Surviving the negative.

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)

Surviving the negative.

Postby Egoicmidget » Sun Oct 23, 2005 2:24 pm

Hello all! I'm new here and am pondering a challenge in my life.
I work with a person who continuously spouts very negative verbage and I get caught up in her drama.
I understand staying present but I seem to get sucked into her scenario
and become less concious as a result.
I'm thinking the witness and staying present is the solution but my response to her seems automatic.
We have been in the dance I refer to for many years and have agreed in the past that venting is good for both of us.
Now I need to tactfully modify the rules.

Any and all comments are appreciated.

Posts: 167
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2005 2:09 pm

Postby heidi » Sun Oct 23, 2005 11:12 pm

Hi John - I have a sister who has that effect on me, and just last week I got all caught up - took the bait - in a family drama and then let myself get thrown under the bus. I think as we become more conscious of these things, we tend to temper our responses, and I also use avoidance tactics. Love that caller ID :)
The less often we allow it, the more likely the unconscious one will either respond to the changewith more consciousness or find somebody else to create the drama with.
wonderment on the third wave
User avatar
Posts: 2703
Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2004 12:37 am
Location: 42nd parallel, Massachusetts, USA

"Commenting" on the drama

Postby BillyPLed » Sun Oct 23, 2005 11:23 pm


One of the ways that I attempt to stay "conscious" when dealing with a difficult situation or person is to "comment" on what is happening within me at the time.

It would work something like this: The co-worker starts her negativity. I start to feel negative along with her (perhaps Eckhart would say that her pain-body is resonating with or activating my pain-body). In stead of getting caught up in the drama, I comment out loud on what is happening. "You know, Jill, I am feeling very negative right now and I am, on a certain level, wanting to engage in this negativity with you. That is my habitual way of being with you. However, I really do not want to do that anymore. When I do engage in this with you, it causes me much stress. I also see that you are experiencing that stress right now. So, I am not going to act in my old habitual way now. I am going to take a little break and when I get back, I am going to do some work. See you in a few minutes."

By commenting on what is happening within me and between me and her, I am being conscious. I am bringing awareness into the picture. Eventually it gets to where I do not have to say anything out-loud. I do not have to think anything. All I have to do is "note" what is happening and be with it in a non-resistant way. To me, that is Presence. Hope this helps.
Billy in Lousiana
User avatar
Posts: 80
Joined: Tue Dec 28, 2004 12:10 am
Location: West Monroe, Louisiana

Postby barbarasher » Mon Oct 24, 2005 7:20 am

Gangagi's CD called "The Moment of Choice" talks about that split second before we are practically aware of what is happening to us where we have a choice to go down the path of consciousness or unconsciousness and how to handle it. I highly recommend it. I got it through Amazon.

I also have this issue in my family. When they get like that I don't answer them now, I just look at them and listen and then tell them "oops, I've got to go" in a nice voice. They get it after a while and I didn't have to do it too many times. Since at work you can't always remove yourself, you could say, "Oops, I have to finish this project", or "OH, I have to tell you this funny story, you'll love it", and so on.

What is so beautiful that as I become more conscious, the two most negative people in my family have started to become less aggressively negative and happier. It's like osmosis (them absorbing it from me). They didn't read or listen to any ET or other material, but something is happening.

A funny story is that at a family dinner, my mother (the most negative one) was actually getting very frustrated interrogating my husband, who said that he is much happier lately, about how it happened. She didn't believe that he didn't read my stuff (the CDs and Books of ET, Gangagi and so on) and kept asking me if I read to him in his sleep, or is he reading it secretly or why aren't we telling her the whole story and on and on (she believes in conspiracies everywhere). She then told me she would read it. It's been a week and she hasn't started yet, but said she would. I am hopeful…
User avatar
Posts: 138
Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2004 6:38 am

Postby Egoicmidget » Mon Oct 24, 2005 3:44 pm

Thanks so much for the words and ideas on this.
I'm thinking this person is a teacher to help me stay in the Now.
As I awaken more and use the witnessing presence I think the dance will change.
The person is a friend and we used to talk about the benefits of venting about work problems and it's temporary reduction in feeling less than
and the associaited childhood baggage.
Until a month ago I actuallly thought this was healthy, but after reading the TPON I realize it's all about ego and the dance was about both of us getting the pay off of feeling superior to the subject (another worker)of our discussions.
Now my task is to stay present and watch myself so I don't fall into the habitual behavior. Unfortunatley my brain is too quick and I jump, if anyone can relate, LOL.
I do need to share the information that I don't want to engage in the behavior that it causes me stress, while still allowing her to vent.
I have used the strategy of changing the subject and I think this will eventually help her to be happier.
As well as I.

Posts: 167
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2005 2:09 pm

Postby spatialbean » Tue Oct 25, 2005 5:24 am

Hi John,

Let us know how it goes for you!

User avatar
Posts: 282
Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2005 9:55 pm
Location: California

Postby Egoicmidget » Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:00 am

The relationship is changing I tryed some different types of relating being softer and letting her know by my action that I do care about her and I think as I soften my reaction things will get even better.
I was able to create an enviroment of peace by simply not reacting and
the day was great!
The surrender aspect of ET's teachings are profound and that seems to be helping guide my behavior. Just allowing things to be as they are.
I'm so new to PON so I'm working on not letting the teaching become new material for my egoic mind to analyze and obsess about.
I'm practing no practice right now and just digesting what I've learned and trying to not form symbols around the teachings.
I also enjoy Ram Dass and consider him a wonderful teacher as well.
Be Here Now reside on my desk as a fixture, I refer to it often.
Thanks to you all for your words.


Posts: 167
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2005 2:09 pm

Postby spatialbean » Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:43 am

That sounds great John.

I've noticed with myself that things that used to really bug me just don't anymore and it's very freeing.

Take care,
User avatar
Posts: 282
Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2005 9:55 pm
Location: California

Return to Questions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests