Thought or Presence?

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
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huehue
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Jan 09, 2020 7:18 pm

Thought or Presence?

Post by huehue » Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:30 pm

Hello everyone!

I started writing my story but i realised that, even though i was bullied it really doesn't matter. I don't define myself with entire "victim" mentality anymore. But just for the sake of better understanding I'm gonna write some informations so i could get better answer on my question.

I was the youngest kid in my family and all of my cousins and family members lived in the same neighbourhood (all of the the cousins were boys so I was always the smallest/youngest one and left out of pretty much every event). Something similar was also happening in school. My parents are pretty much awakened at this point. Both my brother and my dad had a cancer in 2015 and 2016 respectively so I think that influenced them alot. They are in perfect shape now. When i was 15/16 I had pretty low self esteem and constant anxiety and I started drinking and smoking during that time (well for most Europeans that's "normal" at that age so I had never seen any problem with that). By the age of 17 I was able to get rid of alcohol, smoking and partying and was just normal kid but with terrible self esteem to the point where i would be terrified to walk in a classroom after everyone was there, all of those stares was something that I wasn't able to deal with. And then 2 years ago when i was 19 i discovered "The Secret" (wasn't really pratical but it has helped me to find more interesting material like ET). ET (and reading this forum for a while incognito) are the reasons why I'm not anxious anymore and why i'm finally able to deal with many many things that i couldn't in the past.

My question is... I'm really not sure when I'm thinking and when I'm actually being present. How I can know the difference? Yeah I now weird question.
Just want to clarify that I'm aware of my emotions (fully accept them), and of my actions (everything that i wanted to do during last couple of days I did without resistence, I was able to stop be aware decide what is next thing and do it).
For example when I'm reading interesting threads on this forum I don't really know If i got sucked into reading or if i was partially aware of reading while also having some thoughts going on. Half an hour ago I was making myself fruit salad for a dinner and I'm not sure if I did it unconsciously or I was just sucked in it and was without thoughts, but I think I wasn't in the moment, it almost felt like i was inbetween. Also now while writing this. It feels like i wrote all of it while being in some weird zone but to write all the things above i probably had to be in thoughts. I can consciously decide what to do but I'm not sure if I am present while doing it. I don't feel spaciousness that I feel while chosing it.

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DavidB
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:55 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Thought or Presence?

Post by DavidB » Fri Jan 10, 2020 12:36 am

Don't try and be present all of the time, not only is it impossible, it may cause frustration and disappointment.

Just be present whenever you remember to be, if it's only 10% of the time, then that's perfectly fine.

Presence isn't a goal to be achieved, presence develops the more we become used to being consciously aware. This takes time and it takes development, it can take a long time to undo unconscious behavior.

Life is a journey, give yourself the space to grow.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

huehue
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Jan 09, 2020 7:18 pm

Re: Thought or Presence?

Post by huehue » Fri Jan 10, 2020 11:39 am

DavidB thank You for your response and i totally agree with You!

Couple of months ago I was definitely trying too hard to be present all the time, and it caused alot of frustration. Now, I let emotions be as they are and it helped me to see presence from different angle.
Reason why I'm asking this question is because my job is related to my painbody. My job is something that I love but painbody was created around stuff that are really important in job that I do right now.
My job is in showbiz/entertainment world. I'm really grateful for it because it's perfect place to master presence and something that I'm in my essence (Awarness) but for example this morning I was working and while reading work related stuff I got huge anxiety/adrenaline energy in my body... It didn't change my frequency and high vibrational state (before it would cause self jugement and negative energy), i was able to just let it be and when i finished with reading 5 minutes later anxiety /adrenaline energy was gone. While reading it I was able to spot couple of negative thoughts like "if i did this thing a year ago" etc. Probably those thoughts started those feelings and emotions but it didn't make me unconscious like before. A year ago if something caused me those kind of emotions I would procrastinate for literally weeks. It feels like I started action consciously and then while doing it I was going back and forth between conscious-unsconscious state and after I finished it I was able to come back to presence.

I am not sure if that could cause my painbody to get stronger or if I am doing the right thing.

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