Uncertainty with my individuality

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jtightlips21
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Uncertainty with my individuality

Post by jtightlips21 » Sat Jun 22, 2019 5:02 am

Hopefully this title is not misleading, but I find within myself that when I have this uncertainty with having individuality, I find myself more attached to the ego. I had done some observations, and I have noticed that I hate when people dont "Live and let live" or embrace their individuality. The whole "live and let live" I believe is rooted in the want to have my individuality undisturbed. Frankly, I do not like being labeled, and expected to conform to the label, fear having an identity tied to another or group, and find conformity utterly fake and boring.

The first time I ever started getting attached to my individuality was after I started a Tech school where I had been condemned for being an individual. Long story short, this school was the dead end job archetype, where the workers will is broken and reformed to be cogs for the system. Then I got into religious fundamentalism to handle the uncertainties in my life. This made things worse, as most forms of Fundamentalism value absolute conformity, and even go so far to condemn refusal to conform to endless torture.

What I am stumped over is why I had a greater sense of security in being an individual, yet now feel insecure. Yet I see no appeal in living in someone elses shadow, conforming to some external entities will, or needing to justify my existence on how useful or palatable to some collective. Yet when I am firm with my individuality, I find that I can more easily transcend the ego and be more selfless.

Edit: I think that I am realizing that I will have to die to the ego in order to be restored to sanity and security. Not to sound too religious, but I think this is the principle of the ego dying to rise again. In the sense that the Ego is placed in its rightful order of consciousness. But what I am still having trouble is being stuck on this resentment over why my individual ego should have to die, while these cookie cutter conforming egos, collective ego's and the busybody's ego doesnt have to die.

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Webwanderer
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Re: Uncertainty with my individuality

Post by Webwanderer » Sat Jun 22, 2019 6:32 am

jtightlips21 wrote:
Sat Jun 22, 2019 5:02 am
But what I am still having trouble is being stuck on this resentment over why my individual ego should have to die,
In the growth of consciousness and 'waking up', egos don't die necessarily. They were never really alive to start with. Rather, the beliefs that construct the ego are simply seen for the limiting factors that they are and released from our belief construct. Egos are born of our beliefs about self, and a belief is seen as the truth to the believer no matter how bizarre. It's an imaginary identity however. There is within us a much larger understanding of self - one free of human identifications.

Once a larger truth is recognized about the nature of self, the identifications of beliefs previously held are no longer, or at least much less, relevant. We let go of the old in favor of a larger understanding. The ego identification simply evaporates. It was no more real than a character in a play. This process is the evolution of consciousness in action.

In another context, it doesn't mean there was not value in seeing through the ego's perspective. It made for endless unique experiences to ponder and learn from. Egos are not inherently bad. But like any tool of a master craftsman, the better one learns to use it, the more useful it becomes. The first step of course, is to know who is master - and what is tool.

WW

PureLand
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Re: Uncertainty with my individuality

Post by PureLand » Tue Nov 19, 2019 7:18 pm

jtightlips21 wrote:
Sat Jun 22, 2019 5:02 am
Hopefully this title is not misleading, but I find within myself that when I have this uncertainty with having individuality, I find myself more attached to the ego. I had done some observations, and I have noticed that I hate when people dont "Live and let live" or embrace their individuality. The whole "live and let live" I believe is rooted in the want to have my individuality undisturbed. Frankly, I do not like being labeled, and expected to conform to the label, fear having an identity tied to another or group, and find conformity utterly fake and boring.

The first time I ever started getting attached to my individuality was after I started a Tech school where I had been condemned for being an individual. Long story short, this school was the dead end job archetype, where the workers will is broken and reformed to be cogs for the system. Then I got into religious fundamentalism to handle the uncertainties in my life. This made things worse, as most forms of Fundamentalism value absolute conformity, and even go so far to condemn refusal to conform to endless torture.

What I am stumped over is why I had a greater sense of security in being an individual, yet now feel insecure. Yet I see no appeal in living in someone elses shadow, conforming to some external entities will, or needing to justify my existence on how useful or palatable to some collective. Yet when I am firm with my individuality, I find that I can more easily transcend the ego and be more selfless.

Edit: I think that I am realizing that I will have to die to the ego in order to be restored to sanity and security. Not to sound too religious, but I think this is the principle of the ego dying to rise again. In the sense that the Ego is placed in its rightful order of consciousness. But what I am still having trouble is being stuck on this resentment over why my individual ego should have to die, while these cookie cutter conforming egos, collective ego's and the busybody's ego doesnt have to die.
Individuality is simply complete opposite of what the universe, reality is. And If something is not aligned with reality, it can never be sustainable in the long term. That's why the human experience is very strange by any means.

When a person grows in presence, it becomes more obvious to that person what the building blocks of humanity is and what are the consequences of that state of being are. To give a simple example, recently I heard a song with ego-feeding lyrics. So the song basically says something like this "Let us relax/heal..I re-born again as a legend."..

So let's just observe the world, let's observe our habitat. Can anyone see any living being walking around with the identification being "legend"? Can anyone see any being with an ego? Can anyone see a being with fantasising themselves in the top of the world, taking pleasure of harming other beings, or wanting to be admired by other beings?... And this is not only the result of being able to think. Habitual thinking is the result something much more complex that is unique to the humans. Dolphins can think and talk too. Chimpanzees who share 98%-99% of human dna, communicate with eachother too. All of the extinct species in the genus homo communicated with each other.

So the first step of disidentification from the ego, non of us is a "legend". There is no legend in the universe. There is only those humans and perhaps some beings who are the continuation of humans in different spiritual realms-that are fantasising themselses as "legends", "lords", "kings", "superheros" etc. The second step towards disidendification from the ego is the realization that ego is meaningless, it is not bringing happiness and it is only bringing suffering for oneself and other beings. It pulls oneself towards more and more darkness, it more and more pulls a being towards bottom of the universe. This description is ofcourse not suitable for the giant human hubris. But this is the truth. This truth can only be understood by practising presence. Not by intellectual thinking ofcourse.

That being said, ego is also a great tool for us few beings in the world to make a giant jump that makes us free from samsara. Understanding ego-which is basically understanding the building blocks of human nature-leads a person directly towards freedom from suffering, towards ultimate reality. I really like these huge ironies in the universe.

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