No More Complaining

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No More Complaining

Postby barbarasher » Thu Aug 04, 2005 8:32 pm

I have been working on not complaining for almost two years. I have made enormous progress, but there are parts of my life (like everyone) where there are various "issues", due to the nature of the situation that arise again and again. The issues will always be there, they are "what is and always will be".

For most of my life up until very recently, I had made complaining a large part of my social interaction. I complain, my friend or family member commiserates, we talk about what to do and so on.

Mostly I just wanted someone to sympathize with me and just listen to me complain. Actually I do not feel better after complaining almost at all.

It's also not so easy to find the right person or the right person in the right mood who is available exactly when I want to "Let fly". And even the right person doesn't always give me just the right amount of sympathy without judgment or advice (if that is not what I am looking for).

The Power of Now has helped me extensively in this area, among others.

Here's the question:

I am considering very seriously just giving it up completely, no matter what happens. What do you think?

Somehow I feel that I will be letting something go, or have nothing to share anymore, or look stuck up to my friends or maybe I'll just bust.

But I think I might be happier and less troubled, if I could make this a habit.
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Postby kiki » Thu Aug 04, 2005 9:25 pm

Hi barbarasher,

"I am considering very seriously just giving it up completely, no matter what happens. What do you think?"

Good for "you". Are you the complainer (ego) or that which is aware of the complainer?

"Somehow I feel that I will be letting something go, or have nothing to share anymore, or look stuck up to my friends or maybe I'll just bust."

Right - this is just a subtle egoic strategy for preserving its identity. Isn't "complaining" done from a certain viewpoint, a viewpoint which opposes that which it complains about? Isn't this what egos consistently do? You are beyond the ego, you are the space in which the ego arises.

Make a game out of spotting when the ego arises, along with its litany of complaints. In the moment there is recognition of ego emerging there is a moment of freedom from the ego. Then "complaining" can be done consciously rather than unconsciously, if at all. When done consciously the complaining doesn't become a trap; instead, it can be seen as just another foible of that ridiculously silly entity "me". You can watch how the ego morphs situations around to maintain its viewpoint - that becomes quite amusing in itself. Soon you will find that complaining little tyrant showing up less and less.

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