I'm Having Trouble With My Conversations

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
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jimjan
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I'm Having Trouble With My Conversations

Post by jimjan » Wed Apr 04, 2018 2:20 pm

In my life, I tend to become obsessed with beliefs or activities. At the beginning of 2018, I started meditating. This led to several self help books (Unf*ck Yourself, Mind-Hacking, The Untethered Soul and all theTolle I could get my hands on).

I'm so excited about all of this. I talk about it ALOT.

My question is: How do I respond to someone close to me going on and on about _______________ (fill in the blank with any "problem") without always referring to meditation, The Power of Now or mindfulness?

I suppose I know the answer is just for me to listen, stay in the moment and respond with "that must be difficult" or "what are you going to do about that?" So a better question is how do I let go of the persistent desire to help enlighten everyone in every single conversation I have?

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Re: I'm Having Trouble With My Conversations

Post by Sighclone » Wed Apr 04, 2018 7:44 pm

Meditation is immensely powerful. Effective meditation can begin to re-wire a brain so that obsessions fall away. And that experience can be utterly life-changing. Awakening happens also - usually years after a steady meditation practice or yoga or chanting, etc.

But simply the discovery of the power of meditation is huge...congratulations.

All that said, babbling away about something that is not experienced by another, even discoveries in music or cycling or math or philosophy is not conducive to connecting with that person or intimacy. So dial it way back. They will be looking hard at you for "big changes," and may add their own projections, guilt, shame, competitive discounts, etc. You can, however, gush here.. :) .

But it is not realistic to expect even someone who cares about you to have your experience and/or even understand it. Perhaps the best you can do is introduce them to Eckhart's books and tapes...

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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kiki
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Re: I'm Having Trouble With My Conversations

Post by kiki » Thu Apr 05, 2018 12:18 am

I learned years ago not to overtly push people in any way towards meditation or awakening because most people aren't ready for it and you'll only turn them off. To be like a religious evangelist in promoting meditation and awakening can be a huge turn off, so be careful. I learned that the hard way.

Each of us is on a unique journey, and when we are "ripe" enough we begin to seek out answers for why we feel that "something" is missing even if everything else is going well. These are the people we can be on the alert for, and then be open and share with them what has helped us.

So, it's not our job to "enlighten" those around us even if we want to because they have their own journey to follow. The most we can do is be present with them until our inner journeys run parallel paths. You can't force a flower to grow, but you can provide the right conditions for it to happen. Your "presence" is the soil, fertilizer, rain, and the sunshine that will best nourish others until they stumble onto presence for themselves. Once they do that you can be their guide.

If you do talk about this stuff be more covert and more sly in how you approach it, so this will take some patience and creativity on your part. Be sure the current situation of the other person is stable rather than being in some kind of turmoil or crisis mode. If they can start being present in ordinary situations they will eventually be able to transfer that into challenging situations later on. So avoid as much as possible in the early stages of conversation the usual sort of terminology associated with meditation and awakening.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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Re: I'm Having Trouble With My Conversations

Post by Webwanderer » Thu Apr 05, 2018 12:31 am

I couldn't agree more with Kiki's post. Well, maybe not the last paragraph. I can think of a ton of conversations I wish I never had in my enthusiasm. Such conversations, no matter how well intended, are usually more about us than those we would 'inspire'.

As to the last paragraph in Kiki's post, he's right of course, But it's more advanced course stuff. Until you can find the peace and stillness within yourself, the subtleties of the approach he describes will likely be difficult to grasp.

WW

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Re: I'm Having Trouble With My Conversations

Post by kiki » Thu Apr 05, 2018 12:57 am

I was a little reluctant to put that last paragraph in for that very reason - it can easily become more about us, and a backdoor entrance to feed the ego.
But it's more advanced course stuff. Until you can find the peace and stillness within yourself, the subtleties of the approach he describes will likely be difficult to grasp.
Exactly. Thanks, WW.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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jimjan
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Re: I'm Having Trouble With My Conversations

Post by jimjan » Thu Apr 05, 2018 6:17 am

Thanks for your replies. I look forward to sharing my experiences here.

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