I make myself crazy, can't stop thinking about something.

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LeonNoble
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I make myself crazy, can't stop thinking about something.

Post by LeonNoble » Wed Apr 03, 2019 4:12 pm

Hello everybody,
I've been wondering long time whether to write down my question about my case or just leave it and wait until someone asks this question. After couple months I decided to write my thoughts.

Since 5 years I am struggling with something, which actually I even still don't know what the thing is. In some days I am completely free from thoughts, I don't identify myself with my mind and thoughts, but in some days my mind actually makes me crazy. I will try to describe shortly, but effectively what is that.

Actually everything is about that I am creating some irrational and imaginary things about my relationship and about me. If something happen, my mind is all the time judging the situation. Whether it's a good thing or bad, it's non stop judging it. I feel sometimes like in my mind is sitting some little person who acts like my perfect self and it's very severe for me. It's criticizing me and telling me what should I do or not. The worst thing is that I can't stop this little man to control me. Nowadays it's not such a bad thing, because couple years ago I believed him and I was so stressed almost whole time, because my mind was projecting something like 'perfect scenario' and was telling what should I do or not to be perfect. I felt like I was judging all the time and by everyone, I couldn't be myself, because I didn't feel like it would be that perfect behave. (I hope you understand, what I am trying to describe 😅)

I was alone with this, sometimes I felt like I was depressed, because nothing made me happy. I tried to talk with somebody about this. After conversation I even felt ok. I was calmly and relaxed, because I could say something loud and realize that what my mind projects just some not true reality. I was rationalizing it.

I watched many videos, read many articles about how to stop think, how to be present and how to stop identify with my mind. And I had a big step forward, because I realized after couple years that everything what my mind creates is just an illusion and it's not true. Sometimes I am conscious about the things which my mind creates and I am calmly. I know that it's not true and I allow my thoughts to come and go. But sometimes I get very stuck in my head. I start to believe them and I make myself crazy. The worst thing is that I am all the time concious that it's not real, but even that sometimes doesn't help me. I feel sometimes that I care to much about small things like what do I have to say, how do I have to act and etc. It makes me uncomfortable, because I don't feel free.

Most thoughts are about me and my relationship. It's important for me to have a good relations with my girlfriend. I judge myself about what I am and what I am not. What should I do and what I shouldn't. How should I do that and how I shouldn't. What does she think about some situation and what (in my mind's opinion) she thinks about me. Sometimes I forget about it and I live the life how do I want and how truly I am. I feel like I have this 'space' between me and my mind and sometimes I forget it and then it's ok. But in the moment when I remind myself about judging I'm sad, stressed and nervous.

Basically, I am very happy and positive person, I am developing myself and I want to achieve a high goals. But sometimes I feel like my mind doesn't want me to feel that everything is ok and to feel that I don't have anything to worry about. I very often try to stop my mind thinking and it makes me feel like I am inside my head, not outside. But as I mentioned before, sometimes these thoughts seems so real for me.

I've been meditating for a long time. It helped me, but not fully. I felt better after meditation, but I felt like I am running of my problems as well. Sometimes I have a feeling of 'I really have to think about this" and I can't stop thinking about something. It's like my mind is creating a problem, which doesn't exist, but I have inner fight whether do I have to think about this or not.

To be honest, that thing about judging and creating irrational reality is not like my opponent. I am not fighting with it all the time. It is sometimes very uncomfortable to have this inner dialog almost whole time about what I should do or not. I'm not myself then. I'm not the type of guy who is worry often, but my mind is like 'Think about it'.

My question is: how to get rid of this kind of thing? This inner dialog, inner criticism, inner judging. And at the moments when I am very stuck in my head how to make the step out from it. How to find that inner peace, which won't be disturbed by any bad or good scenarios.

My apologies for such a long post, but I tried to build something understandable from my thoughts and describe you well what is that all about.


Thanks a lot in advance! :)

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turiya
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Re: I make myself crazy, can't stop thinking about something.

Post by turiya » Thu Apr 04, 2019 10:59 pm

LeonNoble wrote:
Wed Apr 03, 2019 4:12 pm
My question is: how to get rid of this kind of thing? This inner dialog, inner criticism, inner judging. And at the moments when I am very stuck in my head how to make the step out from it. How to find that inner peace, which won't be disturbed by any bad or good scenarios.
You get rid of it by not trying to get rid of it. :wink:

Or, more accurately: it naturally subsides when you just see it (be aware of it) for what it is and leave it alone.

Trying to get rid of the dialog, criticism, judging, etc = the Mind trying to get rid of the Mind (which is impossible).

When you are stuck in your head, there's nothing you can do... until you become aware that you're stuck in your head. This Awareness is the step out of the Mind. (Yet, Mind can easily suck you in again with stuff like, "Now what?", "How do I get rid of...?", "Yes, there's Awareness... but... who, what, when, where, why, how???" :lol: )

Peace comes from being aware of this undisturbable Awareness. It's the knowing-feeling that It = You.

A good Alan Watts video:

https://youtu.be/Cm_OZgjXhVs
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei

LeonNoble
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Re: I make myself crazy, can't stop thinking about something.

Post by LeonNoble » Sat Apr 06, 2019 12:47 pm

You get the right point!
I realized couple days ago, that when I try to get rid of these thoughts my mind create them more. As long as I am trying to get rid of them they become bigger and bigger.

I was all the time stuck, because I made a resistance to them. Now I allow the thoughts to grow and then after while I even forget about them. It is so releasing to let the thoughts go.

Thank you so much for the answer. Now I truly understand what Eckhart Tolle means by saying 'You can allow the thoughts arise and then back to the present, which means your priority is no longer to follow the thought where it wants to take you.

This forum is a goldmine!! :D :D

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kiki
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Re: I make myself crazy, can't stop thinking about something.

Post by kiki » Sun Apr 07, 2019 12:05 am

I like to use the following analogy for using effort to "wake up", but it also applies to trying to get rid of thoughts: Trying to wake up is like standing on a board and trying to lift yourself in the air. It doesn't work because the one who makes the effort (egoic identity/little me) is the very thing that prevents the realization of one's true nature, consciousness.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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DavidB
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Re: I make myself crazy, can't stop thinking about something.

Post by DavidB » Fri Apr 19, 2019 1:26 pm

My question is: how to get rid of this kind of thing? This inner dialog, inner criticism, inner judging. And at the moments when I am very stuck in my head how to make the step out from it. How to find that inner peace, which won't be disturbed by any bad or good scenarios.
You can't get rid of it.

It dissipates and resolves on it's own through surrender/acceptance. This does not happen overnight, it takes time and patience. Being conscious of your thoughts/feelings and intentions is a great start. The automatic negative thinking transforms as your relationship with it evolves, as awakening is often a slow process which evolves over time as we gain insight, understanding and wisdom.

The pain body becomes a valuable ally on our path to transformation. The pain and suffering are those parts of you that are most in need of love and acceptance.

As for chronic physical pain and fatigue, this can quite often be nutritional deficiencies.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

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