Adya's tape on recovering from the belief of unworthiness is splendid - I think I put a link in an earlier post.
Byron Katie's "the Work" is an excellent cognitive tool to dismiss old stuff, as is The Sedona Method. (ref "How do I just drop this?")
Yes, some psychotherapists perpetuate anxiety, others, however are much more understanding - "The Sacred Mirror" and "Listening from the Heart of Silence" (both J. Prendergast, ed.) and "Towards a Psychology of Awakening" (John Welwood) are primers for better approaches. Prendergast's latest book "In Touch" is splendid, also. Adya will frequently send people with serious mental disorders to counselors, rather than work with them on spiritual development. He just doesn't have the bandwidth to do both.
Tim Freke is a strong resource, too. I've just finished his latest book "Soul Story," which is a far-ranging philosophy book actually covering the origin of the universe and the nature of time in a creative way. But towards the end he discusses the ego and reminds us that it is related to our personality (the collection of our personas.) And he says that it is not really the bogeyman, after all. His point is that it is a useful auto-mask for human interactions, and will remain in some form after awakening. Moreover "hating yourself" is not the route to awakening. He also talks about re-integration. ATC - this is a must read for you - it is new and radical and you might shake your head at points, but grind through it. It is inspiring for true seekers like you.
This is huge progress in the face of a deep old story of identity. Fundamentally there are two paths to awakening, jnani (the way of knowing) and bhakti (the way of feeling.) I am a jnani, but Amoda Maa in "Embodied Enlightenment" is a bhakti teacher and splendid. Video interviews with most of our popular spiritual teachers (except Eckhart$%^%) at batgap.com are wonderful. Rick Archer is a friend.Then I started noticing that I believed my feelings. It was a closed circuit TV. I felt it and therefore I believed it. Underlying it all was a major belief that my feelings are me. I then saw the same problems not just in me but in my friends as well when they get "too emotional." I made a conscientious effort to disidentify from my feelings. Allow, witness (see through), but disidentify. I still have resistance for sure, and will continue to untie the belief structures underpinning them. But it massively helped. I now see it as a way for me to practice acceptance and a way for me to know that I am still attached to an identity.
Yes, acceptance is conquering, perhaps "rejection is not the path to conquering" is an equally useful thought.
You will succeed. Your success moment may be subtle, but it will come, and it will be a non-mental event which will make it so convincing...perhaps "trans-mental" is a better phrase. There will be no loss of memories, but there will be a recognition that their Velcro, their capacity to hook you has been transmuted. I encourage you to read other writers, to attend a SAND conference if you can.
Thanks for joining!