why do anything?

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
sharon-x
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why do anything?

Post by sharon-x » Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:48 pm

Before tolle –

I was completely consumed and identified with my ego.
However I was what they call an attractive looking girl and worked hard to look that way,
Had a quite successful career in the music field, in a specific genre, you could say that I am “famous” in that genre.

I gained interesting experiences (never enough), good income (never enough), 10 years relationship with a loving partner(never enough),

And whenever I compared myself to “normal people” I could proudly say “I am something”.
And whenever I compared myself to more successful people I would miserably conclude I am “nothing”.


After Tolle
I am practicing the power of now, in and out of consciousness , accepting for one minute then in great fear the other moment but I can say I feel happier.

However -
I have completely neglected my body and beauty, put on weight, stopped jogging and training – what for?
The main reason I done it as an ego was to show the world and myself how beautiful and sexy I am.

I am not doing anything.
Not working at the studio, not answering mail, not taking on any offers that could get money in.
What for???
The main reason I pursued a career was as an ego wanting to express my feelings in music , to advance in life, get more, finish albums, make more shows, get more fans, recognition.

I ignore now everyone around me, from my boy friend to family members who see me as deteriorating –
I go around the house in the same clothes, eating all day, not exercising, not working, living on my savings,

I am in a position I can live from my savings at a fairly young age.
But that won’t last for long.

I did write one song in the last weeks, just because there was a need to do it, not for any album, not to satisfy any fan, just because.
But never recorded it. What for? why record it??

Recording a song is for the purpose of making another album, so people could like it or not and then buy it or not.
That’s ego.
If I have the inspiration – then writing a song is enough, no need to record and make albums.

So I guess you would all tell me – living in the now does not mean you should not take action or stop your life –
But still –
WHY take any action? There is no reason to take any action !!!!!
Why do anything?
Why look beautiful?
Why answer fan mail?
Why work at the studio?
Why do?

All there is is just be.
And I am already am. I am here.
The story is complete, I have arrived. I am happy inside my own head.

But from time to time my ego comes in, frightened , and tells me – girl, you are on a dangerous path.
And something inside me agrees with my ego.

Would love to know your thoughts.
sharon
Last edited by sharon-x on Thu Aug 16, 2007 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by dubhasa » Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:20 pm

I think.......
We are completely missing the point here. As I understand ET never mentioned rejecting forms. In fact if I am correct, he always pointed out to honor forms for whatever they are. That includes this body, career, home, family, friends whatever there are. Only point that ET is making is not to seek oneself in it.
What's the point in neglecting body? You are creating more suffering here. As long as you don't identify yourself as a body, everything should be alright.
If you FEEL everything is alright in your life, Great. Go for it. But I don't think, neglecting the body or neglecting relationships, neglecting career has anything to do with what Eckhart is pointing.
If you look at any ET videos, Eckhart is nicely dressed, he has a girlfriend and drives SUV.

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Post by sharon-x » Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:44 pm

Not saying ET is suggesting neglecting the body or the career.

I say that in my experience – there is no reason for doing anything.
All I do is stay in bed or take a walk outside, not thinking.
Being awareness.

That’s all there is.

I have no reason to do anything. And I feel happy about it.

But every now and then my ego pops up worried and tells me –
..”hey, it’s all going down the drain – your body, your career, your relationship, the money – everything I did achieve, everything that was working good.”
And immediately when I have these thoughts I just examine them and stay in the now and concentrate on my inner body

And these thoughts are gone.

Still, something inside (perhaps still my ego?) tells me I am on the wrong way.

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Post by JD » Wed Aug 08, 2007 6:52 pm

Welcome, sharon-x.

Presence is the death of songwriting, in my experience, at least.

Every day I used to spend hours in a friend's recording studio, or hunched over Cubase SX at my computer, adding synths, choirs and orchestral ornaments to my songs.

All that changed in May 2005 when a great kensho blew away my past and left me in a state of more or less permanent presence.

Since then I haven't created a single song as I can't bear to be lost in conceptual thought for hours (which is a prerequisite for operating Cubase).

I still write the odd poem by hand and sometimes let music stream through my fingertips to a guitar's fretboard, but the technical stuff is a definite no no.

Like you, I'm also much happier. :D

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Post by sharon-x » Wed Aug 08, 2007 8:55 pm

I do believe one can song-write out of presence.
Even ET talked about Picasso and the likes.

And as one who made a career of writing some of her songs from the head/mind, I know there is a difference.
But the need to take it further – like releasing the track or the song, making sure it is promoted, photo sessions, etc – all gone.

For example –
I’m supposed to shoot a video soon. I need to look my best for it, need to practice for it.
But out of being in the now – why do it?
Why go jog and train, buy makeup and clothes, practice the song, stand in front of a cam, network with everyone from the “industry” around?
Why?
So that the song will have a video and will be promoted in that way.
Why?
So that people will hear the song.
Why?
So that the song will touch them and make them feel better and they will buy my album.
Why?
So that I will feel I have given something to people and also make money
Why?
So that I will feel better about myself.
Why?
I already feel better with myself and I have money RIGHT NOW.

So I don’t want anything.
Everything there is - is already there.
I don’t need anything and don’t want anything.
I feel I am very close to dying.
It feels I am dead.

The only reason I do not take my life right now is because I don’t even want that.

So why am I writing on this board? It’s not “me” writing.
It’s my ego writing.
My ego is afraid I am in a dangerous deteriorating situation.
My ego is afraid to die.
And sometimes it manages to make me wonder – am I really being me – a presence, in the now
Or an insane person close to suicide?

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Post by Webwanderer » Wed Aug 08, 2007 9:26 pm

Welcome sharon-x, good to have you with us.

It is useful to be clear on the basic functionality of life in form. From an essential perspective, it matters little what one does, but understand doing is always happening in form even if one is doing nothing. From an individualized perspective, that doing can be experienced from a more clearly aware perspective (as you are experiencing now), or it can be from a separately identified ego perspective, from which we have all been through.

When the Tolle pointers, and those of some others like him, first began to lead the way out of my ego identity, I became a slack-jawed zombie, complete with drool running down my cheek. Life was great. (How's that for a visual?) After a few months however, an interest in engaging more directly in life returned. The re-engagement was different than before however, as interaction with people and events was more conscious and not so much spun through stories of judgment, justification and separation.

There is a newness to awakening that wipes the slate clean of previous rules of ego interaction. It often leaves one unsure of how to proceed in life. It's okay. It's more important to get comfortable in clarity of presence than to figure out what's the right way to engage the world. Enjoy the peace an clarity of Being. You'll find a way to re-engage with the world that fits your newly recovered awareness when the time is right. Just be open to the movement of life when it comes your way.

Meanwhile, live fully in the moment, be aware of the minds activity, but neither reject it nor identify with it. Just observe it and learn to use it as its funtion was intended. The mind is still a valuable tool of Being.

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Post by Dante3214 » Wed Aug 08, 2007 9:56 pm

I'm sure that whatever you do will end up fine sharon. Bless you.

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Post by eseward » Wed Aug 08, 2007 11:10 pm

Webwanderer wrote:Enjoy the peace an clarity of Being. You'll find a way to re-engage with the world that fits your newly recovered awareness when the time is right. Just be open to the movement of life when it comes your way.
Very well said IMO, Websky. :)

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Post by sharon-x » Wed Aug 08, 2007 11:22 pm

Thanx Webwanderer, it does seem like a phase.

Still - If I examine my actions during the day and just see the facts - I am much closer to dying than being alive.
Or you could say I am living like an animal.
Action wise - Uncontrolled Bodily functions are the essence of my day. All the rest is one big nothingness.
Only when my ego wakes up with the fear , I take action like posting on this board.

And also -
Correction to my former post – I am at peace But not happy.
I mean this is not a kind of joy and happiness of bunnies and rainbows and roses and jumping around.
the kind of happy i felt while being on stage for example.
More like easiness and peacefulness and relief. No pain, slight smile. everything is slow and smooth.

I start thinking (ehem.. thinking) that ego times were much more fun than this.

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Post by eseward » Wed Aug 08, 2007 11:33 pm

Hi Sharon,

FWIW, you are not describing liberation (or the joy, contentment, peace and feeling of connectedness that arise from it), so you are not yet describing the experience of your real nature beyond/outside of the conditioned mind (ego). When that is found, it is the fulfillment of our heart's desires (I am not parroting any teachers, I am speaking from personal experience here).

Just thought you'd want to know.

Best to you.

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Post by sharon-x » Wed Aug 08, 2007 11:54 pm

What worries my ego is that I have lost interest in everything else – my body my career my relationships my money, my computers and possessions, my music, my clothes, my hygiene.
I stopped wanting.

And further more my ego whispers in my ear –
at least you were alive when you were ego.
You wanted, you yearned ,you were passionate ,you suffered , you were happy for a moment, suffered again - but you were Alive.

When true joy will fill me, this will be the day I die.
Last edited by sharon-x on Thu Aug 16, 2007 2:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by heidi » Thu Aug 09, 2007 12:42 am

And further more my ego whispers in my ear –
at least you were alive when you were ego.
Wow, Sharon, dark night dawns with new awakening.

When true joy fills you, that's when you awaken, only the ego dies, poor little thing...boo hoo :)
Heidi
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Post by sharon-x » Thu Aug 09, 2007 1:09 am

Thanx for that. Point taken.

But that all doesn’t answer my wondering about wanting.

This morning as I thoughtlessly walked down the street I saw a beggar.
She was sitting on a blanket with her dog and she didn’t look unhappy.
And I thought (ehem.. thought) – when my savings are finished I can always find a little blanket and beg for money.

I must say I am bursting with laughter picturing my fans or worse – my mom - walking by and seeing me begging for food money.

It’s not that I want to be a beggar, I don’t.
But I don’t want anything else either.
I don’t want anything.

Heide – you’re an artist, and I see you in this picture sailing.
Why do you want to do all that?
You do it because you want something. Like the experience of the wind in your hair or the freedom of the big open sea.
Or when you do a work of art and go through the process of publishing it online – you want something.

But wanting belongs to the realms of the ego.
Wanting means – you need something you do not have.
Wanting means wanting to complete yourself in some way.

Am I totally not getting it?

Why do I post right now?
Because I want something. Or ,more accurately my ego wants something.
My ego needs something it does not have – maybe an answer, a purpose, a reason.
I let it do what it wants because if I don’t – then my hand freezes away from the mouse and there is one big peaceful nothingness.

It does seem like death is the right path.
When you stop wanting, needing, doing, your life and ego become smaller and smaller until there is nothing.
And that nothing is death.


Sharon-X

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Post by heidi » Thu Aug 09, 2007 2:10 am

Sharon - I have no problem with my ego. It served me well. I have my art and writing, and living and sailing. I don't do it for ego; I do it because I love it; it brings joy. The website happens because that's one of the things I do, not just for myself but for others. I serve. Service happens. Ego says I should update more often. :) We all need funds to live, to pay the internet provider, the electricity bill, and if we choose to own these things, then we do what comes naturally to provide the funds.

I do art because I have to. Not my ego, my soul.

Hey, death is good too. It's where we're all headed for. But for now, I'm alive and digging it. :)

Why do these enlightened ones write a book? Is it their ego? or is it that it is what they are compelled to do?

I'm compelled to live until I die.
And yes, does it matter? No, but I'm here now doing it.
Heidi
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Post by Foxtrot » Thu Aug 09, 2007 6:38 am

OK, I have got to jump into this thread right now. I read this earlier and wanted to reply then, but I was a little upset and thought it better to sit with it a little while before responding.

I will start by stating I am not nor have I ever been in any part of the medical field. As I read the original and all of your additional post and replies Sharon, I would just like you to consider that you may be experiencing depression. The way you express the way you feel and your actions, and lack of action, sounds to me like classic depression symptoms, and certainly not akin to any mystical or spiritual experience I have heard of.

When you are in the present moment, you live in your whole body and not in your head as you state. When Present, one usually feels connected and loving towards family and friends and does not ignore them. It seems to me that a lot of things you point to as coming from your ego, is actually good common sense. Not all wanting is ego driven, and not all ego driven wanting is dysfunctional. When starting out on a spiritual quest, it is easy at first to misinterpret peoples real meaning when certain words and phrases are used. Some words and phrases can be used by 2 different people to mean 2 different things entirely.

You don't state how long your lack of desire for anything, and just sitting around has been going on, but if it has been more than a couple of weeks, I would ask you to consider that this may be depression and that you talk with a medical practioner. Just for a bit put Tolle down. Give your broken heart some time to heal, and your mind time to clear. Depression can pull you down a long way if not treated quickly. To you right now, it may seem that your thoughts and feelings are logical and rational or that you are having a spiritual awakening but to me it sounds more like the thoughts and feelings that come out of the state of depressioin.

Please be careful and take care of yourself. If you have family and friends that see you as deteriorating as you state, maybe listen to them a little. You know they love you and only want the best for you.
Be well dear one.

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