How do I overcome the addiction of love?

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
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How do I overcome the addiction of love?

Post by buckeyeboywonder » Mon Mar 19, 2007 5:34 am

There is a man I have recently met who is someone I would really like to be committed to. He is genuine, mature, caring, considerate, helpful, physically attractive - everything resembling the type of partner I would want to be with.

My problem is.. the interest is not mutual, I don't believe he is very interested in me, but wants to be friends.

I can't help but 'think' about him often, hope that he will call or want to go out on a date. I only ever see him out at the bar, and when I do see him, he is really kind and very personable with me, but I have asked him to dinner/lunch about once a week for the past month and he has said 'i work but i will work it into my schedule', then never does.

It's really hard for me to find any help from Tolle's book about Romantic Relationships.

I'm smart enough to know that my ego is the one wanting this man, and not I - but for some reason my heart is still "yearning" / "desiring" to be with this guy... so maybe I haven't accepted it like I think I have?

Can anyone please help me in "getting over" this man? It's hard because I feel like he keeps me hanging on, and I've never felt this way for a guy before so I thought I had things in my life under pretty strong peacefulness until now.

And also.. there is a different guy that really likes me, but doesn't "measure up to what I want".. can I 'grow to love' this person and want to be with them?

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Post by AndyD » Mon Mar 19, 2007 11:24 pm

My partner and I were discussing earlier today how Tolle doesn't really cover romantic relationships. There is (or rather was) a spiritual teacher whose primary message was about the importance of love by the name of Barry Long (Eckhart used to attend his talks) and his work has been most helpfull to my partner and I - particulary his books of letters received from people asking about love. As this is an ET forum I'll leave it at that.

I believe you are begining to see the root of your problem. How many times have you thought something that was out of your reach would make you happy (more complete)? while overlooking what is right in front of you? I'm not sayng the guy that likes you is right for you but an important part of relationships (in my experience of been in 'spiritual relationship') is to look at what is behind all the thought patterns. This is not easy and requires a great deal of honesty that most are not used to (despite the fact that most of us have deceived ourselves into thinking we are honest). Maybe you could take a look at why you think a man who promises to fit you into his schedule then doesn't would make an ideal partner? Is that the dishonesty (which it is no matter how you dress it up)you wish to have in your life?

Don't lose heart though - you are beginning to look at things as they really are. Things are difficult when you do this - but a whole lot easier than the 'normal' way of living.
Last edited by AndyD on Tue Mar 20, 2007 8:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Intel » Tue Mar 20, 2007 6:24 pm

In A NEW EARTH ET covers this in great detail. However he doesn't go into personal problems as part of his message is realising that there is no problem, only situations that need to be dealt with now or left alone. Apparently when you get in touch with your inner body the right answer will come to you.
I would lick your feet, but is that the sickest move?

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Candle light vs Sunlight

Post by weichen » Wed Mar 21, 2007 2:44 am

Using Eckhart's analogy of "Candle light vs Sunlight" (in "realizing the power of now" audio tape), buckeyeboywonder's question can translated into something much simpler.

Question: "how can I overcome addiction to love" = how can I overcome addiction to candle light ?

Answer: pull back the curtain to allow sunlight to come into the house. Not only sunlight makes candle light trivial, but also, if given a focusing lens, sunlight can light up the candle :wink:

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Post by heidi » Wed Mar 21, 2007 3:22 pm

pull back the curtain to allow sunlight to come into the house
Beautifully put, weichen. Thanks! :)
wonderment on the third wave

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