How can I use POW to fight anxiety in meeting new people

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as.it.is
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How can I use POW to fight anxiety in meeting new people

Post by as.it.is » Mon Sep 03, 2007 8:56 pm

I find very hard to resist the anxiety I feel in meeting new people,
i.e., If I'm going to a party I can't stay present because I keep thinking about the possibilities of the future the unknown scares me :shock:

I feel that I have to improve myself totally to be awesome at a party 8)

How do you deal with that?
When you awake it will be your biggest regret.

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kiki
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Post by kiki » Mon Sep 03, 2007 9:12 pm

I feel that I have to improve myself totally to be awesome at a party

How do you deal with that?
You feel that, but isn't that really just a belief you have? What is to be gained by being "awesome" at parties? Isn't that more egoic gratification?

Let go of expectations for yourself and others and life becomes very basic and very simple. Recognize how such thoughts just feed the "me" within your own eyes.

In new situations keep some attention on your breath or on the inner body in order to remain more in tune with your own presence, and give no credence to thoughts of the mind that compel you to be other than what you actually are. These situations are a good time to actually listen to people rather than trying to impress.

Forget about the future in social situations; remain true to what you are and let the future unfold as it will. This is being authentic, which is more valuable than trying to impress people in some particular way, which only creates more layers of egoic identity.

weichen
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Post by weichen » Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:38 pm

Anxiety about meeting people. I had that before.

Meeting people would force open many unresolved issues about myself (my social status, my job title, my money, my health, my looks, my relationship, etc) that my mind have tried hard to suppress (pretend they don't exist).

Spirituality (power of now) allow you not to take your life story too seriously, and then you can actually take some actions to improve the little me.

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Post by jonky » Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:53 pm

your anxiety is caused by your resistance to the situation. the more you fight it, the more it will hurt you.

Look up the social anxiety institute, you`ll find all the help you need there
good luck!

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Seancho
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Post by Seancho » Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:56 pm

Approval, approval approval.

You want it. You think you need it. Like a drug.

And when you go to a party, there are lots of people there who can either give you your drug or take it away. The feeling of a roomful of eyes all deciding in a moment if they approve of you or not? Terrifying!

It's an illusion. You dont need approval. you only think you do.

Why re-arrange everything in your life to get more approval? As crazy as it sounds in the middle of it, you can actually kick the addiction. Can you imagine a life free of worry about other people?

If you go into the anxiety, all the way, at the bottom you will see that the whole thing is a big mistake.

In a nutshell, youve been afraid that the image of you that is in your mind, and the image of you in the mind of others, is what you really are! You confuse that picture with your real self.

Its like a form of voodoo, thinking that a mental picture is real.

How does this addiction work?

We are intoxicated by our ability to define ourselves, the world and other people. Mentally, we can make ourselves anything simply by thinking it. And we have the power to make others into anything we wish. This is the seductive power of the mind. Like gods, we create a universe made of our thoughts.

But that ability also enslaves us. That knife cuts both ways. You see it? As soon as we believe in the images we make of ourselves, then we must believe the images others make of us too. In fact, our first self-definitions came from others, not from ourselves. Before we learned to define, we were defined. We were told who we are.

We are addicted to our definitions. The power to define ourselves, define others, define the world. But when you believe in your self-definition, you become afraid. because if definitions are real, anybody can define you too. In the mind, all images are real.

Remember those days in kindergarten....sobbing because of something someone called you?

"Whats wrong?" the adult says to the crying child.

"B-b-b-billy called me a-a poopy head!!" the kid says, sobbing uncontrollably.

Silly right? But are adults any different, aside from the words they use? Its an hypnotic trance: what people say about you is really you. Really real! And the belief goes all the way to the core.

But pictures, images, thoughts, movies are not real. Not the same as reality.

We live in a world of mental definitions. And as ET says, its a form of madness. We fight to defend our definitions, constantly seek verification and validation of them from other people and desparately fear their loss. Real fear! Deadly desperate fear. Real fear of make-believe danger. Fear that runs our lives.

All over a simple mistake.

See it, go all the way with it, and it is over. The dream power of the defining mind is not worth the addicted suffering.

Give up your cherished power to define and nothing will have power to define you. Definitions are just pictures. Not real.

See it and wake up.
Last edited by Seancho on Mon Sep 03, 2007 11:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.
If you stop believing in fear, is it still scary?

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Post by kiki » Mon Sep 03, 2007 11:04 pm

That was a first-rate post, Seancho - lots of clarity. Thanks

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as.it.is
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thank you.

Post by as.it.is » Tue Sep 04, 2007 4:09 pm

thank you guys, I really appreciate your comments and It really helped me thank you.
When you awake it will be your biggest regret.

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Post by goatboy » Wed Sep 05, 2007 4:14 pm

is it just a part scenario or does it happen when you meet
one person for example in the street?



ps was it a good party?

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Post by payal » Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:59 pm

Hi hp ur well.

I have realized that when im focused inside my inner energy field, i am a lot more calmer- its almost like i am another person.
If you keep practicing this, and keep most of ur focus there- you will realize what u are and what u are not- It will keep reminding u if u forget. It is so beautiful inside this field. You are this field.
then u dnt need others to tell u what u are. Or add to u by giving u compliments or attention etc. You can enjoy it if it happens but there is not need for it, and even if u get compliments- they are not personal either.

I hope this helps,

Payal
xx

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Post by heidi » Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:01 am

Hi hp ur well.
Kindly read the posting guidelines. We love having your insights, but we need to stick to standard English so that all of our members will understand what you are saying. :)
Thanks for sharing, and thanks for abiding, from the administration.
Heidi
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reply

Post by payal » Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:20 am

Sorry. I will keep that in mind

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devu
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Hi

Post by devu » Tue Sep 25, 2007 2:35 am

Hi as-it-is

While you say that the replies to you have helped you, what actually is going to help you is regular practice of some principles of PON. It may not come to you all at once, because we are so conditioned to seek social approval from childhood.

I deal with people with problems in my work, and social anxiety is a "classified" problem. You should be knowing better about this since you may have expressed your problem at other places than at an ET forum.

What seems to be working in my case in a wide spectrum of problems including anxiety is to remain grounded by watching my thoughts or being aware of my breath or body.

However, as I said earlier this is NOT going to happen suddenly. You have to practice this as often as you can, and definitely not at the only time when you are in a social situation. If you try practicing it just at the time of your anxiety I am very sure the anxiety will overcome you and you will never be able to get over it and later never ever feel practicing PON/ET. Please avoid doing this.

Also as kiki has said somewhere else sometimes "working on your thought process" can compound your problems/thoughts. This "need to be awesome" could stem from some complex past conditioning, though we all have a tendency to impress others. ( I do smell this in some posts in this forum :))

In the past, a deep analysis of one's past was considered to be the best way to deal with such problems ( Freudian theory); nowadays it is understood being present we are during that moment, seems to be the best remedy for this.

So, in your case practicing to be grounded can really help you in many situations including the social anxiety which is a product of your perceived need to impress others. Once you practice being grounded by being aware of the present moment by any of the suggestions given by ET you will slowly realize the vanishing of all this need to be impress others and your anxiety will diminish and you will start enjoying/being in the moment. But for this you need constant practice. Yes, practice, practice, practice. Please don't feel daunted. It is really worth a try!

So, practice, be patient you will find more peace and be stable AND THEN you will realize that you did not after all need all this approval from others . Take care, you are definitely not alone :)

Dev
Last edited by devu on Tue Sep 25, 2007 5:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

weopposedeception
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Post by weopposedeception » Tue Sep 25, 2007 5:37 am

Nice post about the mind's tendency to try and define the self, Seancho. It's funny how this self-definition is actually a phantom. It's like aiming for an invisible target. The media and big business like to capitalize on this useless search by telling us who or what we should be. What's wrong with just being?

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Post by Seancho » Tue Sep 25, 2007 9:24 am

Its a good question.

I guess whats wrong with just being is that we would then have to do two things:

Give up our vanity, our secret fantasy that we are God.

and

Face our secret fear that we are false and unlovable.

A Course in Miracles says that we secretly believe that we have killed God. Freud said that we suffer from harboring secret fantasies of killing our parents and taking their place. Whatever it is, there is a fear that we are bad that must be concealed.

So there are the twin products of the imagination, pride and shame. They are both equally false.

Positive self image, negative self image. Believe in one, and you get both. And so we are addicted. We mindlessly chase after one because we are terrified of the other.

Pride and shame are the same thing. But who stops to look and see if they are real? Until there is awareness, fear runs the show. We dream of pride and shame, good and evil, Heaven and Hell.

Most people just keep chasing approval and avoiding dis-approval.
If you stop believing in fear, is it still scary?

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Post by suraj » Tue Sep 25, 2007 9:50 am

In the past, a deep analysis of one's past was considered to be the best way to deal with such problems ( Freudian theory); nowadays it is understood being present we are during that moment, seems to be the best remedy for this.
Very rightly said , Devu.
I AM

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