Being present while living with unconscious parents

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
Post Reply
flowisfreedom
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2018 3:29 pm

Being present while living with unconscious parents

Post by flowisfreedom » Tue Nov 06, 2018 11:19 pm

  • Hi everyone,
    I am living with my parents, both narcissistic and the more I stay the more seem I am going back in the past. I can not even meditate while being in this house and I would really like to be more present and conscious and try to accept the situation that I am in here for now.
    I remember Eckhart Tolle quoting Ram Dass saying that if you think you are enlightened go and pass a week with your parents, which can let imagine that is nothing close to easy; then reading the Presence Process of M.Brown he says that we don't need to waste energy changing place while working with our difficult emotions.
    What is your perspective in this situation? Is it my mind saying that is difficult or it actually really is?
    Anyone has similar experience?

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6483
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Being present while living with unconscious parents

Post by Webwanderer » Thu Nov 08, 2018 11:43 pm

flowisfreedom wrote:
Tue Nov 06, 2018 11:19 pm
What is your perspective in this situation? Is it my mind saying that is difficult or it actually really is?
Likely a little of each. If you're living in a situation that is difficult and challenges you to stay clear and present, the fact that you recognize it is your mind telling you it's so. In my world view we choose our parents for a reason. We don't have to know what that reason is to make the best of it.

As I look at my own parents, I wonder what in the world I was thinking. Much of my life has been a total mess because of the environment I grew up in. By any human standards, they weren't very good parents. To better understand, a perspective beyond human standards is quite valuable.

Assumptions about life are made based on the information available, even though those assumptions are from the mind of an infant and child. They still set the stage for a lifetime. So If I chose them from a greater consciousness perspective pre-birth, I had to know pretty much what was going to happen to my psyche.

So rather than judge and blame them now that I have taken a larger view, I ask 'how can I use this experience to become a better, more aware, person?' It's not just about getting out of difficult circumstances. It's more about what we do with our understanding of those circumstances.

WW

flowisfreedom
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2018 3:29 pm

Re: Being present while living with unconscious parents

Post by flowisfreedom » Fri Nov 09, 2018 2:21 am

Thank you for your answer WW.
I used to think that as well, at the end, if not for that difficult situations we were not here and we were not experiencing what I did and hope you still do but we'll, sometimes in difficult moments is not easy to believe and accept that those are my parents (is it my resistance speaking?!).
As I look at my own parents, I wonder what in the world I was thinking. Much of my life has been a total mess because of the environment I grew up in. By any human standards, they weren't very good parents. To better understand, a perspective beyond human standards is quite valuable.
I completely understand what you feel, my parents are completely unable to love and feel emotions if not anger or envy, for sure not the best place for a child. And yes, when we grow up we pay the consequence of that.
So rather than judge and blame them now that I have taken a larger view, I ask 'how can I use this experience to become a better, more aware, person?' It's not just about getting out of difficult circumstances. It's more about what we do with our understanding of those circumstances.
Yes, this is a good point. Maybe what I am trying to do is not make them hurt me again and this just prevent me to be in contact with my emotions, that at the end make me human.

flowisfreedom
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2018 3:29 pm

Re: Being present while living with unconscious parents

Post by flowisfreedom » Fri Nov 09, 2018 2:39 am

Thank you for your reply WW. I think I am believing thought as "I can't be present here" and also not accepting my emotions because they don't. It is not easy to believe that my parents never really accepted me.
In my world view we choose our parents for a reason. We don't have to know what that reason is to make the best of it.
I used to believe the same but now that I see all this message is not easy anymore and to be honest, I am in a period of my life where I am doubting everything. At the end, without difficult parents and so difficult situations in our life we were not experiencing what I did and hope you still do as living in presence.
As I look at my own parents, I wonder what in the world I was thinking. Much of my life has been a total mess because of the environment I grew up in. By any human standards, they weren't very good parents. To better understand, a perspective beyond human standards is quite valuable.
I completely understand what you feel. Do you still suffer for it? My parents are closer to a robot that a human being, for sure not the best place for a child to born and grow up but this is what it is at the end. But living with them is just a constant challenge, not sure if this is what I need now.
It's not just about getting out of difficult circumstances. It's more about what we do with our understanding of those circumstances.
Thank you for this. It make me realise that what I am doing is actually try to not be hurt by them again and this is making me inhuman too and just repress all my emotions. When I was letting my emotions be it ends they shouting at me for not feeling "good" and they just did thing I never expected from them or better, from the image I had of them.

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6483
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Being present while living with unconscious parents

Post by Webwanderer » Fri Nov 09, 2018 5:18 pm

flowisfreedom wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 2:39 am
Do you still suffer for it?
I'm not a fan of the word suffer as I consider how it applies to my personal experience. When does suffering occur? When we are unconscious and acting in unconscious ways, creating painful experience for others? In other words is unconsciousness itself a form of suffering in that we are separated from the clarity that leads to love and harmony? While we may be having a good ole time at the moment, we live a significantly contracted life of self-interest and exploitation of available circumstances?

Or is the suffering the result of waking up and realizing the consequences of our actions and knowing we are powerless to change the past? Or is it the still lingering effects of the same self-programing of the assumptions about life and relationships that while recognized still hold sway to a too large degree?

Maybe it's all suffering of one type or another and that is why many wise ones claim that life is about suffering.

Of course this is just one perspective and an important exploration in its own right. The other side is the freedom that eventually comes to experience when we can recognize that it's all for a larger purpose in service to the evolution of Consciousness and the expansion of Being. To the degree that one can be inclusive of any and all life experience, without becoming judgmental toward self or others, we do the work we come here to do. As so many have stated in the past, both religious and spiritual, our reward resides in Heaven.

Don't get too caught up in the word Heaven, as I don't subscribe to it by its long applied conventional definition. It's not so much a place for me, but a quality of consciousness that far transcends the ability of the human brain and mind to embody. That's another topic however.

Thank you for this. It make me realise that what I am doing is actually try to not be hurt by them again and this is making me inhuman too and just repress all my emotions.
I would suggest that you see your emotions as your dearest friend who is often brutally honest with you. Emotions don't lie. Unfortunately the mind often does in its misinterpretation of what emotions are telling us. Emotions, at their most fundamental level, are a measure of our alignment (or lack thereof) with our Greater Being - which is unconditionally loving and never condemns its own extensions into the human experience. Trusting that our emotions are always speaking in our own best interest is the path to discovering their message and value.

The more clearly inclusive and honestly appreciative of the events and conditions of our lives we are, the more our emotions tend to be joyful experiences. Revelation and understanding are fundamentally good things. They are often positive life changing opportunities. Understanding our emotions leads us to the revelation that fosters the change/growth we all seek.

WW

Post Reply