Ego identification with the pain body

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Ego identification with the pain body

Postby Rogier » Wed Feb 15, 2017 11:00 pm

I feel I have closely identified with my emotional pain body for my entire life.
In other words I think I have made an unhappy self out of my pain body and made myself believe that this mind made fiction is who I am.

Tolle writes that the pain body's survival depends on my unconscious identification with it, as well as my unconscious fear of facing the pain that lives inside me.
I am conscious very of my identification with it when it happens but I can't quite understand what exactly this pain is that lives inside me, that pain that I must fear facing so much I would rather make myself miserable. Is it possible I am not conscious of the pain that lives inside me because the trauma that lies at the very root of it was inflicted on me during very early childhood. And if I am not conscious of this pain how can I ever bring the light of my consciousness into that pain?

I think in my case it has it's origin in growing up with parents completely incapable of empathy (narcissists). So the emotion I feel is probably similar to the primordial fear of abandonment. My mind then starts to generate a continuous stream of negative thoughts which then feed those very emotions which results in a feeling of unhappiness, hopelessness, that the world is an ugly place full of suffering.
Is this perhaps the exact pain I should bring my conscious attention into ?

Tolle also writes that unconscious fear of loosing that identity will create strong resistance to any disidentification from the pain body.
In other words that I would rather be in pain - be the pain body - than take a leap into the unkown and risk loosing the familiar unhappy self.

I understand what is written about the pain body and I am very aware of when it has taken control of me.
I can break free from it for only short periods of time and it always takes tremendous effort.
And when it has completely taken control of me I find it becomes nearly impossible.

Is it possible this is because of the strong resistance as written above ?

Tolle says that resistance will cease if I make it conscious. I feel completely stuck here as I feel I would embrace anything if only I could stop feeling the pain I feel. The absolute last thing I want to is to keep suffering as I am now. The absolute last thing I feel is pleasure in my suffering.
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Re: Ego identification with the pain body

Postby dijmart » Sat Feb 18, 2017 7:45 am

Hi Rogier,

I think I have made an unhappy self out of my pain body and made myself believe that this mind made fiction is who I am.


This is pretty much the way it is, until awakening begins and even then can be a long road to disidentify with the little "me" self. Not that it "goes" anywhere, you just realize it ain't you. However, with understanding your true nature, as awareness, the ego can go from an immature ego to a mature ego, that makes it easier to be associated with.

My take on the pain body is...don't worry about some entity called "the big scary pain body" that lives in you. NO! The way you deal with new or old pain that surfaces is, deal with it when it arises. Don't run from it in booze or distraction. Acknowledge it, feel it, see if it needs any resolution (is action required). It will resolve and not leave traces in the psyche if you do this...also, don't dwell on it. When it passes allow it to pass, don't ruminate on it. Don't start the negative self talk (ie. Why me, my life sucks, etc).

Is this perhaps the exact pain I should bring my conscious attention into ?


Perhaps, depending if you have recurring thought patterns regarding your childhood. I had a rough, somewhat abusive childhood and finally in my 30's had to let it go or it would have consumed me.

I let it go by consciously recreating the images and thoughts that would reappear at random unexpected times and forced my self to face it and bring my attention to it, feel the pain, until the mind knew that these events are long gone. The nightmare is over, no need to hang onto the "victim" mentality or the pain. It took several months, as this was years of trauma that needed released, but I can tell you. It does not reappear any longer or vary rarely. Just a memory.


I feel completely stuck here as I feel I would embrace anything if only I could stop feeling the pain I feel. The absolute last thing I want to is to keep suffering as I am now.


Yeah, I hear ya, suffering is a big drag! However, it is usually suffering that leads one to spirituality. If your lucky you find a teaching that resonates, even luckier if you understand it and can apply the teachings. The luckiest is the one that can take the wisdom from the teaching and come to realize that the one who is "apparently" suffering is consciousness (I call it awareness) under the spell of ignorance of it's true nature. Meaning you can assimilate the understanding of the teaching, when applied to the mind and disidentify, you (awareness) "from" the suffering ego. You can "see", "watch", "know" that you are separate and not the ego you once thought you were.

This does not, will not dissolve the ego, however the pychological aspect of the ego that torments and tortures will end, therefore suffering ends. Pain/pleasure will persists, it is part of life for the "person" in the apparent world, but you are awareness, not the apparent person.

Self inquiry will show you that this is true, see for yourself, but for now try to watch your thinking. See the gaps between thoughts. The gaps of silence is your true nature, which is the background, substratum of all of existence.

If your just starting out I suggest doing some research on Self inquiry and spend time daily doing it. I don't prescribe any one method, but will say there are many, but Self inquiry is to inquire into who you truly are and seeing this clearly. Which is called Self realization.

Dij
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