My partner smokes cigarettes and I can’t let it go

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Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2019 12:22 pm

My partner smokes cigarettes and I can’t let it go

Post by SkyandStars » Sun Jan 27, 2019 12:29 pm

My wonderful partner is the reason I started reading Ekhart Tolle. We have had many wonderful conversations about his teachings and new awarenesses in ourselves. However there’s one thing I’m stuck on -
My partner recently started smoking cigarettes again - starting with one a day now up to 3+ a day, and it is upsetting me quite a lot. I’m worried for his health and for his addiction and I am very averse to cigarettes because of people I know having lung cancer in the past.
I have brought this up with him but he says I need to not let it affect me because it’s his decision and me not liking it doesn’t help and just makes him feel shame.
I have tried many times to let it go, but I don’t think I can - and it is something that is affecting me negatively as well. Does anyone have any suggestions or connections or reactions? I’d appreciate anything you have.

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Re: My partner smokes cigarettes and I can’t let it go

Post by Webwanderer » Sun Jan 27, 2019 3:49 pm

Hello Sky. Welcome to the forum. Below is a quote Sighclone wrote just recently in another thread. With any challenging situation you have to start with this as a clear understanding.

"Eckhart says there are three ways to deal with challenges like this: accept the situation, change the situation or leave the situation. Accepting may be hard, changing may be hard, leaving may be hard. But not accepting, not changing and not leaving is a recipe for suffering. You will have to pick one alternative. I have compassion for your difficulty."

No one can know the depth in which this matter distresses you. So explore each of these options and feel out what feels best for you. I know there is much to consider in each of these options and how it may unfold in your life. So try to be at peace as you explore the possibilities and your feelings on them.


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