Help stop my shakes

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
User avatar
Intel
Posts: 166
Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2007 3:34 pm
Location: Near wild heaven

Help stop my shakes

Post by Intel » Tue Mar 11, 2008 2:52 am

I was wondering if someone could help me with my physical reactions. Today I was speaking to a few people who were strangers to me, and I had very bad physical reactions. My body was shaking uncontrollable, I bit my lip till it bled trying to stop the shaking. I had no reason to feel anxious, they were all nice people, and before I spoke I was quite comfortable. But as soon as all the attention was on me, this physical reaction came out of nowhere.

It makes me feel very embarrassed and damages my confidence, especially when inside I see no reason to feel anxious. Its like my body was taking over and I lost control of it. Whenever i\'m alone or with friends this never happens, or in places with large groups of people. It doesn\'t even happen when I speak to a stranger, but if I sense that a lot of attention is on me for any particular reason, this physical reaction always comes up. I do my best to observe it, but it doesn\'t end. Its hard to interact with other people and be seen as normal when this pointless nonsense occurs.

Would somebody offer me some advice please?
I would lick your feet, but is that the sickest move?

weichen
Posts: 734
Joined: Fri Jul 14, 2006 1:37 am
Location: NYC

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by weichen » Tue Mar 11, 2008 3:41 am

Tolle advise people to start a public speech with telling a joke, say something funny, the begining is the most difficult. Ask some questions to engage the audience. Their warm reactions would help you to settle down.

Also practice, practice, practice, take as many opportunity you can get to practice public speaking. Walk on the street and speak loudly on the phone (of course no one is on the other side of the phone). :-)

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6672
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by Webwanderer » Tue Mar 11, 2008 1:08 pm

Here in the USA we have something called the toastmasters club. Maybe it, or something like it exists in England. It's a group of people with similar public speaking issues who meet to practice in an atmosphere of common understanding.

Usually these nervous shakes arise because we are listening to ourselves rather than speaking to our audience. The mind then begins to analyze and loses track of whatever point we are trying to make. Fear and self-judgment sets in and then the shakes. Speak from your mid section rather than your head; and as weichen says, engage your audience with questions often.

User avatar
Sighclone
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6342
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 6:22 pm

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by Sighclone » Tue Mar 11, 2008 5:40 pm

You did not say if you were in a formal setting or just a discussion with several people listening. But ultimately it does not matter. When you are speaking to a group of people what is actually happening is that a whole series of simultaneous one-on-one conversations is taking place. Pick out one individual who is listening and stay focused on him or her until you get a little more comfortable...then you can look up, smiling, and see and speak to all of them...and if you get nervous, just look back at the one person - in a formal setting, it can even be a friend whom you have planted in the front row!!

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

sharon-x
Posts: 21
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:15 pm

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by sharon-x » Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:13 pm

I can relate to that from the other side.
As a performing artist, I love the attention and my ego NEEDS it to survive.
That’s actually one of the things that brought me to Tolle’s work.
Last edited by sharon-x on Mon Mar 31, 2008 8:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
BrahmanEternal
Posts: 252
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2007 3:04 am
Contact:

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by BrahmanEternal » Tue Mar 11, 2008 11:45 pm

At the end of christian seminar i was at.. we had to give a speech at the end, i was very scared and i started trembling....feeling insecure
but nothing in me reacted negatively to these feelings, in few seconds tone of my voice completely changed, my posture, look on the face, visibly
i transformed my emotions in front of them from an ugly duckling to a beautiful swan :) , they were visibly positively suprised, and it turned into
my private satsang that lasted good 15 minutes when i experienced how awesome it is to communicate to a group of people, accept the scared
little kid in you it is what it wants that is why it is showing up, after you accept it (no negative reaction or wishing it away) it will retreat like satisfied, accepted
child that longed for love and understanding.
Free of need to be Free.

User avatar
entelechy
Posts: 78
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 2:53 pm
Location: Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, England

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by entelechy » Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:25 pm

Intel,

I can relate to your experience, although I didn't experience extreme and incontrollable shaking in any social setting. I wee my pants instead. Just kidding. :P

Seriously, I used to feel nervous whenever I had to address a group of people. My hands dripped with sweat, I could feel my heart in my throat, my mouth felt dry, my voice shook, etc. Fortunately I was forced to do a lot of speaking to groups of people, so I just had to confront the fear. But what worked for me was self-enquiry. I went inside and asked myself several questions to get to the bottom of the issue. I will do my best now to recall the process that went on in my head, as this happened a few years ago:

Why did you feel anxious/nervous/scared? What was it you were really afraid of?
I was afraid that I might forget what I needed to say, or make a mistake.
So what if you did forget or make a mistake? What's the worst thing that could happen?
People will laugh at me, or think I'm stupid.
OK. So you're afraid of other people judging you?
Yes, I don't want them to look down on me. I want to look good, and be admired. I want to appear good, and sound intelligent to them...
So you dont want them to think any less of you?
Yes.
Whenever it's your turn to sit down and listen to someone else, is that what you do - fault-find, hope or expect the speaker to make a mistake, or forget his line?
Hhhmmm...no. I don't. I just sit there and listen to whatever they have to say.
And if they make a mistake, do you laugh at them?
Not generally, unless it was a genuinely funny situation. But even then i wouldn't laugh at them, I would laugh at the situation.
If they forget or make a mistake, do you judge them? do you think of them as less in any way?
Well... yes sometimes I would do that. I guess that's exactly why I was afraid they would do it to me. Cos I do it to others.
So you are just projecting your own thoughts.
Yes. Just because it's how I operate, I assume it's how others operate as well.
Well let's explore this further. When you sit there and laugh at them, and judge them as stupid or whatever... Why do you do that?
HHhhmmm...It gives me a sense of superiority, I guess. If I could see them as less, then it must mean I am in a 'higher' position than them.
You're in a higher position just because you didn't make a mistake or forget your speech?
Yes. How absurd is that?
Very.
That's just stupid. I mean, I've heard several times that if you're nervous, picture your audience as naked. This way you feel more confident. But it's the same thing, really : You're trying to perceive yourself as more and others as less, so you can feel better about yourself. When really, no one is more or less, because we are equals! And because we are equals I have no reason to be afraid! (I guess this could be an a-ha moment)
So you're not afraid anymore?
Maybe a little bit.
So what happens if you do make a mistake and people do judge you or laugh at you or belittle you?
Well I suppose I can't control that anyway. They could think whatever they want to think, and it's up to me to accept that or not. It's up to me to let it affect my self-esteem or self-worth.
Would you let it affect your self-esteem / self-worth?
Well it may be tempting, but I could see how there is no sense in letting others dictate my sense of self-worth. When I judge others, it's really just something I do so I could convince myself I have more worth than them. And I do that precisely because I am insecure, so I need convincing that I am more worthy than others. So when others judge me..I guess they do it for the same reasons. We all just want to feel good about ourselves... (another a-ha moment)
So even if someone judges you, you wouldn't feel affected?
No. Actually I can now see past the judgment.
And how do you feel about that?
Compassion :)


Looking at this now, I could see that 2 factors were at play: 1) My desire to appear more, or to be perceived as such, and 2) my fear of being perceived as less. But the anxiousness and nerves stopped to affect me the moment I realized we are all equals. Meaning, no more no less. Just is. And no amount of judgment from others of from me - can make it into any other thing.

You may find it helpful if you focus your attention away from yourself whenever you are in the spotlight. Rather, focus on your audience, and how you can best get your message across to them in the most engaging, fun, and unforgettable manner. Try this, and you will soon discover the fears dissipate.

Blessings on your journey
Join me in my journey towards inner and outer success at http://www.thewayofmoney.com

User avatar
BrahmanEternal
Posts: 252
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2007 3:04 am
Contact:

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by BrahmanEternal » Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:56 pm

Another well written and sincere post, thanx entelechy.
Free of need to be Free.

User avatar
Intel
Posts: 166
Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2007 3:34 pm
Location: Near wild heaven

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by Intel » Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:17 pm

Thankyou everyone for your replies.

Entelechy your post summed up my feelings well and I appreciate it. The only problem is, just by thinking myself equal won't stop my shakes. It seems encoded in my dna and may take a while to get rid of. Its an unconscious reaction.

I will take on board everything you said and hopefully my fear and shakes will dissolve.

Hugs :)
I would lick your feet, but is that the sickest move?

User avatar
entelechy
Posts: 78
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 2:53 pm
Location: Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, England

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by entelechy » Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:22 pm

Careful now, Brahman Eternal... you're stroking my ego! (shakes head) Tut tut tut! :twisted:
Join me in my journey towards inner and outer success at http://www.thewayofmoney.com

User avatar
BrahmanEternal
Posts: 252
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2007 3:04 am
Contact:

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by BrahmanEternal » Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:22 pm

Intel stop the dna stories, we are fed with pseudo science all around, let this be a place of open mind and optimism where
anything is possible, i m sick of blues songs everywhere i go.
Last edited by BrahmanEternal on Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Free of need to be Free.

User avatar
BrahmanEternal
Posts: 252
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2007 3:04 am
Contact:

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by BrahmanEternal » Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:26 pm

entelechy wrote:Careful now, Brahman Eternal... you're stroking my ego! (shakes head) Tut tut tut! :twisted:
Heeere ego ego... come here..... you v been niiiice ego, heres a coookie.... ego: purrrrr...purrrrrr...... ok good now
go somewhere and identify go go.... beware of the doggies in present moments, they ll eat you alive, dont play with them.
Free of need to be Free.

User avatar
entelechy
Posts: 78
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 2:53 pm
Location: Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, England

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by entelechy » Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:40 pm

You're welcome Intel,

About thinking of you and others as equal, I didn't really mean you arrive at the same conclusion and it would be the end all and be all. Perhaps your issues are rooted differently. It is likely you have certain thoughts where your shakes stem from. You can only find out by going deep within and asking yourself questions. Is it fear? fear of what? and why is that? etc. etc. Focus your awareness inside and see what comes.

In my case, I found that when I focus on my audience, and I focus my attention to how I can serve them in a genuine and sincere manner, then I become much more effective in communicating and interacting with them. In other words, the moment I dont take 'me' so seriously, the simpler my life gets ;)

And yes licking my feet would be a 'sick' move... :P
Join me in my journey towards inner and outer success at http://www.thewayofmoney.com

User avatar
BrahmanEternal
Posts: 252
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2007 3:04 am
Contact:

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by BrahmanEternal » Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:46 pm

Entel dont get egoic, he asks everyone about the feet. :D
Free of need to be Free.

User avatar
entelechy
Posts: 78
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 2:53 pm
Location: Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, England

Re: Help stop my shakes

Post by entelechy » Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:49 pm

Intel,

And oh yeah... I forgot to hug you back ;) See what it does when you propose doing sick moves and stuff? Sheesssshhh!

(((((((BIG HUGS)))))) :mrgreen:
Join me in my journey towards inner and outer success at http://www.thewayofmoney.com

Post Reply