relating to others not on path

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jasmine
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relating to others not on path

Post by jasmine » Tue Apr 15, 2008 5:55 pm

1) Frankly, it seems that most conversations revolve around 1) gossip 2) complaining. If I don't want to gossip or complain, it almost seems there is nothing for me to add that would be of interest!
2) How do I respond to incessant references to $$$!? Someone in my life in literally every conversation we have "drops" price tags. If she doesn't tell me the exact dollar amount of (an always expensive) purchase, she at least says, "and it was very expensive." She also comments on the lack of funds her siblings have, or makes remarks about other people's financial situation. I've been dealing w/ this for the last 2 years by ignoring every single reference to money. I Just don't go there! Internally, however, I find it disturbing. I'm not jealous of her seemingly endless wealth, but I do find the emphasis on telling me so much & so often about the details of her finances to be a drain. What w :wink: ould eckhart do?

weichen
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Re: relating to others not on path

Post by weichen » Tue Apr 15, 2008 7:59 pm

Now you know why Eckhart said: I am a hermit!

And Why Eckhart felt that there may be very little talking on the new Earth.

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Re: relating to others not on path

Post by meaname » Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:09 pm

Emptiness is the ground all words rise from...
Last edited by meaname on Tue May 20, 2008 12:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: relating to others not on path

Post by Sighclone » Tue Apr 15, 2008 9:25 pm

Jasmine -

Why not ask her to tell you how it feels to spend a lot of money on something? Mention that she always brings up the price of things, and that must be for a reason. Does it make her feel powerful? Does it make her feel better than others? Get her to "Be" with that feeling. The true Self (yes, hers too) does not care about things. If she spends some time staying right on that feeling of (??power, value, esteem, whatever, etc??) she gets from the purchases, it is likely they will not feel so important. She might even feel a little sick. Every time she brings it up, ask her to "tell me again how that feels". It will help her be with her attachment to money and material things. And then you can tell her your feelings about buying expensive things...

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

jasmine
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Re: relating to others not on path

Post by jasmine » Tue Apr 15, 2008 9:58 pm

Thanks everybody, for your responses. To use Christian phrasing, I want to "love my neighbor," & know I'm falling short w/ this one! Yes, I hear what you all are saying, that SHE is more than her obsession with money, with form. I'm judging her...I know I am, because I do find rather repugnant, honestly, her attitude about spending.

I embrace a "spirituality of enoughness," & though I enjoy & appreciate (&own) beautiful things, I believe it is important not to purchase everything that tickles my fancy even if I can comfortably afford it. Before I purchase, I ask myself, do I really NEED another accessory for my garden, or whatever. I feel superior, probably, for being this way (EGO) & look down at those who don't share my view (EGO)!

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Re: relating to others not on path

Post by Denise » Tue Apr 15, 2008 10:00 pm

Jasmine:

Perhaps you are resisting what is with this friend. Have you tried to be totally accepting of her, the situation, and the present moment without any judgement at all and perhaps viewing the friend with compassion? It sounds like your friend has a lot of her self worth wrapped up in the cost of her "things" and she is somehow reinforcing her ego by sharing this with you. Maybe you could look at this as an opportunity for your own spiritual growth and accept your friend with no judgements and see what happens.

Denise

jasmine
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Re: relating to others not on path

Post by jasmine » Tue Apr 15, 2008 10:07 pm

Thanks, Denise. Just posted another comment before you replied. Yes, I know this person has come into my life for a reason, & the relationship IS a spiritual practice for me. I need to let go of the judgements I harbor toward her. It is a definitely a learning & spiritual curve for me.

Jasmine

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Re: relating to others not on path

Post by kiki » Wed Apr 16, 2008 12:21 am

I've been dealing w/ this for the last 2 years by ignoring every single reference to money. I Just don't go there! Internally, however, I find it disturbing.


This is where your "problem" is - internally. As already pointed out, she seems to have a lot of her identity/self worth invested in this sort of thinking and sharing. You, however, can be accepting of her the way she is. Be present and your inherent peace isn't disturbed.

Oh, welcome to the forum Jasmine.

kiki
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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Re: relating to others not on path

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Apr 16, 2008 4:36 am

Jasmine, if your friend is constantly telling you that this or that new possession is expensive, it sounds as if she is trying to initiate some response from you. She may be uncomfortable with her wealth but is entrapped by it, or she could be gloating (and trapped by that). Consider asking her why she points it out so often. Don't have any preconceived notions about her answer, but be clear within yourself that your question is genuine and not an attack. Try to have an honest and frank discussion with her. It could help free her from her attachment.

And I add my welcome as well.
WW

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Re: relating to others not on path

Post by Sighclone » Wed Apr 16, 2008 7:27 am

In the last Oprah webinar, Eckhart confessed to liking some new furniture he had - enjoying that it was beautiful. He did not mention its cost. And one did not get a sense that he in any way identified with it. I bought a used suit of clothes the other day - $10. Originally it was well over $400. Having the cuffs tailored cost $20. It fits well, has current styling and elegant wool, custom tailored, lined fabric. I would prefer that it not be stolen tomorrow. I believe that I would have a feeling of sadness. I have some items of my deceased parents that I enjoy...actual cash value of $5, maybe. There are books in my library that I enjoy. I have some old hand tools that I use and enjoy.

So how egoic is all of that? Is there a scale somewhere? If everything I own were to disappear tomorrow, all my assets, how long would it take me to 'accept' the new world with nothing except the clothes on my back? What would my relationship with that present moment be? How about you?

Attachment is not an idle topic for most of us...including Oprah.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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