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Re: Consciousness

Posted: Sat May 11, 2019 12:03 am
by SamiT
Mmmm that’s a very good question.

Okay I remember when I collapsed I tried to move my legs and arms and I couldn’t it was that feeling of being out of control of my own body. I don’t know why I have the fear of a heart attack, nothing was wrong with my heart. I’m not scared of dying i don’t think, apart from the fear of leaving my daughter alone. I think it’s more a feeling of being out of control of my body, that’s why I’m very hyper vigilant around any bodily sensation and it sends me running to the hospital and tend to self diagnose however everything my mind has told me over the years aka this is a heart attack has been false. It’s like my mind is trying to help me by warning me of all these physical sensations however it’s being more of a hindrance than a help. In fact it’s ruining my time here.
I think I heard Eckhart say once that if there was a real emergency the mind would stop as you don’t have time to think.

Re: Consciousness

Posted: Sat May 11, 2019 2:42 am
by Webwanderer
SamiT wrote:
Sat May 11, 2019 12:03 am
I don’t know why I have the fear of a heart attack, nothing was wrong with my heart. I’m not scared of dying i don’t think, apart from the fear of leaving my daughter alone. I think it’s more a feeling of being out of control of my body,
These underlined areas are worth further exploration. See if you can find more clarity on these considerations. Especially the fear of being out of control of your body. Fear of being out of control, in one way or another, is fairly common. Many people have this fear in one way or another. We all have to deal with it.

Do you know why your collapse caused you to lose control of your arms and legs? Was it the falling, or the alcohol? Knowing what caused the problem in the first place may give you insight on how to avoid similar circumstances in the future. If it were me, and I was subject to losing control due to alcohol or something else, I would put my attention there and avoid those catalysts, if for nothing else, the sake of my daughter.

Exploring further: The fear you feel holds the answers you seek. I suggest you find a time for an inquiring meditation. Start by getting quiet of mind, then take several deep breaths (5 to 10, repeating occasionally during your session), relax, and feel into the fear of a couple of your past episodes. Do this when you're feeling okay, so there is nothing present to concern you. This is specifically an exploration that you're seeking revelation and insight from. Use the memories of these past events to unravel the source of your deeper concerns.

Get your mindset in a focus that brings results. Make this a spiritual quest, and ask for guidance from the Source of your being. Know that you are truly worthy of help. You are. Be genuine in your asking. (You already seem good at that.) That genuineness, that honesty, will align you with your Greater Nature. Look for feeling insight. The words to define things for the mind generally come a bit later. In other words it's not so much a logical answer, but a feeling or wordless recognition of clarity on what concerns you is what matters most.

When in the quiet of your mind, hold a wordless desire to find a solution. Give it a half hour or more at least three nights/days running. Re-read these instructions a couple of times and at least once before each meditation. Do not judge the the experience. That's what the ego does. Simply appreciate the deeper, clearer sense of being that you feel - whatever that is.

WW

Re: Consciousness

Posted: Sat May 11, 2019 1:10 pm
by SamiT
Thanks WW.

The reason which causes my body to be out of control, I.e not being physically able to move was because I took some tablets to help me sleep because I had been up drinking, the combination of the same caused me to overdose and I went unconscious. The last conscious memory I have is I was on the floor trying to move and I could not, everything then went black.

I am in recovery and have not drank alcohol for nearly 6 years. I absolutely despised the person I had become.

I don't want to be that addicted person, I don't want to be that anxious around my health everyday that it is causing me not to have any sort of life worth living now. I want to enjoy my time with my daughter my parents my family and friends. I no longer want to exist in fear any longer. I want to be love light peace and happiness. I want to be a blessing to my beautiful daughter.

It's hard to not think of the Ego as an enemy, I know to some degree we need thinking to operate in this world. It seems the voice in my head is always fearful.

For example, I get chest pain, the voice in my head tells me to quickly get to the hospital, your having a heart attack, I follow its advice I go, I get told I'm 34 with no risk factors and it's muscular. The voice in my head which told me to go in the first place then condemns me and says look at the state of you again at the hospital, look at you leaving your daughter for 3 hours whilst you sit in the emergency room, look at the time you have wasted which could have been spent with her.

It's exhausting.

Re: Consciousness

Posted: Sat May 11, 2019 3:16 pm
by Webwanderer
I encourage you to laugh - often. Learn to make light of your own your own fears as just curious foibles in these matters that trouble you. Be dismissive of them.

(It's interesting how words can have duel meanings. Think about 'make light'. One, making light through humor lifts the heaviness of our concerns. They become lighter. Two, making light engenders Spirit into our consciousness. Spirit is Light. Enlightenment. So laugh and 'make light'. Lift your concerns - and bask in Spirit.) Life will become fun again.
I am in recovery and have not drank alcohol for nearly 6 years. I absolutely despised the person I had become.

I don't want to be that addicted person,
Consider yourself no longer addicted and beyond recovery. Think of yourself as free. Your life is before you. That is your focus. Express your creativity in exploring your life. Create a new mindset. Look forward to where you choose to go, how you choose to be. Acknowledge your own power to do so. "I am" is the seat of power. Those words create our identification. 'I am' afraid creates one path to identification. 'I am' free creates quite another. Use these words to your advantage. And not just the words, but the feeling and belief that underlies them.

Consider also that it's counter productive to despise or hate anything about our past identifications. It simply makes us smaller. Humility, inclusion and compassion will do far more to settle our minds than hate can ever do. Many NDE'rs have said that from a Spiritual perspective humility is one of the greatest assets we can have toward the conscious evolution this world offers. I encourage you to forgive (let go of) and free yourself from the debilitating burden you carry. Make your past an asset that you stand on, rather than an tar baby steals your joy.
It's hard to not think of the Ego as an enemy,
It's not our enemy. It's our mental vehicle. We can choose an upgrade to a more efficient model, but we will need it to a large extent to travel this world. Know it for what it is. You're not your car. You're the driver of it. You decide where it goes how well it operates. Learn what makes it work and it will become more valuable. Make it your servant, not your master.

And do the meditation.

WW

Re: Consciousness

Posted: Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:56 am
by Susy_ja
This thread was interesting, thanks

Re: Consciousness

Posted: Fri Jul 05, 2019 6:54 pm
by Webwanderer
Susy_ja wrote:
Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:56 am
This thread was interesting, thanks
Welcome to the forum Susy_ja. What did you find interesting? Want to add something? Or explore?

WW