Here I Am

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
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Lkinsey10s
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Here I Am

Post by Lkinsey10s » Wed Nov 14, 2018 7:32 am

Perhaps the "mind" has crept back in trying to explain what all has occurred and now I find myself asking more questions.

First, background. I'm longwinded, an old habit I suppose....

The life story consisted mostly of isolation, rejection, disappointment, emotional shutdown, and excessive thinking. Most people would say- "wow, I wish I had your brain!", and an inner voice would immediately respond "want to trade?"
So, connections became deeper and several years ago, mostly after periods of intense suffering or depression, there became the realization and existence briefly into the state as what some might refer to as the "5th dimension" (I just learned this term very recently). The only reason suicide never became active was this realization tucked deeply away.
But of course, the depression intensified as the search intensified. And yes, the external experiences became more wild. To the point I got tired of sharing near death experiences.

Then, as life could not get anymore interesting, I found myself at the height of what one might call passive suicide. 5 days ago- Sitting on a motorcycle, between two villages in southern mexico, drunk and stoned (something I had never done before and what later connected was the fear that drove me in to mind at a young age), I pull off on the side of the road and asked myself a series of questions "what am I doing here?"... "is it me, or is something else". At this very moment, you could say the sense of self died and perception switched to "eyes in the sky", most notably 10 feet or so above the back of the head. A witnessing occurred, as the body drove slowly to the hotel, calmly brushed its teeth, and went calmy to bed.
The next day "I" noticed a shift. Instead of trying to be in control, the witnessing continued as the body did everything necessary to continue the journey, effortlessly driving 3 hours to another village, famous now for the birthplace of mushrooms (something else I had never done). The witnessing continued through the next few days to include an intense mushroom trip. But while on "the trip", the witnessing continued and it watched the body go into periods of hallucination, contemplation, and laughter, but with no real attachment. There was a constant awareness that it was merely "a trip".
About a day later I decided to share with a friend the dramatic internal shifts that were occurring. Sitting on the park bench with him, i got to the part of the story with the motorcycle. Hesitation and then the though thought... "I died". The body looked up, began to vibrate intensely, burst in to tears and the following thoughts to enter the head were "they picked this goofy looking guy", touching a tree and saying "what a great idea, oxygen!" Everything morphed in to one. Every experience in life, every feeling, every thought, every sufferring, every person, moment, it all made complete sense. Intermittently I reminded my friend that the third party perspective was still there. This went on for hours and hours. Everything was in its place. Heaven.
I called my girlfriend, and kept repeating on the phone "i died". As soon as I had said it, she drove up on a car wreck. This is one of many examples of course. Signs unfolded infinitely.

The next day I walked around a big mayan site hugging people. Every young child seemed to stare and we would lock eyes. Animals would surround. People would gravitate. I mustve hugged 20 people, some cried.
I was now in a group and we reentered the city. Presence continued but slightly faded. The watcher, camera, whatever you may call, faded in intensity and the body began to yawn repeatedly. The awareness of the inner body also slightly faded around the same time. The continual effort put in to this "awareness" seemed FORCED. Of course, the mind and its connections were still in intense overdrive, giving messages like "be patient, more is to come", "nothing has changed" and "go back to the source". Went to bed early that night.

For the following two days, the watcher remains, but forever fading, becoming almost a memory. 40 hours of intense vomitting, diahrrea, the motorbike was hotwired and stolen, bought a flight, missed a flight because of a document, just more additions to a seeminly "sad story". There have been periods of intense laughter watching this all go down, and of course, periods of excessive thought.

As "i" write "story" from the airport, the witness remains, but its fading, and rapidly.
And of course this body wont take the life, but the thoughts slip in easily. It appears the ego is giving a fight one could not have imagined.
It's just a matter of letting it all play out, as it should.

For those reading, any wisdom or comments, we're listening!

With all the love this moment will bring,
Landon

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Re: Here I Am

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Nov 14, 2018 5:08 pm

A transitional experience. One that will set the foundation for the rest of your life. Many of us here have had our own such experiences. Mine began over forty years ago. From its beginning it came in stages over many years, not so dissimilar from the one you describe. Different in detail of course, but not so much in substance. Deeply moving experiences followed by consciousness plateaus as insight was integrated into perspective, to be followed by yet another surge in expanded consciousness. The side effect is that established concerns from earlier life gave way to new challenges as life became more isolated from friendships that no longer made any sense.

One part of me would not wish it upon anyone. Another realizes it's the essence of consciousness evolution and spiritual growth, so what could be more relevant? When that next step's time has come, when consciousness is sufficiently prepared, a surge in evolution happens. Hang in there. It's life's purpose unfolding within you.

Welcome to the forum.

WW

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Re: Here I Am

Post by Sighclone » Wed Nov 14, 2018 6:40 pm

Welcome to the forum, Landon. The Witness is a common experience on the path/no path. But identifying with/as the Witness is a trap. Witnessing is the best way to describe the new Source/Presence perspective on the egoic self when it first arises. Do not be dismayed if it seems to fade - what is fading is the newness. Sorry about your motorcycle!

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

Lkinsey10s
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Re: Here I Am

Post by Lkinsey10s » Sat Nov 17, 2018 6:29 pm

Thank you for having me! It's wonderful to be here.

I read both your comments a few days ago and have watched with them in the back of mind. Could not be more true!
The "newness" has worn off, as there is a re-familiarization with the world. The "camera" has all but disappeared. ego has found its way back in to aspects of life. I notice it creeping back in weird ways, but one could say its much easier to catch, and soon following, stillness.

Landon

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Re: Here I Am

Post by Webwanderer » Sat Nov 17, 2018 8:26 pm

Lkinsey10s wrote:
Sat Nov 17, 2018 6:29 pm
ego has found its way back in to aspects of life.
Not surprising. Quite natural actually. No need to make ego and enemy, no more than you would see your car as one simply because it requires occasional maintenance or it will give you trouble from time to time. The main thing is to know it for what it is, and that it is not the essence of you. It's just a thought construct through which you interact with this human life experience. It's all good.

WW

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Re: Here I Am

Post by Sighclone » Mon Nov 19, 2018 6:52 pm

Great discoveries, Lk!

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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