"Untrue"/Painful interaction with partner and close friends

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
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Sleef
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2018 12:13 am

"Untrue"/Painful interaction with partner and close friends

Post by Sleef » Sat Sep 29, 2018 1:47 am

While surfing through the threads I couldn't quite find what I'm looking for. :)
Like many others in the forum I do (carefully) share my insights and spiritual thoughts with others.
Luckily my partner is open and interested as well even if not as much as I am "digging" it, hehe. I was smart enough not to push anything onto others and not to let my ego take over and give others spiritual advice. It's easy to get carried away by the excitement.

I realize though I really only have theoretical knowledge myself. BUT.... I am having issues with nonverbal feedback I believe I am perceiving while practicing presence. Once I focus myself on being present (without any pressure) I do become slower in my speech, doing and reactions to a question from someone for example. I remember Eckart talking about this before. Being alert makes me more serious and quieter. I carefully listen to every word someone says. And I am less funny as there is no capacity while all my senses are taking in all the information and wonder.

That doesn't fly very well with others is my observation. Somehow I get the feeling that I am being a provocation to the person next to me. Or even awaken their pain body. I also feel that they get bored by me and that gets confirmed once I "let go" of being present and return to my "people personality" in which I am able to be more responsive :) It seems the other person is almost relieved . She is back to normal again.. ! I feel like I am being phony then. This perception (or fact) disturbs me and makes me insecure in my practice. It makes me want to enjoy much more solitude as possible and stay away from others that seemingly have such a major impact on me. Which is not a solution either I realize.

Being present is not effortless for me and I go through the same frustrations and impatience as others. Though even if there is no absolute bliss I do enjoy it very much though. The "reactions" of others, such as my inner counter reactions create such an immense build up of tension that if I kept it up it were like forcing something that is not real. It feels like I can't be myself because not excepted then. This is the mind I guess. I must admit that I have never announced to anyone that I am trying to be in the now, just now. Maybe that would help clarify.

Has anyone had similar experiences maybe with loved ones or even strangers? Is my mind playing games on me? It's solely my own issue supposedly? In these moments of dread I was hoping to come up with a helpful thought/ response or action that comes from a deeper place and brings some resolution. So far not.

This has been very helpful already writing these thoughts down. I am looking forward to any responses.
Thank You

randomguy
Posts: 942
Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 1:00 am

Re: "Untrue"/Painful interaction with partner and close friends

Post by randomguy » Thu Nov 08, 2018 1:28 pm

Hi Sleef.

I enjoyed your post. I love how writing stuff out does most of the sorting.

I'll just share a short anecdote from my experience. One time my wife was really mad at me. I thought I would tune up the 'presence' in the interaction. She said, "Oh, I see. You are trying to be spiritual." Ha ha there is no escaping the humanity is there?

I considered what you said to 'announce' trying to be in the now. I never did that. I wonder has anyone ever taken that to an extreme and thrown a coming out party for being in the now? That might be silly. Especially since the now is all there is. No trying required even.

Best,
Randomguy
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho

Sleef
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2018 12:13 am

Re: "Untrue"/Painful interaction with partner and close friends

Post by Sleef » Sat Nov 10, 2018 11:22 pm

Hi randomguy,

Thanks for sharing your anecdote. I got a
Good laugh out of it! 👍🏽

Cheers

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