How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

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D'ray
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How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by D'ray » Sun Feb 17, 2008 5:52 pm

Do I have to write more?
There's no "I" to become enlightened. The "I" can have spiritual experiences.

DON'T resist the RESISTANCE! The resistance is there. Walk into it. Feel it. Become one with it.

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Webwanderer
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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by Webwanderer » Sun Feb 17, 2008 6:22 pm

How do I stop caring what other people think of me?
Stop thinking about it. Live in a sense of gratitude. Give everyone the freedom to think what they wish.

There's no point in living your life through other peoples eyes. Just live genuinely, with love for the experience of the moment, and let others think what they will. Consider it a loving gift to them. You'll find freedom in such a gift.

Rubicon
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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by Rubicon » Sun Feb 17, 2008 8:05 pm

Byron Katie's Work can be useful in dissolving that sort of thing--at least that's what I'm finding to be true for me.
Rubicon

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BrahmanEternal
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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by BrahmanEternal » Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:36 am

I find that as WW suggests i can accept others judgment lately, and as a result people accept me even more and come close to me and open up, this is general rule and i like it especially with girls :), this is the solution for me lately.
No matter if others judge you make sure you dont judge their judgment and viola you are free! Try to just observe it , this is known to stop mind generaly in it tracks for awhile.
Now i know this is a hard process and nature of judgment is not very clear to me, but i noticed that over time it tends to become less and less prominent i attribute it to working on myself spiritually and cultivating atmosphere of general acceptance of life.
Free of need to be Free.

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Onceler
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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by Onceler » Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:44 am

I agree with Rubicon's recommendation to check into Byron Katie. She has helped me (and is helping me) through some stubborn thought and belief constructs.

Basically you are asked to examine or investigate the belief that you need to stop caring what people think, or that you can stop caring, etc. It's all up to you beyond that. Her website is thework.com.
Be present, be pleasant.

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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by D'ray » Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:37 pm

Webwanderer wrote: Stop thinking about it. Live in a sense of gratitude. Give everyone the freedom to think what they wish.

There's no point in living your life through other peoples eyes. Just live genuinely, with love for the experience of the moment, and let others think what they will. Consider it a loving gift to them. You'll find freedom is such a gift.
That was helpful
I find that as WW suggests i can accept others judgment lately, and as a result people accept me even more and come close to me and open up, this is general rule and i like it especially with girls :), this is the solution for me lately.
I find this also to be true.

I checked Katie Byron's products and they seem to be answer to my questions. Atleast the how they are described lol.

One thing what Byron mentions is that we want to be loved and accepted. This is exactly my problem.

Well, I think I will have to push through from this "problem". I make this problem myself.
There's no "I" to become enlightened. The "I" can have spiritual experiences.

DON'T resist the RESISTANCE! The resistance is there. Walk into it. Feel it. Become one with it.

D'ray
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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by D'ray » Tue Feb 19, 2008 1:37 pm

Where did Brahman's post disappear? It was good.

Anyways, I'm going to get Byron's stuff and see how they can help me. But I believe this is more of a habit that I must remember at all times.
There's no "I" to become enlightened. The "I" can have spiritual experiences.

DON'T resist the RESISTANCE! The resistance is there. Walk into it. Feel it. Become one with it.

sailing
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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by sailing » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:15 am

D'ray wrote:Do I have to write more?
Today, when I was getting dressed, I noticed how anxious I was and in such a hurry. I didn't like the feeling at all and so decided, why don't I get these clothes on while being in the moment. As I did that, I became aware of the unconscious thought pattern that was causing all this franticness. For heaven sake, I was all messed up because I was so worried about what people would think of me wearing this get-up. I really enjoyed being with myself in the moment and the first thought that came was, why would I give up the good feelings I get in the moment in order to worry about pleasing someone else? No one would give a damn about what I was wearing and here I was fretting over that. Even if I was judged, so what, its not worth losing a divine moment over, is it?

For me, it helps to be aware of my feelings. Thats a great portal for me.

Boom, I feel uncomfortable or bad :cry: , Boom, I turn inside and then the unconsciousness becomes conscious :) . This is one of the ways you can use to get closer to reality. I hope you get the idea D'ray.

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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by innerhike » Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:38 am

The more that I am in the Now, the more that I am genuinely in a place of peace,
the less my thought processes are being activated
and the less that I see other human beings as entities who are judging me in some way,
and therefore need to be paid attention to from an egoic standpoint.

Instead in this place of flow I can genuinely say hello to other beings
and truly feel good about myself and them,
without any agenda, without any reservations.

"Ten thousand problems, One solution".

No matter what the question, come back to Stillness.

Don't focus on trying to stop addictions.

Instead amp up the Love.

Keep coming back to that amazing feeling that is Love, over and over, no matter what distractions or temptations are arising.

Be willing to see that your suffering is self caused, and be willing to be light-hearted about the falls or spills that you take. Just pick yourself up sonny and get on with it. Life is a party, have fun!

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astaroth
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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by astaroth » Fri Mar 21, 2008 1:11 pm

I recently read a very good statement:

"If one says 'I don't like you' it is a statement about him - not about you"

Everyone is free to think whatever he wants. One can only speak from his little mental world - which has nothing to do with you or what you are. A statement from someone else is but a statement. If one says "I don't like apple pies" it is just the same a statement like if one says "I don't like you". His statements have nothing to do with you. Give others the freedom to think whatever they want.

And know, that this image of yours, someone can like or dislike, isn't what you really are, after all. It's just the part you play. What you really are is beyond what can be liked or disliked.

asta
...you might remember me from such educational films as "Zen for couch-potatoes - The wisdom of never doing anything" or "Buddha from da hood - Was he a brother?"

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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by Webwanderer » Fri Mar 21, 2008 2:32 pm

Well said asta, clarity shining through. :)

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Ugly Duckling

Post by weichen » Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:23 pm

How do I stop caring what other people think of me? There is a hidden problem with this question. It is as if the Ugly Duckling asks herself: How do I stop caring when others call me ugly?

The answer is: little you is ugly right now, but it can let its beauty manifest (quite easily).


Relationship between little you and other people is going to improve dramatically if little you is constantly giving other people two kinds of gifts:
1. pure stillness (it's the best gift to others, so that other people realize that they don't need any external gift, the most precious comes from within)
2. intuitions that realized by the little you in the gap of peace, which can be expressed in insightful words, actions etc.

There will still be some people who think badly of you. Simply extends your scope of awareness to these people, accept and understand them, give them the two gifts.

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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by D'ray » Fri Mar 21, 2008 8:14 pm

astaroth wrote:I recently read a very good statement:

"If one says 'I don't like you' it is a statement about him - not about you"

Everyone is free to think whatever he wants. One can only speak from his little mental world - which has nothing to do with you or what you are. A statement from someone else is but a statement. If one says "I don't like apple pies" it is just the same a statement like if one says "I don't like you". His statements have nothing to do with you. Give others the freedom to think whatever they want.

And know, that this image of yours, someone can like or dislike, isn't what you really are, after all. It's just the part you play. What you really are is beyond what can be liked or disliked.

asta
A quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.

It's really that all opinions do not tell anything about anything. It just how people perceive world around us. Everything has two sides, or more, and nothing is absolutely true.

Problem arises when ego wakens and tries to ensure its worldview and beliefs about "yourself". That is why we get angry at someone because s/he has obscured our beliefs. Or we get some other negative emotion and wonder whether s/he is right about "me".
There's no "I" to become enlightened. The "I" can have spiritual experiences.

DON'T resist the RESISTANCE! The resistance is there. Walk into it. Feel it. Become one with it.

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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by tikey » Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:44 pm

d'ray I have an excellent exercise for you! It helped ME!

So, the basic idea about this exercise is to use some of your imagination (and if you imagine that you can be enlightened, you have a lot of it :P )

So it goes like this:

Imagine that inside your head there is an aquarium fuuuuuuuul of fishes. The aquarium is you and the fishes are your thoughts.

Now imagine that you have a bad thought - and the FISH comes up in your aquarium out of nowhere, and it's swimming, making circles.
Watch It! But don't touch it! Imagine that fish comes to the wall of an aquarium and touches it - easy it is isn't it? And now imagine that
by doing that it touches YOU! So give the space for fish to swim, but never touch it, because when YOU TOUCH it - you suffer from it.
In the moment the fish touches the glass of aquarium you get an emotional impulse, a burst of energy which comes with that fish!
It is your REACTION to thought! So try to avoid those thought's. Later there will be less and less fishes in the aquarium, and finally
you will become completely free of them. Your ego will dissapear and you will be enlightened. But don't even THINK about that ;]
Im just a cloudless sky :)

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Re: How do I stop caring what other people think of me?

Post by kaydee » Sun Apr 06, 2008 9:17 am

Hi,
I have always been terribly sensitive of what others thought.I had a sort of breakdown,and I went on antidepressants.They made me really nuts.I did every embarassing thing you can imagine.I left no one unoffended.Basically I did all the things I've tried my whole life to avoid.I've tried explaining that the things I did are just not like me.What have I heard?Excuses,excuses.You have to take responsibility.You're just not a good person.etc.etc.It has really been difficult.
Not long ago,I realised that when people are judgemental and cruel it's really about their own ego.They can't even see the real you.Ifeel bad for them.They don't know what they are doing.And I know I've hurt people blindly before.
Mostly though, I realised that I have made a fool out myself to such an extent that it really doesn't matter,anymore.Which means I'm free.
Maybe you could just be a little silly once in a while and see what happens.If people give you odd looks,just smile. :wink:

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