Should I Take Myself With Me?

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)

Should I Take Myself With Me?

Postby barbarasher » Wed Sep 14, 2005 3:06 pm

My question is "should I take myself with me, or leave myself behind?".

I am going to meet someone new, hopefully a new good friend for lunch.

My daughter (22 years old and very intelligent and wise too) has been asking me for months to meet her friend's mother, who seems to have a lot in common with me, including the interest in the things we discuss in this forum.

I am so interested in this "no self" issue that KiKi has been mentioning in the forum for a while. And now that I am starting to "get it", I can hear ET speaking about it a lot when I re-listen to his CDs.

When I sit down to lunch with this stranger do I bring "me" to the table?

Specifically, do I tell the STORY of me and all my previous problems and trials and tribulations? How much is sharing, and what is too much STORY.
User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2004 6:38 am

Postby AndyD » Wed Sep 14, 2005 8:43 pm

In my own experience anything you do is fine - just be concious when you do it.

If you tell your life story with conciousness then you realise why it is not good and learn from it. If you don't tell your life story then you will probably feel the urge to do so and you learn from that also.

As long as you are concious then you can ultimately do no wrong.

If you cannot be concious then accept it and you will learn something from that also.

Everything you do you can learn something about yourself - so relax and learn :D
Posts: 144
Joined: Thu Nov 25, 2004 3:30 pm
Location: Leeds, England

Postby barbarasher » Fri Sep 16, 2005 6:07 am

Thanks so much Andy. Sounds good.
User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2004 6:38 am

Postby heidi » Fri Sep 16, 2005 2:32 pm

I will often approach certain professional or personal situations saying to myself before I go, okay, I'm going to shut up and listen, but I usually end up sharing parts of my story anyway. Not much self-control here when it comes to that. :) I think the reason why we do this is because it's our way (our ego's way, too) of connecting and sharing similarities with new people. Now, if we all just shut up and listened, we'd be really doing the spacious thing! And in that case, why get together at all? ha! I think it's in our nature to want to connect, and sharing words are a big part of that.
wonderment on the third wave
User avatar
Posts: 2703
Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2004 12:37 am
Location: 42nd parallel, Massachusetts, USA

Postby lakeswimr » Sat Sep 17, 2005 3:51 am

I agree with Andy that if you are present you can't go wrong and if you become unconscious that is a learning experience, too. :)

ET recommends several places that we get silent and listen to people. He said one of the most beatiful things we can do is to get silent and really listen to another person. I think Byron Katie suggests this, too and says that people like people more when they are better listeners and often don't even realize that they are doing all the talking--just report really liking the good listener. lol

I think that if you try to leave "you" behind that wouldn't work. :) If there is effort that isn't accepting the moment and it would be repressing something. I bet even Eckhart Tolle is along for the ride at least once in a while of where Being is taking him. :) Otherwise why would he still like things like Starbucks coffee. :)
Posts: 191
Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:23 pm
Location: Centrally located in the middle of nowhere

Postby summer » Sat Sep 17, 2005 5:19 am

Heidi said
Now, if we all just shut up and listened, we'd be really doing the spacious thing! And in that case, why get together at all? ha!

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Good one, Heidi,
can you imagine meeting a new person for lunch, and when you said
"Hi, pleased to meet you"
"Um, my name is Jo Shmoo, what is your name?"
"Well, would you like some lunch?"

And after this whole lunch ordeal you went home and thought that this guy is very strange.

Then one of your friends who had alse read the The Power of Now told you

"Oh no, he isn't strange, he is practicing being present in the moment and listening to you"

:lol: :lol: :lol:
User avatar
Posts: 466
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2004 12:42 am
Location: California

Postby barbarasher » Sat Sep 17, 2005 7:48 am

Yeah! That is exactly the issue.

And then, as Heidi said "Then why get together at all."

But I do want to avoid bringing the self that I am waking up from to lunch, but fear not appearing human if I do not bring part of it.

I believe that if I just relax and be consious (as Andy and Lakeswimmer said) that it may all just work out and whatever it will be, it will be a reflection of my current self (as a whole, the witness as well as the ego).
User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2004 6:38 am

Postby erict » Sat Sep 17, 2005 10:17 am

I think it doesn't really matter if you talk about yourself and your life story, what is important is that you don't get caught up in it all. All the drama and the pain-body have the tendecy to overtake us completely, and we get lost in them, like it's all there is. But instead of denying that you are a human being, with an ego and a mind, and a body and everything else that comes with it... instead of denying it, or trying to leave it behind, just give it its proper place. It IS a part of who you are. But it is only a part of who you are, and when you forget that you are so much more than just this, that's when the trouble and suffering begins.

:) You know what this looks like... Our whole lives we've been trying to be this or that... trying to become someone, and now you're trying to become no one. :D Stop trying, JUST BE. ;)

Also, I'd like to add that it's not the superficial things that matter. It doesn't matter so much what you are going to do, but how you are going to do it. Place a greater emphasis on the inner, not the outer, not on the things you will be talking about, but how you will be talking about them. I guess this has already been said. The important thing is that you be present, and then it doesn't really matter what you'll be talking about. And even if you're not present and you get lost in the mind, that's fine too. :)
"Be sincere; don't ask questions out of mere interest. Ask dangerous questions—the ones whose answers could change your life."
User avatar
Posts: 1776
Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2004 9:24 pm
Location: Israel

Postby barbarasher » Sat Sep 17, 2005 10:39 am

Well said. Thanks EricT
User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2004 6:38 am

Return to Questions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 2 guests