarly, when your peers at work disrespect you ... they don't know any better ! They are echoing their conditioning, like puppets.
There is no shortcut or quick trick to counter bullying. It doesn't help to memorize something like "Don't react" or "Be assertive", because those solutions are superficial. But, once you realize how futile it is to resist others when they bully you, then, the solution will be obvious to you, and will come from a deeper place.
The point is ... you just don't need to take what they say seriously or personally. You need to realize that. Only from that realization can come an effective solution, which might be ... you smile and say, "Have a wonderful day." When you respond like that, the bully will probably feel like an idiot, because you didn't give him the satisfaction he wanted from you. Over time, bullies will realize the futility of picking on you. Additionally, if this happens at work, and HR gets involved, your butt will be covered, because you haven't done anything wrong. Remember, you cannot control others, only yourself.
Hope this helps.
mick31 wrote:Tolle says that the key is to be conscious when someone tries to disrespect/bully you, so that you can then see it's just a reflection of the other person's problem/painbody, so you can thus just forgive them. But I just can't see why anyone would want to disrespect/bully me.
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