overcoming conditionings

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astaroth
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overcoming conditionings

Post by astaroth » Thu Sep 27, 2007 8:28 pm

Hi all!

Even if this saturday the answers of you on my last question helped my really gaining a position from which I observe all the things happening in my mind with a lot more clarity - the knwoledge about what's behind - there's something else, that took me days to phrase in a question...

If the answers are as good as last time, maybe, enlightenment can only be hours away :wink:

Things are becoming clearer and clearer when I'm alone, I'm able to feel lots of joy knowing not taking the things in my mind too serious. But what's about acting? - let me explain...
I think "what is me, can never be damaged or lost. It's always there and nothing in this world can destory what IS NOT, what is just the seeing. So just act without any doubt, worry or need to do it." And I really tasted a bit of freedom doing this.
But I wondered: What is the source of which these actions come from? I know, it's all me, but I never decided to do any of these things - they just appear, like thoughts appear.

I read something here in this forum about "watching behaviour", I think the thread was called "want some fun?". I remembered this many times. Watching behaviour?

In some way, this sounds horrible to me. Just watching what my mind and body are doing, really like an actor in a movie, sometimes experiencing good, sometimes bad things. These doesn't really touch me too hard because I know I'm not the actor. I'm the one, who's watching and who doesn't care about what may happen to the actor.
But...
This actor, what somehow after all seems to be "me", does things that sometimes are almost exatly like in days before he got to knew himself as something else. I don't need anymore telling others how great I are or things like this. But, apart from this, almost nothing has changed. And more and more I know: I don't have control on it. Like I said before, it just "happens". Sometimes this actor is even doing things you could call "evil".

Maybe it happened all the time, all my life. I think it did.
Maybe we can call it the conditionings that belong to my mind. They are what makes me act in the way I do.
Am I a machine?

Changing my behaviour, overcoming these conditions, seems to me like vocabulary that belongs to the ego, the judgments about what is.
Shell I just watch the "machine" I am and don't resist to whatever this machine will experience, do, think and feel?
Somehow I know that there's something wrong in this theory. Tolle and some members of this forum wrote things like "acting will come out of a completely different source, it will flow spontaneously, without thinking, when you're completely in the now" - or some things like this.

But I haven't found this source yet.

Would really appreaciate some comments to my thoughts.
Are the conditions belonging to the "little me" and have to be observed? Observed without acting like they try to tell me I should?

blessings
astaroth
...you might remember me from such educational films as "Zen for couch-potatoes - The wisdom of never doing anything" or "Buddha from da hood - Was he a brother?"

shappy
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Post by shappy » Thu Sep 27, 2007 9:18 pm

Hi astaroth,

I'm going through some very similar things (I sent you a PM, did you get it?)

I have come to realize that this is the time to really see what our "little me" has been doing. We are able - to some degree - see our actions much more clearly. This is the time for our actors' characteristics to really become exposed. To let go of the very deep and ingrained processes that we have become attached to. To expose them and to accept them. Same may be true of the people that have hurt our little me's in the past. If we can see and understand that they were just acting as well, then we are able to forgive them. Luckily this is not so blindingly difficult anymore.

I hope this makes sense to you. And I'm by no means exactly sure of what to do right now, but this just sort of feels right. Adyashanti talks about this phase in his Spontaneous Awakening recordings (Session 9) and it parallels my feelings quite well.

And it's important to remember that this is a process. We've just scratched the surface. We need to allow ourselves to be patient and not to grow expectant for enlightenment to come. If it comes, great... if not, at least we know our true nature.

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astaroth
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Post by astaroth » Thu Sep 27, 2007 10:34 pm

Thank you for your answer, shappy!

And also thank you for your message. I've got it, but I decided to answer it tomorrow. And I will do. You see, for me it's very difficult to write in English. I just don't wanted any English any more after I finally had written this question and I don't like doing things just for the reason "that they are done". So I decided to smoke some cigarettes and hear the CD I bought today 8)
Tomorrow you get the answer. I liked your message a lot. See tomorrow.

Anyway. There are guys on this forum who understand a lot. And I'd really like to hear what they have to say..

*clock-clock*
hello? :wink:
...you might remember me from such educational films as "Zen for couch-potatoes - The wisdom of never doing anything" or "Buddha from da hood - Was he a brother?"

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Webwanderer
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Post by Webwanderer » Fri Sep 28, 2007 3:27 am

astoroth wrote:Things are becoming clearer and clearer when I'm alone, I'm able to feel lots of joy knowing not taking the things in my mind too serious. But what's about acting? - let me explain...
I think "what is me, can never be damaged or lost. It's always there and nothing in this world can destory what IS NOT, what is just the seeing. So just act without any doubt, worry or need to do it." And I really tasted a bit of freedom doing this.
But I wondered: What is the source of which these actions come from? I know, it's all me, but I never decided to do any of these things - they just appear, like thoughts appear.
In some way, this sounds horrible to me. Just watching what my mind and body are doing, really like an actor in a movie, sometimes experiencing good, sometimes bad things. These doesn't really touch me too hard because I know I'm not the actor. I'm the one, who's watching and who doesn't care about what may happen to the actor.
But...
This actor, what somehow after all seems to be "me", does things that sometimes are almost exatly like in days before he got to knew himself as something else. I don't need anymore telling others how great I are or things like this. But, apart from this, almost nothing has changed. And more and more I know: I don't have control on it. Like I said before, it just "happens". Sometimes this actor is even doing things you could call "evil".
The source of the actions you observe? Most of our everyday actions are born of a lifetime of accumulated concepts about life lived from a separate identity perspective. Most on this forum are clear (at least from a conceptual point of view :lol: ), that we are not our minds, nor our thoughts, nor anything else that can be identified. But we still have lots of hot buttons that draw consciousness back into some identifying perspective.

We have within us a storehouse of memories that are imbedded with beliefs about life that, at the time of their occurrence, were factors in our sense of self as separate beings. As those memories are triggered by current events, historic perspectives on life, complete with emotional/analytical justifications, are regenerated.

To one who is still attached to separate self identification, the generation of those historic perspectives are just more support for the perceived reality of a separate me.

Clarity of essential being, allows these memory generated stories of separation, to flow through awareness without sucking consciousness out of presence. One can live in freedom from a totally separate existence.

Your recent posts demonstrate your growing clarity. Cool. When thoughts show up, keep to your understanding that whatever you think, it remains just passing clouds unless you identify with them. Evil, angry, egotistical, grandiose, whatever, it’s just mind stuff distorted by judgment in right vs. wrong. Develop familiarity with thought free presence. It’s a great place to call home.

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