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Panic and terror about losing myself

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 3:36 pm
by RockyB
Ive been following eckharts teachings for some time. I suffer from panic attacks, and bad thinking about the past and suicidal thoughts. I had a bad experience tonight when I tried to bring awareness to myself and how miserable I was. As I did this more I realised the pain did start to subside...but then I experienced this urge of terror and panic as I felt like I was losing myself...like my self was dissappearing into a black hole and I wudent be able to get it back. I felt like i was going crazy...i was shivering intensely and kept thinking i was losing my mind. I had to call someone just to try and get a grip.

I feel like this awakening process is to scary for me as it makes me feel like im dissapearing and will lose myself. I already have a fear of losing control and by practicing awareness on my mind...it makes this fear and panic worse. Can anbody relate to this and want to avoid using awareness on the ego out of fear you will lose yourself?

Re: Panic and terror about losing myself

PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 4:42 pm
by Webwanderer
RockyB wrote:I feel like this awakening process is to scary for me as it makes me feel like im dissapearing and will lose myself. I already have a fear of losing control and by practicing awareness on my mind...it makes this fear and panic worse.

I suggest you set awakening aside if it brings you anxiety. Rather, focus on that which brings a sense of expansion. Look for, and pay close attention to, that expansive feeling as you go through your day. It may take just a little practice but it will pay big dividends. Things that are deeply enjoyable and fun are expansive. Focus on them. Thoughts that feel freeing and and peaceful are expansive. Focus on them too. Appreciation is very expansive. Rest in appreciation at every opportunity.

Creating such habits of attention will change your life experience in a very positive way. Don't look back, it only energizes that which brings you pain and that you are choosing to move on from. When old negatives do arise, be okay with it (no big deal unless you make it so) and return to your chosen way as soon as you can. Choose to make this your way of life over and over and over and it will be. You cannot fix the past, but you can and will create your future experience. What will you choose?

WW

Re: Panic and terror about losing myself

PostPosted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 9:22 am
by Mystic
In past meditations I have also felt that fear of disappearing completely. The fear came from my ego, which fears annihilation. It is the busy-body of the mind and it continually looks for things to keep the distractions going. There is a continual undercurrent of stress/resistance in the mind but the more you practice being in the present moment then there will be more gaps of clarity and peace because it will be gradually burned up by the flame of conscious awareness.

Re: Panic and terror about losing myself

PostPosted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 11:38 pm
by Learis
RockyB wrote:Ive been following eckharts teachings for some time. I suffer from panic attacks, and bad thinking about the past and suicidal thoughts. I had a bad experience tonight when I tried to bring awareness to myself and how miserable I was. As I did this more I realised the pain did start to subside...but then I experienced this urge of terror and panic as I felt like I was losing myself...like my self was dissappearing into a black hole and I wudent be able to get it back. I felt like i was going crazy...i was shivering intensely and kept thinking i was losing my mind. I had to call someone just to try and get a grip.

I feel like this awakening process is to scary for me as it makes me feel like im dissapearing and will lose myself. I already have a fear of losing control and by practicing awareness on my mind...it makes this fear and panic worse. Can anbody relate to this and want to avoid using awareness on the ego out of fear you will lose yourself?


Hmmm, I'm a little jealous lol. What you described sounds similar to what Eckhart experienced when he had his breakthrough. He teaches that you can never lose the true "you", and that what you were probably losing were all the thoughts and memories that you identified with (aka your ego, which prevents you from experiencing the true "you"). These are not "you". Take them all away and you're still "you".

But fear and terror are definitely no fun. I think the strategy however is to observe them. Eckhart teaches that a good practice for awareness is being aware of your thoughts/emotions/feelings. Don't judge them one way or the other, just observe the feelings and what the thoughts are that associate with them. By observing them, they may lose their power over you :) Good luck!

Re: Panic and terror about losing myself

PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2017 2:15 pm
by DavidB
We lose ourselves every time we sleep. We die every night as we enter dreamless sleep, and then the self effortlessly emerges again as we awaken again firstly into the dream state and then the waking state.

Re: Panic and terror about losing myself

PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:29 am
by turiya
Hi RockyB,

Here's a video that may be helpful:

https://www.eckharttollenow.com/s/5crpb5

Re: Panic and terror about losing myself

PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 2:06 pm
by afrodite95
I get that all the time. I disappear into black Ness then panic and snap out.

I'm ready to let go of all of this negative baggage