Struggling times

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lilly83
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Struggling times

Post by lilly83 » Thu Nov 22, 2007 2:59 am

Hi all,

Ever since i read stillness speaks, my wholelife changed so dramatically, it was great, i saw the world in a new light. But now as i live what i have learned, i feel as though im going through a tough period in my life where im letting go of my old egoic driven uncocncious self and in this transitional stage im feeling a bit lost one could say as im letting go of these desires, fears, ideas that the old me had which formed who i was. I guess because im letting go of these things i guess my ego is feeling lost and is trying to cling on to the old but i know the truth. i guess im just feeling like im turning into this different person and leaving my old egoic uncioncious self behind and i guess i just feel stuck between my old self and the new self if that makes sense, like i go back to old ideas but i know they are not right way of thinking and i just want to know does it become easier as you start to live this life of knowing the truth to excistence, because right now i am struggling.hope i make sense

lilly83

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kiki
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Re: Struggling times

Post by kiki » Thu Nov 22, 2007 4:36 am

Be assured that whatever you are feeling it will change. The old is dropping away; don't be in any hurry for anything to replace it. Dive into what you call "struggle" - let awareness illuminate every aspect of it without judgment because it is just another ripple of conditioned consciousness. Let there be no hurry in getting somewhere else because "here" is all there is, even if "here" presents something the mind/ego labels as "struggle". It's all good. Peace -

k
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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tikey
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Re: Struggling times

Post by tikey » Mon Nov 26, 2007 5:56 pm

Yeah I understand it completely. Sometimes it's so confusing, you don't really know what's happening... is this still you, or not you... and I see in your
post a little bit of nostalgy... as you were separating from a good old friend, who you will miss.... maybe send yourself a postcard from the old life to the new,
so you can stay in contact or.... make a double personality! I f you don't wan't to loose the old live in both - one day in the old way, the other - in the new way...
maybe it will satisfy "both of you" :P But enough jokes, it's time to say something serious. I think you need a better guidance of what you do, because
for me it looks like you sink deep in some fog.... really for me it looks like you are afraid of the emptiness.... your ego was full of ideas, desires and so...
and now you let go of them... let them behind... and then what's left.... aren't you afraid... I know! :idea: You are afraid of death! What you are propably
trying to do is to "Die Before You Die" teqnique! WOW how great, but I can't help you with this one, cause I haven't been through that... but only thing
I can say is to bring Eckharts words of wisdom: "when you die this death you see that there is no death" Lilly(or Jaclyn) II really think good about that,
and hope you'll make it...
Im just a cloudless sky :)

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Re: Struggling times

Post by Agnieszka » Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:25 pm

In my experience the "coming back to the real me" is happening in fits and starts. At the beginning it usually feels sooo good and peaceful. It seems quite easy. But after awhile, when all aspects of ego (or painbodies) come to the surface, it turns out to be a bumpy ride. And for me only those most difficult periods really matter; when I manage to go through every one of them, time after time, with as much clarity as I can muster, living through the madness of the "next painbody in line" seems to be easier, as I get to know each of them better. Usually, the same huge painbodies appear again and again to feed on me. But they are weaker and weaker each time because I don't struggle to numb them out or reject. I try, with pain, to look these monsters in the eyes and I also try to always remember that "this too shall pass". :D

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Suzanne
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Re: Struggling times

Post by Suzanne » Fri Nov 30, 2007 4:57 am

Agnieszka wrote:Usually, the same huge painbodies appear again and again to feed on me. But they are weaker and weaker each time because I don't struggle to numb them out or reject. :D
That's really cool, D. I think this has been my greatest motivation: I loathe those painbodies so much that I seem to have a calm voice of reason who keeps me from making more pain, so I don't have to face the results anymore.

I think that's a huge corner you turn when you realize you are making a choice to make more pain and then living in the residue of your own choices.

It's not noble: It's rather cowardly of me. I just don't want to have those painbodies get ahold of me anymore. That has sort of installed an automatic surrender switch in me that gets triggered when things don't go "my way" Every angry reaction in me is a lesson, a correction. And later when I realize I've surrendered on contact again, I'm so grateful! I keep finding these instances, when I would have added to the pain in the past, but now I don't.

Because of Eckhart's words, I understand the process, now.

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