Emotional Pain

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Emotional Pain

Postby Mal2 » Mon Aug 29, 2005 4:14 am

Hi
Im new here and look forward to contributing to this great forum.

I had a spiritual experience aorund 5 years ago at the age of 28 after being involved in a 12 step recovery program for a year or two. I guess this created enough space in me for the opening to happen.

After this experience I was flabbergasted as I didnt expect anything nor did I know anything about spirituality. Things were different after that and I experienced many moments of deep peace. Through a series of life experiences I found myself back in the thick of the thnking mind and dealing with many very painful emotions.

Over this past few months I have been again experiencing an existence of mostly feeling awareness throughout my day with little or no thinking.

I am constantly aware of how I am feeling thorughout my day and can witness my reactions in daily living.

My question is does anyone experience a similar pattern and is there evr an end to the pain or awareness of my emotions? I guess I want to go beyond or below this feeling awareness and wonder if there is ever an end to it.

I hope this makes sense.

Mal
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Postby kiki » Mon Aug 29, 2005 6:45 pm

Hi Mal, and welcome.

"My question is does anyone experience a similar pattern and is there evr an end to the pain or awareness of my emotions? I guess I want to go beyond or below this feeling awareness and wonder if there is ever an end to it."

You in reality ARE the witness - there is no 'Mal' other than a temporary arising within awareness. You as the witness, as consciousness itself can actually watch 'Mal' arise.

So, when pain arises there will be the witnessing of the pain; when emotions arise there will be the witnessing of the emotion. Pain comes and goes as does emotion, and awareness/you remain. There is nothing wrong with pain in and of itself. Same thing with emotion. However, to turn those into stories that are rehashed over and over in the mind, to be avoided or clung to is to create suffering, and suffering only comes from a specific viewpoint - the viewpoint of the temporary 'me'. This suffering does end; it ends in the light of awareness/you when that ficticious character 'Mal' is revealed to be nothing more than a phantom.When 'Mal' is seen through as he arises he can be dropped spontaneously, and along with that the suffering will cease too.

There may be an emotional residual component that remains lodged in the mind/body mechanism for a time, but as this component expresses itself and is illuminated by awareness it diminishes. When it does arise do nothing with it other than witness it - since it's here during a specific instance then allow it to be here, this will give it room to flow through you rather than remain lodged.

When there is no pain, no emotion, no suffering, no 'me' throwing up barriers, all that remains is awareness - the real You, the natural state. The natural state, the real you is always here anyway, but now it is seen clearly. Nothing fancy, no fireworks - just stillness, silence, aliveness, presence, contentment, fulfillment. But don't look for these attributes to arise, just be the presence that you are and they reveal themselves. When the 'me' arises again and reflects on presence, these are just the labels that are applied. Look for nothing and everything is revealed.

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Postby Mal2 » Tue Aug 30, 2005 1:52 am

Thanks Kiki for your reply here and the other thread.

So I need do nothing more other than keep witnessing the emotion?

Can you share your experience with me? Did you go a similar stage?
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Postby lakeswimr » Tue Aug 30, 2005 2:13 am

Hi Mal,

I have also felt more and sometimes less present at various times. I have found that with less pain body I feel more of what Kiki talked about in his reply to you--peace, love, fulfillment, etc in Being. I have times of unconsciousness still and I have times of uncomfortable feelings and emotions, but like you my mind is usually going less and I have less pain body now. I actually used to probably having an active pain body at least daily and probably much of the time. I keep wondering if the pain body is still there or not. I mean, I know it is still there a bit but I really has so little pain now compared to before and I'm not sure if this is a temporary thing and it will come out again or if I have nearly gotten rid of it all. I do know that I'm ready for it if it comes out. I have felt it and I'm still here. :)

I am wondering if you are experiencing the positive things Kiki mentioned in his post that one feels when present and when pain body has started to be transmuted.

Welcome to the board. :)
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Postby Mal2 » Tue Aug 30, 2005 2:47 am

lakeswimr wrote:Hi Mal,


I am wondering if you are experiencing the positive things Kiki mentioned in his post that one feels when present and when pain body has started to be transmuted.

Welcome to the board. :)


Hi Lakeswimr

Yeah, I experience stillness in my thinking and some really deep peaceful moments. I guess I have to learn to accept the residual pain that I feel in my solar plexus and just witness it rather than make a problem or story out of it as I am doing here :)

The thinking mind had returned for a while, as Eckhart relates can happen, this lasted about 18 months and caused me great pain and suffering because I couldnt accept my loss of oneness.

Once tasted I found it very difficult to let go which of course was causing the suffering in the first place although I didnt realise it at the time.
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Postby kiki » Tue Aug 30, 2005 10:00 pm

Hi Mal,

"So I need do nothing more other than keep witnessing the emotion?"

Just witness it - witness everything because THAT'S what you are, the witness. The one who would attempt to 'do' something with it is illusory - the one who would attempt to 'do' something with it is responsible for keeping suffering and emotional turmoil in place. Discover this illusory phantom for what it is and then all of the baggage that phantom has been carrying disappears. There may be a transition period before everything is completely released (like me) or it can happen suddenly, as in ET's case

It wasn't long after discovering Tolle that I dropped all practices, most notably a meditation practice that I was very attached to that I had been practicing for many many years. Instead of retreating to any practice, which was good at giving temporary relief, I simply stayed present. What helped me stay present was the realization that all there ever is is now, that time really doesn't exist except as something created by the mind. I had heard that before, of course, but it never really became a direct knowing. I'd keep checking it out by asking "Is it still now?" and of course I always found that it WAS still now. Without time, realizing my true nature could actually be realized this very instant, there could be absolutely nothing which could prevent this unless I retreated into the ego/mind. With this realization I became very alert when such retreats arose, and when they arose they were released again almost immediately.

When painful emotions arose, rather that fighting them off I simply sat down (if that was possible) and allowed them the freedom to be there. This was scary at first but I did it anyway. To my amazement they would disappear rather quickly. Within a very short time those kinds of emotions no longer showed up, but I knew that if they did all that 'had' to be done was nothing other than allow them to be there, to witness them.

What Tolle calls the pain body simply faded away on its own completely less than 6 months (I'm just guessing here, could be less - 'time' no longer has any meaning anymore because I so seldom think about it) after I started 'doing' this. I still have emotions which arise and they are given the room to be here when they do. The difference now is that there is no longer a story that gets attached to the emotions, the ego no longer gets hooked into them. 'Unpleasant' emotions come and go again (not as often by a long shot), but when they are here I know that the ego can come back more easily, and when it does it gets spotted like a kid getting caught stealing from the cookie jar. It's like the ego gets embarassed when it's spotted and high-tails it out of there.
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