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Jealousy and insecurity

Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2018 7:20 am
by Unburdened
I'm a female in a 2 year relationship with a wonderful male. I'm plagued by non-justified feelings of jealousy because of how insecure I am. My partner is now working with an attractive woman and he is in her company 10 or more hours a day. She is 20 years younger than me and I am feeling very very jealous. My partner has done nothing wrong. I'm trying to accept my feelings but it's virtually impossible to sustain the feeling of acceptance. It slips away quickly and the madness returns. Have others here been through similar experiences and got through the other side? I'm very seriously considering ending my relationship over what I know is a ridiculous reason.

Re: Jealousy and insecurity

Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2018 11:08 pm
by turiya
The cure for insecurity: "Discover in yourself what is truly secure. Invest your security, your happiness, and identity in that." -Rupert Spira

The Cure for Insecurity in Relationships - Rupert Spira:
Unburdened wrote:
Thu Sep 06, 2018 7:20 am
I'm trying to accept my feelings but it's virtually impossible to sustain the feeling of acceptance.
Here is another Rupert video about acceptance that might be helpful (particularly 2:39 through 4:22):

"Acceptance is a quality of Awareness, openness... total openness to experience as it is. It's in Awareness that you find acceptance, not in the mind." -Rupert Spira

Re: Jealousy and insecurity

Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2018 3:40 am
by Unburdened
Thank you, Turiya.

Re: Jealousy and insecurity

Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2018 2:01 pm
by Voyant
This podcast is interesting on the subject : ... nfidelity/

Re: Jealousy and insecurity

Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2018 4:46 am
by turiya
Thanks for asking the question, Unburdened. :)

Re: Jealousy and insecurity

Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:25 am
by sincerelymandypandy
I found ET’s podcast with Oprah on Chapter 7 of A New Earth to be very helpful when dealing with my own insecure or jealous compulsive thoughts. ET explains that in anything that happens there are three levels:
1. The situation
2. Your reaction
- mentally (your thoughts, ego)
- physically & emotionally (pain-body)
3. Your awareness of both levels 1 and 2

Here’s how I would try to use this model to find acceptance with your situation.
1. The situation
Your husband is working 10 hours a day and there is a beautiful woman who is 20 years younger also working at his office.
2. Your reaction
Mentally you might be thinking “my husband will develop feelings for her because I find her attractive, so he must find her attractive.” Then more dark thoughts like “if he develops feelings for her then he might leave me or cheat on me”.
Notice now that these negative thoughts trigger your pain-body. Pain-body is a negative vibrational field within your body, then when activated wants to feed in order to survive. You can learn more about the pain body in PON or ANE. So the negative energy field your pain-body is generating is causing your ego to generate more negative thoughts. Perhaps they go something like “I am not beautiful.” Or “I am going to get hurt.” Or “I will be abandoned.” Or “I am being deceived”.
Egoic thoughts are all about separation and pain. To the ego, pain is pleasure. So it becomes a loop. Negative thoughts activate the pain body, the pain body creates more negative emotions that causes more negative thought.
3. The Awareness
Then there is the awareness of both these levels. The awareness that you are not the reaction.

Try to tell yourself this:
There is the situation and there is my reaction. There is myself being the aware space for those two. I am not the reaction, but the awareness observing my ego’s behavior with no judgement, just pure awareness and observation. I am aware of the situation that my husband is working 10 hours a day and there is a woman who is objectively attractive also working in the same office. I am also aware of my reaction mentally being egoic behavior and my reaction physically and emotionally being pain-body. I am aware that my pain-body is activated.”
But don’t judge it. As hard as it sounds, don’t resist it. Let that awareness be as it must in this moment. Nonjudgment. Nonresistance. Nonattachment.

What you may find, as I find when I practice these levels, is that some thing or some event triggers the insecurity and compulsive thinking again. But that’s just the event/situation, the reaction of the ego and pain body, and the awareness of both levels.

Being the awareness literally widens a previously limited perspective. Slowly, you come to see that it is the ego which fears the things it reacts so strongly against. For me, my ego fears abandonment and deception. It can latch onto any thought that might mean “he’s going to abandon you!” Or “he’s deceiving you!”. The ego instaneously creates a story line from the thought to its destruction! In your case, your ego takes the thought “oh he’s working a long day and there’s an attractive woman also in his office” to “he will leave me (physically and emotionally) for her”. That’s the ego’s behavior, not you. But don’t judge it, because that’s personalizing it. Your ego and my ego are just part of the collective conditioned mind patterns that all of humanity suffers. But awareness immediately dissolves it and takes away its power.

I don’t know any other context to your relationship, but if you still love your husband and know in your heart that he loves you, try to come to acceptance before making a decision to leave so you know it’s from a place of peace instead of fear. Movies and TV contribute to a lot of the stories we tell in our head, but they don’t know the half of real life. If you try to put yourself in his shoes, and wonder how he is feeling about having to work 10 hours a day, you might see a whole entirely different perspective. If he’s a hard worker and enjoys his work, then that’s what he is doing. If you’ve visited him at work and met his colleagues, then you know what they are doing. The office is a professional place. People are there to be paid for every minute they are there. Maybe the woman has a boyfriend. Or maybe she is way out of your husband’s league. Maybe your husband is still in love with you and works hard so you guys can share and create a beautiful life together. When you feel more confident that these thoughts are seasonal, talk to your husband about the way you feel. Communication, honesty, and trust is the bedrock to every relationship.

ET says that true love is simply Being with the other person, not wanting anything from them, just wanting the moment to be exactly as it is. When you give that kind of love to your husband, you will recognize him for who he is, which is Being, and he will feel that true love and your conscious presence. He will reside in it. That is his home.

One last thing, your husband believes you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, the evidence is - he married you! But what’s more important is you keep on Being (who you are), and you will allow that essence to shine through to become something much more than “beautiful” or any other words can describe. Beauty is truth, truth beauty.